


The Mind Races

by spoilersweetie



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-03
Updated: 2012-10-22
Packaged: 2017-11-09 03:10:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 81,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/450598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoilersweetie/pseuds/spoilersweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex had lost count of how many times this was now, never mind all the dreams she probably couldn’t remember. Bloody Steven - this was all his fault!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware I am beginning yet another multi-chapter, but this one I have a good feeling about and it is definitely going somewhere - I have a tonne written already. The other two I will complete at some point, they are just on hiatus for now because I seem to have lost inspiration for them, I think I'll maybe just take them down until I can finish them and repost them complete :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this first chapter :)

River grins down at her Doctor happily as she crawls up over his form sprawled out on the bed and straddles him. His hands come up to rest on her hips as she grinds down against him, drawing muffled moans from both of them, and she leans forwards to take his bowtie between her teeth, tugging it undone before using her hands to yank it from him and swiftly unbutton his shirt. 

His hands roam her body, fumbling for the zipper on the front of her green dress and yanking it down impatiently until he can get his hands inside and cup a breast in each. She hums in delight as his hands squeeze and caress her soft breasts while she gets his shirt open, and then feels another pair of hands on her hips, and she smirks wickedly, turning her head enough to see the other Doctor kneeling up behind her, tugging her back against him so she can feel his rock hard erection through their layers of clothing. 

The Doctor behind her leans down to press an open-mouthed kiss to the side of her neck while the one below her pinches her nipples lightly before sliding his hands round behind her beneath the open dress to pull her chest flush to his. The position angles her pelvis more towards the Doctor behind and she gasps when he grinds forwards against her, feeling herself grow wetter with anticipation. 

His hands move from her hips to drag the hem of her dress up, throwing it up over her arse and exposing her to him, and she moans loudly when he slips a hand between them to slide those long fingers over her slick sex, caressing her clit briefly before sliding two within her and curling them to stroke her inner walls. She lets her head drop forwards into the Doctor’s neck, mouthing mindlessly at the skin there with soft mewls as the pleasure coming from her core burns its way through her body. 

She slides a hand down between their bodies where she is hovering up over the hips of the man beneath her, to find him raging hard and straining against his trousers. He chokes out a groan as she rubs him through the material, and she lifts herself up a bit to fumble with the button and zip until she has both open. The Doctor behind her slides his fingers out, making her hips jerk a little when he deliberately rubs them over her clit before his hand is gone and she hears him fumbling to release himself from his own trousers. 

“Wait sweetie,” she pants, and crawls backwards on her hands and knees, making the Doctor behind her shuffle backwards with her until she is where she wants to be and she lets out a pleased sound as she uses both hands to yank down the trousers of the Doctor under her, his hips raising off the bed to help her shove them halfway down his thighs, freeing his erection so she can lean over him and breath hot air onto it.

She hears the groan of both men at once when she leans down further to run her tongue up his length and around the head, dropping a kiss to the tip and grinning when his hips jerk up towards her.

“River,” she hears his hoarse voice, “ _please_.”

She giggles naughtily, licking him just quickly again as she wriggles back against the Doctor behind her pointedly, her mouth opening and laughter quickly fading when he takes himself in his hand and rubs the tip of his shaft against her swollen clit. 

“Want me inside of you, love?” He utters hotly from behind her and her hands tighten on the hips of the man beneath her as she spreads her legs further. 

“Ooh Doctor… _yes_ …” She begs in a breathy moan, her nails digging in to his hips as she grips there tightly and opens her lips to take him into her mouth just as the Doctor behind her slides within her…

\--

Alex awakes with a gasp, scrambling before sitting upright in her tangle of sweat damp sheets. 

She is panting and trembling, her heart pounding furiously against her ribcage as her mind slowly makes the sever between the dream she’d just woken from and reality. She huffs out a sigh, placing a hand on her forehead and letting herself slump back down in her bed with a groan. 

This was getting ridiculous. 

How many times was this now? She’d lost count. Never mind all the dreams she probably couldn’t remember. And it had all started when she’d gone back to the BBC studios in Cardiff two weeks ago to film the Night and the Doctor episodes River was appearing in. 

She lets out a desperate whimper, wriggling in her bed and biting her lip against the throbbing ache between her legs.

Bloody Steven. This was all his fault. 

She’d questioned him with raised eyebrows and a giggle when she’d first read the script (a bit _daring_ to hint at something like that on a family show isn’t it?), of course, Matt had delighted in it, nudging her with a wink and a cheeky comment (knew River could never get enough of me), and she’d laughed along and given as good as she’d got. 

They’d joked about it all the way through filming, but each time he (or indeed she) made a filthy remark, she couldn’t help the sudden steamy image of exactly what they were joking about flashing through her mind. She’d mentally scolded herself each time, chalked it up to the fact that she needed to get laid (because really, it had been an embarrassingly long time) and put it out of her mind.

It wasn’t until that night, when she’d awoken in the early hours of the morning with a pounding heart and wet pyjama bottoms did she realise she may be in trouble. The illicit idea had been put into her head and it seemed her head didn’t want to let it go. 

It wasn’t like it was something she’d ever done - or even ever had the slightest desire to do before - having two men at once. She wasn’t that sort of woman. But then, she supposed, it wasn’t really what she was fantasizing about was it? It wasn’t two different men, it was _one man._ Just…two of him. 

The shooting the day after had been a little awkward. She thinks she did a good enough of job of covering her inappropriate thoughts but on more than one occasion she found herself staring at Matt, imagining that tall lanky figure pressed to her back and her front at once, two sets of those beautifully large hands roaming over her body…

She’d forgotten her lines six times and messed up more than once that day and she’d been exhausted by the time it was over. 

She was embarrassed by her own thoughts because she honestly had no idea where they’d come from. Well - she _knew_ where the subject matter had come from but - she’d never looked at Matt that way before at all, and now all of a sudden she was envisioning not just him but _two_ of him doing all manner of indecent things to her. The Doctor, she quickly corrected herself - it was the _Doctor_ she was imagining doing those things to River but since Matt was the Doctor and she was River that didn’t really make it much better. 

God _damn it_ , Steven. 

It wasn’t like she and Matt hadn’t joked about before about their characters getting it on, she just hadn’t been hit with vivid images of it actually happening those times. She’d fleetingly wondered, one night in her dark room, if Matt had imagined these scenes too but quickly put that thought out of her head because that was somewhere she _really_ didn’t need to be going. 

She’d somehow managed to get through the remaining day of shooing the episode and had bid fond goodbyes to Matt, Steven and the crew before leaving for LA, but once there, the dreams hadn’t stopped. 

Almost every night she awoke at some point, covered in sweat and shaking beneath her sheets, her mind filled with steamy images. She didn’t know _why_ she couldn’t stop thinking about it, why the idea had had this affect on her, but she knew the more she worried and got herself worked up about it the more firmly the idea lodged itself in her mind. 

She’d tried everything. Thinking of other men before she went to sleep, thinking the most un-sexy thoughts she could, thinking of the Doctor with another faceless woman (that one had been a far cry but she’d been desperate - of course it had backfired when she’d imagined the word ‘River’ leaving his lips and she’d quickly taken the place of the faceless woman.). She’d tried relieving her own tension last thing at night with her trusty toy but all that had done had led to more naughty dreams with the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver playing a starring role. 

It wasn’t even always two of him anymore. Some nights it was just River and the Doctor, alone on the Tardis, her bent over the console and crying out in delight as he thrust into her, moaning into her hair as she uttered hoarse ‘sweetie’s and ‘my love’s. It seemed her original fantasy had opened the floodgates and now she could hardly even think of her character or the show without those images of her and Matt’s counterparts worming their way into her mind. 

This is _all_ Steven’s fault. 

It’s been a couple of weeks since she’d left Cardiff and she’s at her house in LA with her daughter, clearing up after lunch when she hears an all too familiar theme tune coming from the living room. She sighs heavily, putting down the dishcloth and wandering through towards the sound to see Salome nestled into the sofa, remote in hand as the Doctor who opening credits roll across the screen. 

“Salome you are _not_ watching me again?” Alex complains with a groan; she _hates_ seeing herself on screen but her daughter, of course, loves it. She adores River and she supposes, admires her mother for the role. It had certainly given her a popularity status at school. 

Her daughter shakes her dark head, smiling happily at her mum. “Nope, it’s one of the other episodes.”

“Oh. Well good,” Alex mutters, turning and leaving her to it to finish tidying up in the kitchen. Matt had given Salome a copy of the series DVDs last time she’d been on set (not even yet officially released) and she’d practically worn them out already. 

“Mum!” Salome’s voice calls out a moment later. “Aren’t you going to come watch with me?”

“In a minute honey, I’m just clearing up,” Alex calls back. 

Alex finishes in the kitchen and makes herself a cup of tea and a hot chocolate for her daughter before wandering back through into the living room to settle down on the sofa next to her, handing Salome her mug before letting her eyes fall onto the screen. 

She has to suppress a groan when she tunes in to what’s happening, her stomach tightening inside. 

Of course, it’s the bloody episode with the gangers. _Of course_. 

“Do you really like this one?” She asks her daughter quickly. “Isn’t there a different one you’d rather watch?”

Salome shushes her. “Mum - it’s halfway through!”

Alex sighs in despair, slumping down in her seat. 

She tries to think of something else when he’s on screen but it’s impossible. Her daughter giggles as he banters with himself but Alex bites her lip trying to detach her mind from the sight of him interacting with himself and definitely _not_ wondering how River would fit into this situation. Because she knows exactly where _that_ train of thought will lead. 

Too late, she realises faintly as she feels familiar heat pool in her stomach. 

She swallows hard as she watches the Doctor have a conversation with himself on screen, all those dreams rushing back to her in one big wave of heat, and oh God, he is all but _flirting_ with himself in front of her and this is so embarrassingly arousing. She bites her lip, tucking her feet up underneath her on the sofa and pressing her thighs tightly together in a futile attempt to quell the burning between them. 

She glances over a Salome, her eyes bright and riveted on the screen as she takes it in and finds herself totally ashamed at her own thoughts. She clears her throat. “I just remembered I need to make a phone call darling,” she quickly says, her voice a bit croaky. “I‘ll be back in a bit,” she quickly excuses herself as she gets to her feet and all but bolts from the room.

This has really gone past the getting-ridiculous stage and is now firmly in the oh-shit-I’m-in-trouble stage. 

What about when she goes back to work on Who again? How is she going to _cope!?_ She can’t be having thoughts like these - she needs to get rid of this, this… _stupid_ little fetish of hers. 

But how?

She calls Matt that night, late for her, when her daughter has gone to bed, making it early evening for Matt. She just thinks that maybe if she speaks to him, _Matt_ , her friend, Matt, that these ridiculous fantasies might go away - because he is _Matt_ and most definitely not the Doctor that keeps visiting her in her dreams. 

Matt sounds delighted to hear from her, assures her he isn’t busy (never too busy to talk to you, Kingston!) and they chat easily for well over an hour. They talk about their lives, all things from exciting to mundane; Alex complains about the heat over in LA and Matt grumbles about the rain in England and he tells her about the film he’s shooting and she chats about her daughter and a couple of projects she’s been offered. 

When they finally hang up with a fond goodbye and a promise to speak again soon, Alex has a content smile on her face. 

_There_ , she thinks, pleased. He’s just Matt again. No way she could have those naughty fantasies about him now because he’s _Matt_. She settles down, turning the lamp off and wriggling deep into her covers, closing her eyes and letting herself drift comfortably into a peaceful sleep. 

Or - not so peaceful, she finds out, when she jerks upright at an ungodly hour of the morning, heart beating a tandem and soft skin soaked between her thighs. 

“Oh God,” she whispers as she panics, absolutely mortified by her own dreams because that one had been the worst of all - that hadn’t been her as River and the Doctor…that had been _her_ …and _Matt_.

So calling him was apparently the worst thing she could have done. Because that’s all it was, she thinks desperately as she flops back down, body still on fire. It was just her usual damn nightly fantasies mixing in her brain with Matt because she’d been on the phone with him just before she went to sleep. 

She tells herself this, over and over, until her body eventually calms down and allows her to fall back into a restless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments :) :) As promised, here is chapter two, hope you enjoy it :)

“Kingston! How the hell are you? It’s been an age!”

Alex laughs into the phone. “Matt darling I spoke to you last week.”

“Yes, well,” he chuckles. “It always feels like forever when you’re not around,” he teases and she rolls her eyes. 

“You are _terrible_ \- do those sort of lines ever work on girls?”

“Sometimes,” he says, and she can hear the grin in his voice. 

She’d been apprehensive when his name had popped up on her call display; she hadn’t heard form him since they spoke about a week ago but each night she’d dreamed those bad dreams of being tangled in sweat-damp sheets with his counterpart, moaning her pleasure into his ear. She thankfully hadn’t had another dream about her and Matt, and had chalked that alarming fantasy up to the fact that she’d spoken to him before she went to sleep and most definitely _not_ because she was harbouring some hidden desire for him. Because that was bloody _ridiculous._

“When are you flying out?” She asks him after he’s through explaining in an excited voice about the promotion work he’s been scheduled to do in New York. 

“Next Tuesday - I can’t wait.”

She smiles. “I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time - hope your schedule’s not too crazy though?”

“Nah it’s alright. Anyway, the reason I’m calling is that I have a three day gap between promoting and the audition I have for that film before I fly back, so I thought - I mean if you’re not busy - I thought I could pop up and visit you and Salome?”

Alex giggles down the phone. “Pop up and visit darling? Do you _know_ how far LA is from New York?”

Matt laughs. “Yeah well - I’ll be on the same bit of land as you - it’s as good an excuse as any to see your fabulous face again Kingston.”

She laughs fondly. “Well it would be lovely to catch up - of course you’re very welcome.”

“Great,” he enthuses. “Sure you’re not busy?”

“Nope, not at all. I’ve got a bit of a break from everything at the moment so it’ll actually be really nice to see you - I‘m not accustomed to having so much free time on my hands, I don‘t quite know what to do with it.”

He laughs. “Well I’ve got three days to kill so not to worry, I’m sure I can entertain you.”

 _Oh God, three whole days?!_ She’d thought he meant he’d come visit for a day…not that she’d mind under normal circumstances but…spending three days with Matt at the moment?

“Well we can’t have you at a loose end can we darling?” She forces herself to joke. 

She hears him chuckle but then he gives a gasp and quickly corrects himself. “No wait, I didn’t mean I need to kill time so that’s why I want to visit - I - I’d love to see you anyway, I just thought it was the perfect opportunity to, to -”

Alex laughs, cutting him off. “I know you daft fool, stop babbling,” she tells him fondly. 

He laughs. “Well good. It’ll be great to catch up with you. And see Salome too - I’m fond of that little rascal.”

She chuckles, smiling. “I know you are. She’s fond of you too - she’ll be over the moon you’re coming to visit.”

“Well brilliant. Oh - know any decent hotels near by? I googled but you know, I’ve no idea where any of these places are and they all look kind of the same…”

“Oh - no, no don’t be ridiculous, you don’t need to stay in a hotel, I have three spare rooms, Matt,” she blurts out before she can stop herself. She feels her stomach turn over as she realises just what she’s offered - but she can’t take it back now - and anyway, it _would_ have been very rude of her if she hadn‘t…

“Oh - really? I mean - if you’re sure that would be great but I wouldn’t want to impose…”

“Don’t be silly, you won’t be! We’d love to have you stay. It’ll be so nice to catch up. If you‘re coming all the way up to visit me the least I can do is offer you a room.”

“Okay, well, if you’re sure…”

She swallows. “I am.”

“Brilliant! Anyway I’ve gotta go, but I’ll give you a call next week when I know what time I’ll be able to get up there.”

“Okay. I’ll speak to you next week then.”

“Yep. Talk to you then. Bye Kingston!”

“Bye Matt.” 

She hangs up the phone and bites her lip. 

Three days. Three days, and two nights. 

It’ll be fine, she tells herself firmly. It’s not like it was Matt she’d been having these ridiculous dreams about anyway. And that’s all they were, just silly fantasies, born from her sexually frustrated mind. She sighs, getting to her feet. She’d better go find her daughter and tell her the news. 

\--

Alex dreams again that night, waking sometime around dawn, judging by the weak light beginning to filter through her blinds. When she makes sense of her surroundings her shoulders slump and she runs a slightly trembling hand through her hair. This one had been different. She was cooing ‘sweetie,’ in his ear and he was groaning ‘River’ into hers but…she knew he was Matt. In her dream she felt aware that she wasn’t really with the Doctor, and she wasn’t really River but still they kept the pretence up. 

Ugh. This was messing with her head something _terrible. Not wanting to fall into another alarming dream, Alex drags her tired body from her bed, throwing on a robe and making her way downstairs. She makes herself a cup of tea and snuggles into the sofa, turning the telly on and settling on some rubbish programme they only showed at this time in the morning. She isn’t watching it anyway, her mind instead attempting to make sense of her dream._

It couldn’t be that she wanted _Matt Smith_ like that…could it? Of course it couldn’t - because - because he was _far_ too young for her. The idea was ridiculous. Again, she decided it must be because she’d spoken to him and was thinking about him since he was coming to visit, and her mind had jumbled him and the Doctor up in her dream. Not much of a leap, she supposed, when he was the man who played him. But it was definitely _the Doctor_ that her subconscious apparently wanted - and it was _as River_ that she desired him. 

She sighs. Maybe she’s getting too involved in her character. River Song had gotten to her in a way she doesn’t remember another character ever doing. She felt ridiculously attached to her, and had to admit she often spent rather a lot of time thinking and theorising about her, contemplating her thoughts and feelings. That was all Steven’s fault too - he wanted his characters and stories to lodge themselves in people’s minds and by God was he good at it. 

Maybe she was getting premature senile dementia. In her dreams, her subconscious seemed to think she actually was River Song. Maybe soon she’d start to think she was her in real life too. Alex giggles at the thought and decides she really hasn’t had enough sleep. 

The tea calms her, and she does manage to drift back off into a light doze on the sofa before her daughter wakes her a couple of hours later, her last thought before she nods off being that she has to pull herself together before Matt comes to visit next week.

\--

The week passes quickly. Salome is extremely excited about Matt coming to stay, telling her mother all the things they need to do and show him while he is here, and asking if she could invite her friends over to ‘meet the Doctor’ (to which Alex had replied with a firm no way, and told her off for asking.)

The day before Matt is due to arrive, Alex is on the phone to him as she stirs the Bolognese sauce she’s making for dinner, refusing to believe there is a stirring in her lower abdomen as his deep voice babbles away in her ear. 

She clears her throat and forces herself pay attention to what he’s saying; rattling off information she needs to listen to. 

“…should be with you no later than two? Obviously I’ll call if my flight’s delayed or anything. Oh - and can I have your post code so I can actually tell the cab driver where I’m going when I get there?” He laughs and she smiles and gives it to him. 

“So…I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon then?” She says, forcibly bright. 

“Yep. Looking forward to it!”

“Yeah - me too. Hope your flight’s okay.”

“Thanks. See you tomorrow?”

“See you then. Bye.”

She hangs up and sighs, putting her phone down on the counter and pressing her fingers to her forehead before a hissing makes her jump, and she swears, hurriedly stirring the sauce burning in the pan and realising she’d been neglecting to do so for the last couple of minutes. 

She has a feeling it is going to be a long few days. But on the up side, she hadn’t had any more naughty dreams since the one that had made her get up early last week. 

Maybe she’d gotten over her silly fantasy. Maybe it would be fine, Matt staying with her. She nods as she opens a packet of pasta. Of course it would. It was just _Matt,_ those dreams had obviously been just a phase - some ridiculous midlife crisis, and all because she’d got too tangled up in a character‘s head. Matt was _Matt,_ and it would be _fine._

\--

River bites her lip with a pleased grin, standing before the Doctor - both of him - as he runs eager hands over her body. 

She is playing the submissive role tonight, letting her Doctors strip her quickly, grinning at them as she obligingly lifts her arms over her head and steps out of her jeans. They guide her over to the bed and sit her down, one Doctor crawling up beside her and unclasping and removing her bra before pushing her to lie back, as the other motions for her to lift her hips so he can slide her knickers down and off her legs. 

The Doctor on the bed - shirtless, she happily notes, leans down to hover over her and kisses her deeply, all tongues and slow licks as the other man pushes her knees apart and begins to kiss a wet trail up her thigh. River breaks away from the Doctor’s mouth with a moan to look up at him with a gleam in her eye before glancing down at the one between her legs. He winks up at her as the other begins to kiss and suck at her neck. “Well, aren’t I a spoilt girl tonight?” She purrs in delight.

She feels the grin against her neck and hears the chuckle into the soft skin of her inner thigh, and receives light nips on both parts of her body in response to her words. 

“No cheek from you Miss Song,” The Doctor mumbles against her collarbone, licking a wet trail over it. “You just lie there and relax….”

“…And let me do all the work,” the other finishes, before lifting her thigh to rest on his shoulder and finally moving forwards to press his mouth to her dripping centre. 

River hums in pleasure, eyes closing and head tilting back as she moves a hand up to run through the Doctor’s hair, while the other reaches out beside her to grip a tight handful of the bed sheets. She has a feeling she is going to need it. 

The Doctor over her moves down her body until he is mouthing at the soft skin of her right breast, his hand coming up to cup the other one and massage it slowly. Between her legs, the Doctor licks up through her folds, opening her to him before swirling his tongue round her entrance, hands tightening on her thighs as he hums softly against her. River gasps, thrusting up towards his face eagerly, but the other Doctor uses his free hands to pin her hips down, making a sound of protest against her chest. 

She huffs, and arches up towards _his_ mouth instead, and thankfully, he obliges her, taking a nipple into his mouth to suck and swirl his tongue around it while at the same time his tongue continues to circle her slick entrance, dipping just inside to lick at her walls before sliding out again. River isn’t sure she’s going to last very long at all tonight if they carry on like this. 

“Sweetie,” she begs. “Sweetie, _more,_ please, please…”

The Doctor grips tighter at her thighs and pushes his tongue further inside her while the other releases her nipple to breathe ‘shhh,’ against her lips before claiming her mouth and kissing her quiet. His hand remains on her breast, still massaging the soft flesh and pinching her nipple a few times between his thumb and forefinger and she cries out into his mouth, hand gripping his hair and the sheets tightly as she struggles to rock her hips into his face. 

She kisses him back fiercely, letting him feel just how mad he is driving her, how much _pleasure_ he’s giving her, and the rhythm his tongue is moving inside her mouth is perfectly matching the rhythm in which the tongue of the other Doctor was lapping at her inner walls. The Doctor between her legs slides his tongue out and licks up to push it against her clit and her body jerks, his tongue beginning to move in firm circles round the swollen nub. She moans into the other Doctor’s mouth and in turn, his tongue begins to circle her own, still in perfect rhythm and she doesn’t know whether their minds are connected in some way or if the Doctor kissing her is gauging what his counterpart is doing to her by her reactions and altering his own tactic accordingly. 

River doesn’t really care. All she knows is it feels fucking _amazing_ . There was definitely something to be said for being able to snog someone at the same time as receiving oral sex. 

The large hand on her breast doesn’t stop massaging the tender flesh, moving from one to the other, making sure both nipples stay hard and tingling for his touch and she moans, low and hoarse, sucking desperately on the Doctor’s tongue as he increases the speed and pressure of his movements against her clit. 

With everywhere being stimulated at once, River can feel an orgasm building alarmingly quickly between her legs. She begins to let out rhythmic moans into the Doctors mouth, breaking from it every so often to gasp in a mouthful of air as her muscles tighten and her body begins to tremble beneath his. 

He sucks on her clit at the same time as he sucks on her tongue and his fingers pinch her nipple again and white hot pleasure shoots through her, and all she needs is one _little bit more -_

She feels his hand slip from her thigh and two fingers push inside her to curl and press against the exact perfect spot as he sucks even harder in both places and she is gone. She shouts her release into the Doctors mouth, bucking her hips violently into his face as she thrashes and twists beneath him, coming so hard she thinks she’s going to _black out -_

\--

Alex gasps in mouthfuls of sweet, sweet air, gulping it greedily into her lungs as her body shakes and shudders hard all over, whimpers leaving her throat as her inner walls clench painfully around nothing and she tries to make sense of what is happening. 

The only thing she can understand for several moments is that she has just come. Very hard. When she also realises that she is Alex Kingston and not River Song, alone in her bed and not pinned underneath two Doctors she continues to gasp for air in disbelief. Because that had been so real. So _so_ real. 

Of course, she’d had many of these dreams, but they’d never got that _far_ before - she’d never climaxed in them - she didn’t even know it was possible to actually have a real orgasm while sleeping. Clearly she’d been wrong. _Clearly._

She is in trouble. In oh so, so much trouble. She’s just had an orgasm while dreaming about a character she plays opposite of on a show. A character played by the co-star coming to visit her tomorrow. Or - today now, judging by the weak light through her blinds. She is _in trouble._

Alex flops back down, letting out a heavy sigh. This is going to be a long three days.


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting in her living room with Salome bouncing about and chatting excitedly, Alex taps her foot restlessly, absently biting her nails. Matt is due to arrive any minute now and is the source of her uneasiness. Part of her is looking so forward to seeing him - she’d always been terribly fond of the loveable fool - and (rather evidently) she’d come to realise she was quite attracted to him too which is always nice with someone you get along so well with. On the other hand, she isn’t sure what her brain is going to do to her with him so close by - just talking to him over the phone had sent those stupid fantasies of his character into overdrive. 

And with her most recent dream still crystal clear in her mind she’s not sure how she’s going to deal with this. Whatever happened to dreams you forgot as soon as you wake up? Or those ones you remember first thing but then slip out of your grasp as the day goes on? Why couldn’t she have those!?

She is jolted out of her thoughts by the sound of the doorbell and Salome jumping to her feet with a happy squeal and bolting down the hall. 

“Slow down Salome, you’ll slip!” Alex calls out automatically after her as she gets to her feet to follow her. 

Matt has lifted the little girl off her feet, swinging her round while they both laugh when Alex wanders into the hallway. 

“Kingston!” He grins at her when he sees her, setting her daughter down and stepping over the threshold to approach her. 

She swallows and pastes a smile on her face, trying to force her body not to tense up when he wraps his arms round her and hugs her tightly. 

“I’ll help you with your bags Matty!” Salome offers, grabbing the handle of his large suitcase. 

He laughs, releasing Alex to turn back to her daughter. “I think that one’s a bit heavy for you pet, why don’t you let me take it eh?”

“No, no, it’s okay I’m strong. Yesterday I punched Jason in Karate and he couldn’t get off the floor for ten whole minutes!” She tells him, immensely proud of herself. 

Moving over to them, Alex places a hand on her daughters head. “That’s because you punched poor Jason somewhere that’s rather delicate for boys sweetheart,” she says patiently, catching Matt’s eye and laughing as he winces sympathetically. 

Salome blinks up at her. “Huh?” 

She pats her head affectionately. “Never mind honey. How about you go and stick the kettle on for me while I show Matt up to his room? I’m sure he’s dying for a cup of tea.”

“Oh, you read my mind Kingston,” Matt grins, and Salome skips off while he picks up his case and moves into her hallway. 

Alex closes the door behind him. “So, how was the flight?” She asks conversationally as she leads him up the stairs, determined to think normal thoughts. 

“Oh yeah, it was fine. Went over the script I have for my audition and caught up on a bit of sleep.”

“That’s good; I expect you needed it after all the promotion work?”

“Yeah, it was fun but exhausting. You have a lovely house, Alex.”

“Thank you. It’s too big for just me and Salome really but I like the space.”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful out here too. I can see why you stay.”

She smiles. “Yeah.” She opens and door and motions him into the room. It’s the larger of the three guest rooms but that has little to do with the reason she chose it; it’s the furthest away from her own room, at the opposite end of the upstairs landing. 

“Wow, Alex this is fantastic!” He enthuses as he deposits his case by the bed and bounces around the huge room excitedly, looking out the window at the balcony overlooking her garden, and opening the door by the cupboard. “I even have my own bathroom!”

She laughs. “Glad you approve.”

He grins at her. “Thanks so much for letting me stay. And it’ll be great to spend some time with you and Salome, you know - away from work. We never have much of a chance to do anything socially when you’re over for Who.”

“Yeah, um, actually…” she bites her lip and fidgets a bit. “Salome’s leaving tomorrow. Her father’s taking her on holiday - they’re going skiing in Switzerland. He booked it last minute and couldn’t get anything except the earlier date so um…he’s having her a week early and she’s staying an extra week here when they get back.”

Florian had called her up yesterday with his plans. Alex hated that she had been immediately filled with both dread and excitement at the thought of spending a day and half in her house alone with Matt. 

“Oh, okay,” Matt nods, then grins. “I love skiing, bet she’ll have a great time - has she ever been before?”

“No, she’s always wanted to - but she was _so_ disappointed to have to leave early while you’re here. Honestly I think she’d almost have rather stayed.”

Matt laughs. “Well I’m flattered! What time’s she going?”

“He’s picking her up around lunchtime.”

“Maybe we could do something tomorrow morning then - I’ll take you both out for breakfast!” He offers enthusiastically. 

“Oh - no you don’t have to we can just -”

“No, no - honestly. It’s the least I can do.”

“Well okay. That will be lovely, thanks. Um - I’ll go and make some tea,” she says, starting to back out of the room. “Oh - sitting room’s downstairs, turn right at the bottom, second door on the left.”

He nods, still looking around with a grin on his face. “Okay, I’ll be down in a minute.”

Her eyes go wide in alarm when a sudden vivid image of his counterpart going down in her dream last night hits her. She just manages to suppress a gasp and stumbles backwards as heat pools in her lower abdomen, glad he is not looking at her because he would surely see her sudden fluster, and she squeaks out a quick, “I’ll leave you to it!” Before shutting the door and letting herself slump against it. 

Her face burns and so do other parts of her body. Parts the definitely _shouldn’t_ be burning in response to the man the other side of the door. She runs a hand through her curls and takes a deep breath as she tries to rid her mind of the image and compose herself before heading downstairs. 

It is going to be a _long_ three days. 

\--

The afternoon passes quickly. Matt plays football with Salome in the garden while Alex sits in a chair and refuses to join them with a laugh, no matter how many times they pester her. She eventually leaves them to it to go and make dinner, and finds them in the living room once she’s got everything in the oven. Salome is making Matt watch Pocahontas, one of her favourite Disney movies, with her. Alex suppresses a laugh when she sees Matt frowning at the screen as Salome sings along loudly, and decides to help him out a little. 

“Um Matt - you couldn’t come and give me a hand in the kitchen for a minute could you?”

“What? Oh yeah sure.”

“Oh - shall I pause it for you Matt?” Salome asks when he gets up. 

“No, no, that’s alright pet, you keep watching, I’ll be back in a bit.”

He pats her head on the way out and Alex shakes her own fondly as she leads him to the kitchen. 

“Thought you could use a break,” she grins at him, motioning to a stool by the island in the middle as she wanders over to the cupboards and extracts a bottle of red wine. “Drink?”

“What - oh - yes please - and no, I don’t mind, honestly. She’s a great kid.”

Alex nods, smiling, as she pours out two glasses. “Yeah. I know she’s tiring though. Especially when she’s in one of these moods. Still - it’s better than her grumpy mood, you do _not_ want to know that one.”

Matt chuckles and takes the glass she hands him as she plops herself down opposite. 

“I had fun this afternoon though,” Matt says. “And she’s not half bad at kicking a ball about you know!”

Alex laughs, propping her head on her hand. “Would you like kids of your own some day?”

Matt nods. “Definitely. I’d love them.”

“You’d be a wonderful father.”

“Well…thanks,” he grins, rubbing the back of his neck and making her laugh again. 

“Mostly because you’re just like a big kid yourself,” she adds cheekily and he pretends to be offended as she giggles at him, bumping her in the shin lightly with his foot under the counter.

Alex firmly _ignores_ the thought of his foot sliding up her leg at the touch, Goddamn it this was Matt! She clears her throat and looks down as she takes a sip (gulp) of her wine. 

“So.” He smiles at her. “How have you been?”

“Oh - me? Well, yeah - I’ve been great. Just fine!” She says breezily, wincing at how unnaturally enthusiastic it sounds as she lies through her teeth, because really, _I’ve been going mad with sexual frustration and dreaming of fucking your character as mine every night - oh not to mention usually in these dreams there’s more than one of you._ \- Yeah, being honest wasn’t an option. 

Matt doesn’t seem to pick up on her fib and nods. “Good, I’m glad. Must be nice to have a bit of a break from work right? Spend some time with Salome.”

“Yeah, it’s great to have time with her - especially as she’s on holiday at the moment, so she’s around all the time. Honestly though, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when she goes away.”

Matt bumps her foot with his own. She wishes he would stop doing that. “Well - you’ll have me for the first day and a half.” He grins at her, and she laughs but feels her stomach tighten at the thought and she’s not sure with what feeling. 

\--

After dinner they sit around the coffee table with a game of monopoly and play for two and a half hours (Matt cheating all the way through - does he think she can’t see him slipping money from the bank into his own pile?) before Alex notices the amount of time between both Salome and Matt’s yawns is getting increasingly shorter and so calls an end to the game. 

“But mum -”

“No buts darling, you can hardly stay awake - and neither can poor Matt. He’s had a long flight today and a busy week, I’m sure he’s dying to get some rest.”

Matt nods, yawning again. “Sorry pet but I’m gonna have to agree with your mother here,” he says, tossing his property cards and money onto the board. “I’m knackered.”

Salome pouts at him. “You’re only saying that cause you’re _losing,”_ she sticks her tongue out sulkily and Alex chides her. 

“Oh here comes the grumpy - definitely past your bedtime missy, go on, up you go and get ready - I’ll be up in a moment.”

Her daughter huffs dramatically but grudgingly gets to her feet (Alex normally would have been met with more of a protest Salome is obviously not wanting to show herself up in front of Matt) and gives their guest a goodnight hug before heading off upstairs. Matt helps Alex tidy away the monopoly board and eyes her as she tucks it away in a cabinet filled with board games and toys of Salome’s. 

“You don’t mind if I head off to bed do you?” He asks, stretching. “I really am pretty damn knackered - think I’m still half jet-lagged to be honest.”

Alex laughs fondly. “No, no, course not darling, it’s gone ten anyway. You go get some sleep.”

“Alright,” he nods and goes to leave the room. “Oh - Alex?” He pauses in the doorway. 

She straightens from closing the cabinet door. “Hm?”

“Thanks again, for, you know,” he scratches his head, that lopsided smile she’s dreadfully fond of tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Letting me stay.”

“Don’t be daft,” she smiles softly. “It’s a pleasure having you. To stay! Having you _to stay._ ” She blushes and is glad he is too sleepy to notice her fluster. 

“Okay. Well - night.”

Alex opens her mouth to reply but is cut off by the sound of her daughter’s voice drifting down from upstairs. “Mum! Are you coming to tuck me in?”

She catches Matt’s eyes, rolling her own as he grins. “In a minute love!” She calls back. “Brush your teeth!”

“I have!” Comes the reply. 

Alex sighs as she motions for Matt to leave the room so she can follow him upstairs. 

“Can you come and tuck me in too?” He grins cheekily when they reach his door. 

“Oh shush,” she says, shoving his shoulder, but she swallows when he turns away with a laugh, because there is nothing she would like to do more right now that to follow him into the guest room and tuck him in to bed. Next to her. Or, you know, on top of her. 

Her eyes widen at her own thoughts and she blushes red again, glad that Matt has closed his door and cringing in mortification at the thought of him knowing what she was thinking. It really was terrible of her. _Terrible._

 _“Mum!”_

“Alright, I’m here!” She snaps back a bit more irritably than she should have done, as she moves down the hall into her daughter’s room. 

She doesn’t go to bed for a another couple of hours, opting to watch television and sip at a glass of wine until she is (hopefully) too tired to keep her eyes open. She tunes into some crime drama, and forces herself to focus on the fast-paced plot and keep her mind _off_ the man sleeping upstairs. 

When she finally tiptoes quietly up to bed a little after midnight, she is pleasantly tired, but once she slides between cold sheets and settles down with a shiver she is wide awake. With - literally and certainly not figuratively speaking - the man of her dreams just across the damn hall from her, Alex doesn’t know how she will ever find any rest that night, her mind already going a mile a minute as all of her sinful dreams about him rush back to her in one big wave of heat. She makes a sound of frustration, pressing the heel of her hand to her forehead. 

“Stop it,” she whispers in the dark. “Stop thinking of that Alex. Now. And go to bloody sleep.” She sighs heavily, forcing herself to close her eyes, and then squeezing them shut as she bites her lip. “And oh please, please don’t have any of those dreams tonight.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Matt?” Alex blinks sleepily as she slowly wakes up, quickly noting that it’s still dark in her room, and knowing she wouldn’t have been able the make out the figure shaking her gently awake if he hadn’t been hovering so close to her. She looks up at him in confusion, sitting up a bit and rubbing at her eyes. “What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night…”

“I know,” is all he says, looking at her strangely. 

She frowns in confusion. “Is everything okay?”

Matt shakes his head, that intense look still present in his gaze as he stares down at her. “No. Not really.”

She sits upright a bit more but Matt doesn’t move backwards - if anything, he leans down and this brings their faces closer together. 

She watches his Adams apple bob as he swallows and she swallows herself, trying not to focus on the pale column of his neck, just a little rough with stubble. “What is it darling?” She says, hoping her voice didn’t sound as hoarse to him as it did to her. 

“You.”

She blinks. “Me?”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. And now I can’t sleep.”

Her mouth opens and closes like a fish. “Oh - …I…uh -”

Placing one knee on the bed, Matt leans in closer still and she instinctively leans back a little, her eyes wide. “You’re driving me mad Alex.”

“I -”

He takes her hand in his, guiding it to him and placing it - so boldly it makes her jump - on the huge, _hard_ bulge in his boxer shorts. She gasps, but doesn’t pull her hand away, wide eyes finding his in alarm. 

“I want you Alex. And I know you want me…” He leans in, bringing his other knee up onto the bed so he can crawl forward, making her lean back until she is lying down again, with him hovering over her as he says in a low, seductive tone, just above a whisper; “I know you’ve been dreaming about me.”

Alex gasps, pulling her hand away from him like he had burned her, and staring up at him in shocked panic. _“How!?”_ She breathes, but Matt just smirks and leans down closer, lowering his body to press it to the length of hers as his hands capture hers and pin them to the pillow beside her head, his mouth hovering just over her own as he speaks. 

“You’ve dreamed about me every night haven’t you? Me and you like this…” He leans in and kisses her jaw, his tongue snaking out to lick at her skin but she shakes her head in adamant protest. 

“No -” she gasps out, “Not - not me and you, it was -”

“The Doctor, I know. And River. But it’s _me_ you want really Alex and you know it,” he nips at the skin of her neck before lifting his head to look her in the eyes. “Because I _am_ the Doctor.”

He kisses her then, hard and bruising, and God help her but she kisses him back, unable to do anything else when he is on her like this, his whole body pressed to her own with just a few thin layers of material between them, doing nothing to disguise the erection digging hard into her hip. 

He rolls his hips against hers, making her squeak into his mouth and turn her head to the side so she can gasp in air. His hands release hers to trail down her sides and back up, lifting her thin top with them and brushing over the sides of her heaving breasts. “You want me, don’t you?”

Alex nods helplessly as she spreads her legs and tries to get her body closer to his. 

“Tell me you want me.”

“I want you Matt!” She gasps out as his fingertips find her nipples beneath her top, running over them, his hands squeezing at her breasts. “I want you _so badly_ \- please darling -”

“Bloody hell yes Alex,” he answers, a groan into her hair as he kisses the shell of her ear. “All I want is to be buried inside you…”

She moans loudly at that, arching up towards his hands and then helping him remove her top when he sits up to do so. She tugs at his own t-shirt and he whips it over his head before she wraps her arms round him and pulls him back down on top of her, their naked torsos pressing together, her nipples hard against his chest. 

They kiss again, teeth clashing and tongues battling, Matt’s hands are all over her and it feels amazing. He slides one down beneath the bed sheet still trapped between them where it had pooled round her waist and he cups her aching sex through her cotton shorts. She grunts and bucks her hips up into his hand and Matt breaks from her mouth to mutter into her hair in a hoarse voice; “Fuck, love…I can _feel_ how wet you are through these…”

Alex only moans, wriggling in frustration as she tries to get him closer, slipping her own hand down and straight into his shorts where she can wrap it around his hot hard length. He grunts and thrusts towards her and she grins as she starts to stroke him - the angle is awkward with her hand trapped between her bodies and under the elastic waistband of his boxers but she manages. Matt quickly reciprocates, sliding a hand into her pyjama shorts and down through the aching slick flesh between her legs. 

“Ooh, _yes_ honey, there…” She sighs as he runs fingers through her wet folds, quickly finding her clit and wasting no time in beginning to run a fingertip round it in hurried circles. 

She throws her head back and lets out a sound of pleasure, arching into his touch. 

“Matt - yes! Harder, please Matt, more…” She begs as she squeezes him in her hand and burns inside with the anticipation of having all this deliciously hard length inside her. 

He replaces his finger with the pad of his thumb so he can slide two digits inside her and begin to stroke her inner walls too, making the heat inside her reach boiling point. 

“Oh - Matt!” She moans, and he rubs harder, curling his fingers _just so_ and making her gasp and twist beneath him. “Matt,” she pants his name over and over, her cries growing in volume as she climbs higher and higher in her pleasure. 

“Matt…Matt…Matt!… _Matt…!”_

\--

“Alex?” 

The loud, sudden sound of the handle turning and her door creaking open, light flooding into the room from the hallway shocks her awake. Alex feels like she’s had a bucket of ice water thrown over her as she looks up in absolute panic at the figure blocking the light in the doorway. 

“Matt!” She gasps, scrambling to sit up in her bed, clutching the sweat-damp sheets tightly round her aroused aching body. She is flushed red and panting hard, and her whole body is flooding with absolute mortification. 

He steps into the room, scratching at his head. “What is it - are you okay?” He looks half asleep and confused as he frowns with concern at her. 

“Y - yes - I’m fine!” She squeaks out, staring at him with wide eyes and a heart beating so fast she thinks it might explode. 

His frown deepens. “What did you want?”

“Wh - what?”

“You called me.”

Alex wants to _die_ . Here, right now. She’d quite _like_ her heart to explode actually. 

“I - …did I?”

He nods, moving further towards the bed. “Yes, several times. Are you alright?”

She swallows, and quickly forces herself to blurt out the first lie that comes to her. “Yes - I did! I’m sorry, I…I was - I think I was having a nightmare. But I thought there was someone in the room - I - it’s why I called you. I’m sorry…”

Good _God_ she is glad she’s an actress. 

“Oh.” He makes a show of glancing around and looks back at her with a half smile. “Well there’s no-one here.”

“N - no, I know - I - I think I must have still been asleep. It’s - I watched a stupid crime-horror thing before I went to bed, that must have been it - I - I just…Sorry. I’m sorry for waking you.”

He shakes his head. “No it’s okay. You sounded pretty upset…are you alright now?”

“Yes!” She squeaks out, her voice breaking on the word and Matt steps a bit closer, peering down at her with a frown, his eyes taking in her trembling mess of a form, huddled in the bed sheets. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes - I’m fine, I’m fine,” she tries to smile at him all while she wants the floor to open up and bloody swallow her and _oh God_ she is _throbbing_ between her legs and - and now he’s here, and he - and she - and she needs him to just - just _go_ or - or…

Oh God. This is like some kind of bloody torture. 

He places a hand on her shoulder and she gasps, flinching away as white hot lust shoots through her at that simple touch. 

“Alex,” he says gently, replacing the hand, ignoring when she twitches under his touch again, lightly rubbing over her shoulder. “You’re not fine…you’re shaking…”

“No, no, I am fine!” She squeaks, shrugging him off and shuffling away from him on the bed as she runs a hand through her curls and gives a forced nervous laugh. She quickly drops the hand when she sees his eyes flicker to it and notices how much it’s trembling. “I was just…just a shock, is all. I’m sure, I…I’m _fine._ I’m so sorry I woke you; please go back to bed darling…”

 _Please please go back to bed because I don’t know what I’m going to do if you stay here._

He looks dubious, eyeing her carefully. “Are you sure I can’t do anything? Want me to stay and chat for a bit until you’ve calmed down?”

“No!” She all but yelps. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m calm. I am calm. Honestly, you don’t need to fuss…”

He looks at her, concerned, for another moment before nodding and moving away. “Okay. Um…call me if you need anything, okay?”

She swallows and nods. “Okay.”

“Night.”

“Night,” she whispers back as he shuts the door quietly behind him. 

She flops back down onto her back, pulling her duvet up over her head and groaning into it. That had possibly been the most embarrassing moment of her entire life. 

Alex hardly sleeps a wink after that, reliving the few minutes and the dream before hand over and over again and growing steadily more mortified each time. She knows her cries must have been loud if he’d heard her from the other end of the hall - and she has never been more damn glad that her daughter is the heaviest sleeper she’s ever known. She also doesn’t know exactly how much of what she said in her dream had come out of her mouth, but is just bloody grateful that all Matt heard was his name - and even more grateful that he was sleepy enough to accept her story without thought, and not to notice the flush on her cheeks, or realise that she trembled with desire and not shock, or that her eyes were surely clouded with lust. 

The worst part is, she’d have thought the horror and panic of Matt walking in on her would have expelled the aroused state the dream had left her in but _oh no._ If anything, having Matt in her room, by her bed, so close and even _touching her_ so immediately after having dreamed of him doing deliciously wonderful things to her had made it worse. She wanted him. She _ached_ for him, it was a fact now, and in the darkness of the night, alone in her bed, she couldn’t even bring herself to care.

She tries to put him out of her mind, thinking of anything else determinedly, but it was no use; her dream just kept playing over and over in her head. She’d even, in desperation in the small hours of the morning, padded over and locked her door before pulling out her Rabbit from her bedside drawers and burrowing under her duvet with it, biting her lip and clenching sheets hard in her free hand to remain silent as she pleasured herself. She’d not even bothered trying not to think about him, knowing it was futile, instead hoping that this might provide her with some relief. 

She’d finally drifted into an exhausted sleep some time after, trying not to worry about how the _hell_ she was going to face him tomorrow - or ever again. 

\--

Matt doesn’t mention the night’s events over coffee in her kitchen the next morning and she is exceedingly glad for she is sure she wouldn’t be able to prevent herself from flushing deep red if she had to lie about her dreams again, and without the cover of darkness he would surely notice. 

Thankfully, Salome is up early, and provides enough of a distraction for her to not linger too terribly on the painfully cringe-worthy memory. Her daughter is practically bouncing off the walls, excited both at having Matt with them, and the impending holiday she was leaving for with her father today, and it takes all of Alex’s energy just to get her ready to leave the house. 

They pile into Alex’s car just after nine, and Salome does most of the chattering on the short drive to the café in the nearest town. She is never gladder of her daughter’s talkative nature.

Of course, she is then swiftly reminded that she only has this for another few hours - then it’s just her and Matt. Alone. In her house. Together. Her and Matt, who she had dreamed about crawling into her bed and sliding his hands into her shorts last night. She lets out a small choked gasp as she pulls into a parking space, and has to pretend to cough as Matt asks her if she’s alright, nodding while her face flushes red. 

They order breakfast, and she stirs her tea quietly as they all sit round the little table, Salome chattering excitedly about her impending holiday. Matt is obviously making a point of ignoring the events of the middle of the night - and she assumes (and hopes) because he thinks she may be embarrassed and _not_ because he’s figured out the real reason she was calling his name. But it feels like avoiding an elephant in the room, and the more they do it, the more ridiculous it becomes. So, while Salome is engrossed in her waffles and texting her friend (honestly, her daughter was addicted to that phone) Alex clears her throat and takes the plunge. 

“I’m so sorry I woke you up last night Matt,” She mutters quickly in a low voice as she looks down at her plate, cutting up her food intently. 

“What - oh - oh don’t worry about it,” Matt sounds surprised she has raised the subject but when she glances up at him she sees him watching her carefully and knows he hadn’t forgotten about it. 

“I feel bad though, it was so silly - I…I’m sorry I called you.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t be.” His brow furrows and he leans forward to look at her a bit closer, dropping his voice a bit more with a glance to Salome. “Although, are you sure you’re alright? You were pretty shaken.”

“Oh,” she forces a laugh, knowing she is blushing but also knowing there’s nothing she can do about it. “Course. I was just being silly. Anyway, I’m sorry for waking you.”

He opens his mouth as if to say something else but Salome puts down her phone and turns to them to start babbling away again and the subject is dropped. 

\--

All too soon, they are back at the house, and a car is coming up her driveway. 

“Salome!” She calls out to her daughter who is currently making poor Matt play Nintendo games with her. “Your father’s here, go and get your stuff!”

Salome squeals happily and rushes off upstairs, dragging Matt with her to help as Alex sighs and moves to answer the door. 

“Hello,” she greets Florian politely. 

“Alright?” Her ex husband asks, offering her a friendly smile. 

Alex nods. “Yeah. Salome’s ridiculously excited.”

“Just coming Dad!” Their daughter hollers from upstairs and the sound of her and Matt’s voices drift down. 

Florian frowns. “Who’s that?”

“What? Oh - that’s Matt. You know, from Who. He was over promoting in New York so he came to visit.”

"Oh. Long way to come just to visit." Florian comments.

"Well, he’s staying a couple of days," Alex says, deliberately casual. 

"Oh. So...it'll just be you and him once we’re gone?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Salome! Hurry up your father’s waiting!” She calls up. 

“That's...cosy."

Alex frowns at her ex husband. "What?”

Florian purses his lips. "Oh come on Alex. He came all the way from New York just to visit? And now he’s staying over, just the two of you?”

Alex‘s frown turns to a cross scowl. "Don't be so bloody ridiculous," She snaps in a hushed tone. "I'm old enough to be his mother." _Yes, Alex, you are, she reminds herself cruelly._

Florian raises his hands. “I just said it was cosy. The two of you here alone."

"Yes but I know exactly what you were thinking, I can tell by that tone,” she hisses. “And Matt’s a colleague and a good friend and I don't appreciate -"

"Alright, alright! Jesus keep your knickers on woman. Time of the month?"

Alex narrows her eyes at him. "You are such an arsehole, I remember why we’re not married anymore," she snaps. 

"Yeah, you and me both - Salome! There you are honey!" He greets their daughter aloud as she thunders down the stairs, Matt following behind at a slightly slower pace, bumping her huge suitcase down the stairs.

"Hi," he greets Florian politely with a smile when he reaches the bottom. "Matt," he says as he sticks out his hand. Alex’s ex grasps it firmly. 

"Oh I know who you are - Salome watches the show all the time,"' Florian replies, carefully pleasant and Matt laughs, ruffling Salome’s hair fondly.

“She’s a true little Whovian, aren’t you, trouble?”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Alright, come on then and give your mum a hug, let’s not keep Dad waiting.”

Salome hugs her tightly and Alex tells her to be careful, have fun and come back in one piece. She releases her daughter, who bounces to her father’s side excitedly, and he moves to take her case.

"See you in a week then," he says to Alex. 

"Mm. Be careful." She says, meaning the words as a warning; _you better look after our daughter._

Florian rolls his eyes. "Always am. Bye Alex." He leans in to kiss her cheek in farewell but she ducks back from him, frowning.

"Good _bye_ Florian." She says pointedly as she follows them to the door, waving at her daughter until they drive off. Matt is watching her carefully when she closes the door and turns back to face him. 

"Problem?" he asks with raises eyebrows. Alex sighs and rubs her face as she moves past him toward the kitchen. 

“Just...Florian being his usual delightful self." She says dryly, leaving out the part about the disagreement being over him. She huffs, filling the kettle and setting it to boil. "Tea?"

"Please. Want me to make it?"

She waves him off. "Don't be daft, you're the guest. Go and sit down I’ll do it."

Matt grumbles over her waiting on him but obediently takes a seat at the counter as she goes about taking mugs out while the kettle boils.

"So," he says brightly. "What do you want to do tonight? Will you let me take you out for a meal? You know, as a thank-you for having me?" 

She chuckles. "You don't need to do that." 

"Well I'm not letting you cook again Kingston. I feel guilty - you really didn't have to make that amazing pasta for lunch, sandwiches would have been fine; I'm an easy man to please."

Alex sucks in a sharp breath at the unintentional innuendo and fumbles with the sugar pot, spilling it all over the counter and swearing. "No, no," she says brightly as she cleans up the mess. "I don't mind at all."

"Well let me buy take out then. What do you like, pizza, Chinese? Fish and chips? I'm not fussy."

Alex giggles at him. "Darling I challenge you to find a fish and chip shop in LA." 

"Really? None?" 

"Not really, no."

Matt frowns a moment before his face suddenly lights up. "Do you have a barbecue?"

Alex’s eyebrows shoot up. "Yes but -"

"Excellent, I'll cook then! Burger and hot dogs sound good? Or we could do it posh, steak and salmon - where's your nearest shop? I'll go get some stuff - or actually, you better come with me cause I'll probably get lost and I'm still figuring out the currency..." 

Alex laughs at him, as she moves over to place his mug down in front of him, shaking her head fondly at his enthusiasm. "Well, if you really want to do it there's a shop just in town."

"Yes," he nods eagerly. "Yes I do!"

She smiles, shrugging. "Okay, we can go after tea then. Are you sure I can trust you around fire and hot coals?" 

"Oi! I’m offended by that Kingston." 

Alex just laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it wasn't a great ending to a chapter, but if I added anymore it would just be going on forever. I'll try and get the next one up soon as well :) Oh and thank you so much for all the lovely feedback so far! It makes me idiotically happy, and inspires me to keep writing :D


	5. Chapter 5

Matt is a bloody nightmare in the grocery store , she thinks it is almost worse than taking Salome with her. He bounces around excitedly, picking up all the brands and items of food he doesn't recognise and trying to put almost everything in the trolley under the insistence of "I've never tried these! And I'm paying Kingston so you don't get a say." Alex follows behind him with the trolley, rolling her eyes and discreetly removing most of what he puts in. 

He scratches his head when they get to the till and Alex begins unloading it. "I'm sure we had more than that."

"Nope," she replies breezily. "We got everything we needed."

After loading it into her car, they stop to grab coffees (Alex insisted she needed it to keep up with his energetic mood and he just laughed and said he was just happy.) They sink into deep leather sofa-chairs round a table in the corner and chat easily as they sip their drinks. It is so easy, being with Matt. Comfortable; it always has been. She is just thinking on it as there is a lull in the conversation, sipping at her coffee while she tells herself how ridiculous she had been, thinking of Matt in any other way than as a friend when that is so obviously what he is, when he clears his throat. 

"So..."

She looks up at him curiously. "So...?" she repeats slowly.

"Last night…"

Alex’s heart plummets. Oh God. Why was he bringing it up again? He hadn’t…hadn’t figured it out, had he!? 

“Oh,” she chuckles nervously, tucking a curl behind her ear. “I still feel terrible for waking you up.”

Matt shakes his head. “No, not at all, it’s just…”

Her heart pounds as she watches him with wide eyes. 

“You worried me, Alex,” he admits quietly. 

She gives a false laugh. “Sorry - It was so silly!”

He doesn’t join in her laughter, still looking a bit concerned. “Do you have dreams like that often?” He asks softly. 

Her eyes momentarily widen and she swallows, clearing her throat in attempts not to choke and smiling casually as she shrugs at him. “Sometimes - but it’s fine. They’re only dreams right?” She laughs nervously.

“But…” he fidgets. “What about when no-one’s here? I mean - you called me - and I’m glad you did, but you were really upset, what about -”

“Matt,” she cuts him off, squirming, because oh God this is so embarrassing. “It’s fine. I told you, I was just been silly. Just watched something a bit weird before bed that’s all.”

“But you were - I just can’t help thinking about when you’re on your own - I mean, if you have dreams that bad maybe you should talk to someone.”

“Um. What?”

“You know…a doctor or something.”

She looks down into her coffee and _bloody hell_ her face must be _scarlet_ because, _actually Matt, a_ Doctor _would definitely help - in fact, he kind of already is helping - in the dreams ._ Shit. She needs to get them off this topic and she fidgets, snapping, “Can we just drop the subject please Matt?”

Oops. She hadn’t meant that to come out so sharply, and she winces as he looks taken aback. 

“Yeah, s- sorry. I didn’t - I was just worried.”

Her face softens, and she reaches over to place a hand over his. “I know - I’m sorry. But I’m a big girl; you don’t need to worry about me.”

Matt nods and squeezes her hand before she lets go, and both of them sip at their coffees in silence, Matt contemplative, Alex embarrassed, for a quiet moment before he speaks again. 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” He asks softly. “The dream - it might help if you talk about it…”

She can’t help it, Alex snorts into her coffee - she thinks, as she attempts to cover it with a cough, it was really one of those ‘laugh or you’ll cry’ moments because it _definitely_ wasn’t a laughing matter. _Oh Matt,_ she thinks, _you really don’t know what you’re asking darling._

“No, I don’t,” she replies after clearing her throat. 

Matt nods and, thankfully, drops the subject. 

\--

Back at her house, as they unpack the shopping, Alex is quiet as Matt talks animatedly. The conversation had, inevitably, turned to Who, and Matt is currently explaining one of his theories with great enthusiasm while Alex bites her lip and tries to think of anything but her dreams. Which is not easy when the Doctor himself is talking about the Doctor and River’s relationship in her kitchen. 

“I mean - we must get married again properly at some point because you know my name, and what else could it mean by there only being one time I could tell you it?”

She just wishes he’d stop referring to them as we. 

She shrugs. “I dunno. Shall I leave all of this out of the freezer?”

“What - oh, yeah, yeah. Do you think we get married again this season? Steven won’t tell me a damn thing.” He narrows his eyes at her suddenly. “I bet you know, don’t you!?”

Alex looks up in surprise. “What?”

Matt gasps theatrically. “You know! I thought you’d been a bit quiet - _damn it,_ it’s not fair!” He whines. “I’m the lead, I should get told these things!” 

She manages to laugh at his pouting face and shake her head. “No, I don’t know. I’m afraid I’m just as much in the dark about this series as you are dear.”

He still peers at her intently and she wishes he’d stop doing that. “You still know something about us though don’t you?”

“No, not a thing!” She says brightly, _really_ trying not to think about all those things she assumes about them.

“You better not,” he narrows his eyes. “Or I’ll have to try and seduce the answer out of you.” 

She fumbles with the pack of burgers in her hand but manages not to drop them and forces out a bright laugh. “I’d like to see you try darling.” 

“Oh, trust me,” Matt says as he wanders past her towards the fridge, pausing behind her to lean in and speak low right into her ear; “I can be very persuasive.”

Alex forgets how to breathe for a few moments and goddamn it, is he trying to kill her!? She whips her head round to look at him but finds him happily slotting the butter into her fridge, humming nonchalantly to himself and she knows he was just messing around . Of course he was; innocent flirting - it’s what they do - what they’ve always done. Except Alex feels like she can’t really play along anymore when due to the nature of her recent dreams and thoughts there would no longer be anything innocent about her flirting with Matt. 

She clears her throat and shoves a hand through her curls. “You know what, I think I’m gonna go take a shower,” she says brightly. “Salome didn’t give me time for one this morning - you alright putting the rest of this away darling?”

“Oh - yeah, yeah. You go. I can go set the barbeque up. Is it out the back?”

“Um, in the shed, the key’s over there,” she points to a rack of various keys hanging by the back door and Matt moves over to peer at them. “Third row down, it’s got a pink key ring on it.”

He plucks a key from the rack and holds it up, letting it dangle from his finger for her to see. “This one?”

She swallows as she looks at it, unable to stop her eyes from sweeping over his hand and taking in those long fingers and large palm and the way the muscles in his arm were visible through his skin and thinking about what she’d dreamt of that hand doing to her last night - 

“Yes!” She squeaks. “That one - I, uh - I won’t be long!” She says as she backs out of the room. 

He waves her off. “It’s fine, take all the time you need.”

She nods and scurries off out of the kitchen and upstairs. She does want a shower but bloody hell, she just had to get out of there. She thinks she is going mad. 

“Right, _cold_ shower Alex,” she mutters to herself as she shuts her bedroom door and quickly strips off. “Cold shower and pull yourself together. It’s just _Matt,_ and you’re being ridiculous.” 

She pads into her bathroom and steps into the large shower. She turns the tap right round to cold and lets the water cascade over her until she is shivering, her skin covered in goose pimples, but it does nothing to soothe the burning ache between her thighs. 

Now totally uncomfortable in both ways, she gives up and turns it back to hot, letting out a heavy sigh as she braces her forearms on the tiled wall and lets her head drop into them. 

Bloody hell. She knows she can’t deny it anymore, whether it was caused by the dreams, or the dreams were a cause of it already buried within her, she _wants him._ She aches for him, and having him this close, being alone with him like this is killing her. 

She just wants…she needs…

Maybe…oh God, she can’t believe she is even considering this but maybe…she could just do it. It’s the perfect opportunity, him here, in her house all alone, away from work, just the two of them…maybe if they just - just shagged then all of this, this… _tormentorment _would leave her alone . He would be up for it, wouldn’t he? Their level of flirting had at times been obscene, all she had to do was step it up to the next level, it wouldn’t be hard.__

Bloody hell. She wants to do it. 

And she knows she is in danger of totally screwing up both her working relationship and friendship with Matt but she is honestly past the point of caring. Because if she doesn’t do something about these damned _feelings_ she’s been having about him lately and continues trying to work and be around him ignoring them she is going to go out of her mind. 

With that thought in mind and decision firmly made, she grabs the soap down and washes quickly, almost falling out of the shower in her haste to do what she has in mind before faltering and quickly stepping back in, turning the water on and grabbing her razor off the shelf. She cuts her legs twice and forces herself to pause and relax under the hot spray of the shower and get a bloody grip so she can pay attention as she carefully shaves everywhere else. 

When she finally clambers out again she feels primped and clean, and wraps a white towel tightly round her body before fussing with her hair a bit and re-applying light make up in the bathroom mirror. Putting down her mascara she pauses, leaning on the sink to look herself in the eye in the mirror. 

“Are you really going to do this Alex?” She whispers to herself and bites her lip. 

She knows the answer before asking the question and she takes one more deep breath before opening the door and heading out through her bedroom. With just the towel tucked round her, she pads down the upstairs hallway with hurried steps, and gets halfway down the stairs before she halts abruptly, clutching the banister as the reality and gravity of what she’s intending to do hits her. 

She falters, heart hammering and panic flooding through her. 

Oh God. _God_. What had she been _thinking!?_ She couldn’t have sex with Matt, was she going out of her mind!? 

It was _Matt_ , she worked with him and _God_ he was young enough to be her bloody son, and what made her think for one moment that he’d ever be even halfway interested in her? Well, the flirting - but friendly flirting and wanting to sleep with someone were two entirely unconnected things. Of course he didn’t want her like that - and then he’d say no, and it would be terribly awkward and embarrassing for both of them for ever more. 

_Bloody hell Alex!_ She scolds herself. _You’re losing your mind!_

These dreams were going to be the death of her. 

Turning on her heel, she races back up the stairs so fast she nearly falls flat on her face. She is in such a hurry to get back to her bedroom with her mind going a mile a minute as she mentally scolds herself over and over, she doesn’t hear the door of the guest room open or see Matt about to step out just as she rushes past it and they collide. Alex, being the smaller one, is knocked backwards and she stumbles and falls, and Matt flails forward to catch her but all he ends up doing is tripping over her legs and going tumbling down on top of her. 

_“Ow!”_

“Shit - Alex! Are you alright!?”

“Ow. Yeah, I’m fine,” she mumbles, a bit dazed as she winces at the pain of her arse and back colliding with the hard floor. It isn’t until a few seconds later that she realises Matt isn’t moving to get off her , and she blinks for another second until she realises his face is frozen, mouth open and eyes wide and locked on her - 

_Oh_. 

“Um.” Blushing, Alex waits for Matt to avert his eyes from her now very bare chest ; in the fall he had grabbed at her towel in an attempt to save her and consequently tugged it lose and it is now draped open at her sides. She would do something about it but she is kind of pinned underneath him.

His eyes snap up to hers and that’s when she feels it, distinctly, obviously - an erection growing swiftly in his trousers . 

Her own jaw drops and Matt goes scarlet and scrambles off her suddenly. Alex grabs the towel and tucks it back around herself as she sits up while Matt gets to his feet. 

“God Alex, I am _so_ sorry…” he gushes awkwardly, holding out a hand to help her up which she takes, laughing nervously and tucking a curl behind her ear as she stands up. 

“No, no, it’s alright, was an accident,” she mumbles, trying not to look at him as she notices him awkwardly attempting to cover the front of his trousers . Both of them are bright red and avoiding each other’s eyes, and Alex thinks she would normally have laughed something like this off, but due to what she’d been very much intending to do just moments before she can’t find anything funny about it. And the worst part of it all is that those few seconds - despite the situation - had sent lust shooting straight to her core and her body had responded instantly to the arousal of his own. 

Dark with lust, her eyes flicker up to his and he holds her gaze for a second, his own eyes as wide as hers, and her breath catches in her throat, her eyes flickering down to his trousers -

“Yeah, I…okay - sorry!” Matt squeaks out quickly before turning and practically bolting away from her, back inside his room . 

Alex lets out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, and with a very confused frown creased into her forehead, heart hammering and shaky legs, she makes her way back to her room.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex closes her bedroom door behind her, leaning back against it and letting her head drop back to connect softly with the wood as she blows out a deep breath, her eyes wide. 

What the hell had that been??

Matt had just… - she - and he…he…

 _He wants me!_ The voice in her head sings in delight, but Alex quickly shuts it up, shaking her head firmly because _no, no, no. He’s a man, Alex, a young man at that and he’s just unexpectedly had a half naked woman underneath him, of course his body was going to react._ Right? 

Her own body is tingling all over and the heat burning between her legs is worse than ever before. She is almost ashamed at the wetness that had pooled immediately in response to Matt’s reaction. But she couldn’t help it - her body didn’t understand the situation, and just moments before had been geared up with excitement in anticipation of this man. When he’d suddenly been on top of her, all pressed against her and ogling her and then - and then when he was suddenly _hard_ and pressing into her thigh - well. Her body kicked in and reacted before her brain did. 

She bites her lip as she pushes away from the door and mindlessly wanders over to her cupboard to pull out some underwear and begin dressing absently, worrying her bottom lip as she continues to replay the moment. 

She feels frustrated and confused, and half cross with herself for not just locking her arms round him and having her way with him there on the floor. _Except that would have been_ bad, _Alex,_ she tells herself firmly as she tugs a bra on. Definitely bad. For all those reasons she’d just decided moments before the incident itself. But then, really, she knows the main thing stopping her had been the fear of rejection, and hadn’t what had just happened been proof that that he wouldn’t say no?

After slowly dressing in a simple summer dress and flip flops and re-fussing with her hair and makeup, Alex hides in her room for another twenty minutes before deciding she really has to go out there and face him. She doesn’t know what she should feel about what happened or what he thinks, but she knows simply hiding from him and jumping to conclusions in her silly head isn’t going to help. 

It was probably just an uncontrollable natural reaction anyway. Bloody hell - maybe it had just been a while for the poor boy and nothing to do with her at all - and now he was probably worrying himself silly about her jumping to conclusions. Which she was. Which she _shouldn’t be_ and was going to stop doing and get down there right now and just play it by ear. 

Her heart hammers as she descends the stairs, and she pauses in the kitchen to dig out a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses from the cupboard because she knows she is going to need it. She walks outside, stepping off the patio and padding across the lawn to where Matt is standing with his back to her in front of the barbeque, poking at hot coals. 

She clears her throat and he half-glances around at her. 

“Hey,” she hedges cautiously, moving to peer over his shoulder. 

“Hi - I um…well I stuck some sausages on but I don’t think it’s hot enough yet so I’m gonna wait to do the steaks.”

Alex nods, moving over to the picnic table beside it, noticing he’d got plates and cutlery out. “Find everything we need?”

“What? Oh yeah. Hope you don’t mind me rooting through your cupboards?” He suddenly looks anxious, and Alex gives him a brief smile. 

“Course not.” She clears her throat. “Wine?”

“Yes, please.”

She pours out two glasses and hands one to him, careful not to let their fingers brush, and Matt sips at it, turning back to the smoking barbeque while she moves to one of the deckchairs just by it and sits down with her own glass. 

Matt seems to be determinedly ignoring the incident in the hallway (because dear lord, he must _know_ she’d felt it, it was digging right into her thigh!) and Alex certainly isn’t going to bring it up, so they don’t mention it, conversing stiffly for a while, while Matt cooks. 

Thankfully, the awkwardness only lasts about ten minutes. Alex drains three glasses of wine in that time and Matt finishes his second as she wanders back inside to get another bottle, and when she returns the steaks are sizzling on the barbeque and she hums in pleasure at the smell. 

“Good huh?” Matt grins at her as she sits back down. 

She nods. “Yummy. Smells divine. What have you seasoned them with?”

“Not telling,” he says smugly and she raises an eyebrow and laughs. 

“It’s a secret.” he winks. “You’ll love it though.”

“Oh, will I?”

“Yep.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll tell you my secret recipe. But you’re not allowed to say you don’t like it just so I’ll tell you! I’ll know by your face if you’re lying Kingston.” He grins at her and she laughs again. 

“Okay, deal.” She grins back and opens the bottle, holding it up. “More wine?”

And just like that, they are back on easy terms. 

A couple of hours drift away pleasantly in the peace of her garden. The steak _did_ turn out to be delicious, and Alex didn’t even try to deny it. She begged him for the recipe anyway but he just laughed and stuck his tongue out at her smugly until she gave up. 

The LA sun is still in the sky but its intense heat and light is easing off now to a pleasant warmth, and the evening birds are singing sweetly in the trees. They are nearing the end of the second bottle of wine now, both deliciously full and relaxed, reclining in the wooden deckchairs as the barbeque still crackles gently in the background Alex felt a little tipsy, but pleasantly so. The kind that gives you a lovely fluffy feeling in your head but leaves you with enough sense to still hold a decent conversation. 

She and Matt are currently discussing their past projects; Alex has told him stories of various pranks that were pulled on set when she was working on ER, and he is currently telling her a hilarious story about his time working on a film he’d been in last year, and Alex is giggling so hard she has tears running down her face. 

A peaceful quiet settles over them as their laughter naturally dies down and they sip from their glasses in companionable silence for a few moments. 

“Alex,” Matt says, suddenly very serious. 

Still smiling, she looks over at him. “Yeah?”

He swallows and looks at her honestly. “I’m sorry I stared at your boobs earlier.”

He looks _so bloody sincere_ and apologetic, and with the frank way he said it, Alex can’t help it, she bursts into laugher again, practically crying as she clutches his arm while she wipes at tears. 

“Oh - it’s alright!” She tells him when she has enough breath. “They were rather…in your face, dear,” she giggles and Matt blushes. 

“Also my fault - and I apologise for that too. But I know I um, sort of…stared for a bit and…well, yeah. I’m sorry.” He scratches the back of his neck self-consciously. “And sorry for… _you know.”_

She cocks her head at him, curious as he goes even redder. “What?”

“You know!” He fidgets. “Bloody hell Alex, don’t make me say it,” he mutters in embarrassment and her eyes widen as she realises what he’s trying to apologise for, and she feels her own cheeks go hot. 

God, this was so unlike her. She doesn’t get embarrassed or shy about things like this! She clears her throat and laughs brightly. 

“Oh - don’t be silly, I - it’s not… -it’s fine!” She throws a fake smile at him but Matt doesn’t return it, tugging at the neck of his shirt and frowning at his lap.

“It was just…you were - well we - I know I shouldn’t have looked and I didn’t mean to but I did and then I - well, it was _you,_ and, and you were…” He breaks off to give her a slightly panicked look and Alex’s brow furrows at his fluster. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well…” He fidgets. “I just mean…with _you_ like that, I couldn’t help…”

She sees him swallow and frowns deeper, sitting up a bit straighter in her chair. 

“Me?”

“Yes.” He gives a half laugh when he looks up at her confused face. “Come on Alex,” he mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. “If you don’t know I fancy the pants off you by now you’re either blind or daft.”

Alex’s jaw drops. “You - _what?”_

He clears his throat. “What? You’re gorgeous,” he gives a short nervous laugh. “Come on - everyone fancies you, don’t they?”

Alex shakes her head in disbelief. Was she hearing this right? Of course…she knew he found her attractive, he never stopped flattering her with compliments and often lewd comments on her appearance but…she’d always thought they were half joking. That it was just a bit like having a good friend you knew was pretty. Not that he actually _fancied_ her, per se. 

“Of course I fancy you,” Matt says, and she realises with a jolt that she’d been speaking her thoughts out loud. She’d really had too much wine. 

_“What?”_ She splutters, incredulous. “You…?“ She swallows, shaking her head in disbelief at him. “Matt,” she says, quieter. “I’m _twenty years_ older than you, how can you…?”

Matt barks out a laugh. “Alex that’s a stupid thing to say. “Your age doesn’t affect how bloody hot you are - if anything, it makes you even sexier, cause, you know, you’re all…” he gestures to her, a frown creasing his forehead. “… _woman.”_

She snorts. “You’re drunk.”

Matt rolls his eyes. “Maybe a _bit._ But you’re still hot.” He winks at her and she giggles, suddenly feeling decidedly more tipsy than she had just a moment ago - she thinks it is the delight of this new information making her light-headed. 

“Well…thank you sweetie,” she purrs, looking up at him from under her lashes. “You know I find you rather attractive yourself,” she confides, voice dropping. 

Matt’s eyes widen. “You do?”

She giggles again. “Oh come off it, you know you’re a handsome bastard, you have fan girls swooning at your feet darling.”

“Well,” Matt laughs, rubbing the back of his neck a bit self-consciously. “Yeah but - I didn’t think _you…”_ He looks up at catches her eyes and his laughter fades as they study each other quite carefully for a moment. 

Alex bites her lip and leans in a little. “Want to know a secret?” She says quietly, just above a whisper. She doesn’t know what she’s doing right now but she isn’t _thinking_ about anything. 

Eyes widening, Matt leans in too, nodding mutely. 

She swallows. “I was just as turned on in the hallway as you were,” she whispers. 

Matt’s jaw drops. “You - you _were?”_ he whispers back in disbelief, and Alex nods, shuffling that bit closer and placing a hand on his knee, lightly drawing circles over the fabric with her fingertips. 

“Alex -” He catches her hand after a moment, and turns it over to wrap it in his, running a thumb over her wrist. 

“Yeah?”

She is leaning in further, and so is he, and he is so close she can see the whisper of stubble on his face, feel his breath on her own - 

“I - I want…”

She cuts off his whisper with her lips, pressed just gently but purposefully to his, caressing them softly once, twice, before all of a sudden Matt jerks and presses back against her, opening her mouth with his own and kissing her harder. 

She slides off the chair to kneel before him in her effort to get closer and Matt joins her, kneeling too, so he can let go of her hand to slide his own into her hair and wraps the other a round her body to pull her tightly against him. She whimpers into his mouth as she feels his tongue against her lips and opens her mouth wider, granting him access which he takes immediately, pushing his tongue between her parted lips and seeking her own. 

As his tongue strokes along hers, Alex loses the last of her self-control, and gasping into his mouth, she fists two little hands in his hair, melting against him. With a hand pressed to her lower back, Matt hauls her as close as physically possible, groaning aloud into their furious kiss as his hands roam all over her, stroking over her back, down to skim over her bum, up her sides and into her hair. He grasps a breast through her dress and squeezes and she breaks from his mouth to gasp and moan and arch into his touch, head thrown back as he mouths at her neck. 

She bunches his shirt in her hands so she can slide them underneath and run them over the hot skin of his back and torso, scraping nails over his nipples and making him hiss. It is all hot and frantic, and they are both far less than sober and she doesn’t have time to _think_ but somewhere in the back of her mind she knows she doesn’t want to pause to think for fear of what those thoughts would be. All her torturous dreams are rolling into this delicious reality and she doesn’t want to think, she just wants to _do._ Him. Now. 

She thrusts her hips none too subtly into his and he grunts into her neck as her pelvis presses against his rock hard erection. He bites down on her collarbone as he skims a hand down her body and she gasps aloud at the sudden twinge of sharp pain, before he is soothing the spot with sensual licks and his hand has snaked around her hips and between her legs and fuck she doesn’t even _remember_ him biting her just moments before. 

Feeling her roughly through her dress, Matt wraps his other arm tightly round her back to keep her body pressed to his and Alex moans, digging nails hard into his skin as she grinds down against his hand, not caring how wanton she probably seems, just wanting, _needing…_

She spreads her knees and tries to push her hips into him but he is not _close enough,_ and she lets herself fall back onto the ground, fisting hands into his shirt and dragging him down on top of her. He tumbles down to the grass with her as she opens her legs so he can settle between them, scrambling to get her skirt up and out of the way while reaching for the fastenings of his trousers at the same time. 

They fumble in their frantic struggle to get closer, and as he stretches out on top of her his leg flails out and knocks the leg of the barbeque, and the whole lot suddenly goes crashing down. Alex lets out a shriek of surprise as they both jump and scramble upright at the sudden crash. 

“Shit - _Matt_ \- the bushes!” Alex panics as all the hot coals roll out still glowing red, sparks flying everywhere as they tumble into her shrubberies. 

“Oh crap!” Matt swears as he hauls the thing backwards by the leg but the coals have already set light to a piece of the undergrowth and a small flame is appearing. “Fuck - water - we need water!”

“I’ll the get the hose - don’t let it spread!” Alex exclaims as she tears away. 

“What am I meant to do!?” Matt yells after her, waving his hands and dancing from foot to foot in front of the rapidly growing flame. 

By the time Alex is back with the end of the hosepipe, her rhododendron is on fire and Matt is still flailing around and not doing a lot except panicking. She aims the hose at it and quickly extinguishes the flame, but the poor plant is now just a scorched bunch of twigs. 

Turning off the hosepipe, she lets it drop to the ground and her and Matt both look at each other. 

Matt swallows. “Sorry…”

She bites her lip, shaking her head as she looks at the remains of the rhododendron bush. “It was an accident,” she says quietly. 

Matt scratches the back of his neck. “I’ll get you a new one…”

A smile twitches at the corner of her lips. “You can’t buy them like that, I grew it. Doesn’t matter, I’ve got a whole garden of plants. It was only a rhododendron.”

“Oh.” Is all Matt says. 

Still biting her lip, she looks over at him and it is then that she notices how dishevelled he looks and quickly realises she probably doesn’t look much better herself. The recent panic seems to have totally broken whatever spell that had been between them, and brought them crashing back to reality, leaving them regarding each other with wide, confused eyes. “Um,” she lets out a nervous chuckle, looking down and hastily re-buttoning her dress, tugging it down self consciously and running a hand through her mussed up curls while Matt too awkwardly adjusts himself. 

“Alex,” Matt begins, gesturing nervously between them. “This -”

“It’s okay,” she interrupts quickly. “I, uh…” She clears her throat and lets out a breathless laugh. “I think we’ve had too much to drink,” she says, her voice unnaturally high pitched, and Matt hesitantly nods. 

“Yes, definitely, I….er - sorry. About -”

She quickly shakes her head. “No, it’s…it was nothing. I just…it’s been a long day. I think we both just need to go to bed.” Her face goes scarlet as Matt’s eyes widen. “To sleep! I meant to sleep!” She lets out another one of those short laughs, still red faced and fiddling with her dress. “To bed, to sleep, because you know…that would be a bad idea.” She swallows. “Not sleeping I mean.” She bites her lip, eyes nervously finding his. “Right?”

He clears his throat and nods shortly, frowning seriously “Yeah, of course.”

She nods quickly. “Okay, good. Well…night Matt.” 

Unable to stand there for a moment longer she turns and hurries back into the house, literally running away from him and what she’d just been so close to doing.


	7. Chapter 7

River has her hands on the Doctor’s chest, pushing at him in vain as he peppers fervent kisses down her neck. He backs her up until her back connects with something solid and she is trapped. She doesn’t know where they are; it is just dark around them, but light enough here that she can see him clearly - look into his face and see his eyes darkened with lust as he pulls back to regard her. 

“I want to kiss you,” he murmurs lowly to her, leaning in as his hands clutch at her shoulders. 

“No,” she turns her head away and he gets her cheek instead and kisses her there, moving his mouth over her face until he nips at her earlobe and she gasps. He rocks his body into hers and she feels him, hot and hard against her stomach. He pushes a knee between her legs and bends down a bit, rolling his hips into her again so he is pressing right into her centre. She hitches out another gasp and clutches at his jacket but - no, no no - the next minute she is pushing him away, squirming in his gasp as she tries to twist away from him.

The Doctor only presses harder against her. “River.”

She shoves at him as he murmurs her name in her hair and he grabs her wrists, pressing them to the wall beside her.

“Why are you fighting me River?”

She doesn’t know why she is fighting him; she _does_ want him, the burning ache between her legs is proof enough of that - but she can’t seem to stop herself from struggling. She shakes her head, and tries to get her hands free to push at him again but he has them pinned firmly to the wall, and he rolls his hips into hers again, rubbing his erection over her core through their clothes and making her hitch out a choked whimper. 

_Can’t…can’t!_ She thinks desperately as she lets him kiss her, but she wants him to kiss her, and she doesn’t want him to stop and why is she trying to push him away?

Still with a tight hold on her wrists, he pulls her away from the wall and tosses her down, her back colliding with the soft surface of the bed that’s now beneath her. Pinning her down with his body, he raises her hands above her head as she turns her face to avoid his kiss once more. He bites her neck in retaliation and she lets out a muffled yelp, her body jerking against his as the sudden shock of pain sends pleasure shooting to her core. 

She tries to get her legs free to kick him off, but he moves a knee between them and pushes up against her, making them both groan at the contact. “Why are you fighting me?” He repeats against her neck and she shakes her head, because she doesn’t know the answer. 

“Can’t,” she utters, panting breathlessly as his hands run down her arms and over her body, skimming over her dress until it melts away at her sides and she lies naked beneath him, her bare torso pressed to his own, the tweed and bowtie ensemble suddenly gone. He spreads her legs with his knee as he looks deeply into her eyes, and she shakes her head and tries to move her hands down to push him away but finds them stuck, gasping at the feel of metal biting into her wrists. 

She twists her neck to see the cuffs chaining her hands to the bed and her wide eyes fly back to his as she struggles against them, yanking and tugging at the unforgiving restraints. 

“Shh,” he hushes her, mouth finding hers and kissing her slowly, deliciously until her struggles die down. An ache builds more in her lower stomach and she whimpers, feeling empty, _needing_ …

“Doctor…” She gasps. 

“Don’t fight it baby,” he whispers in her ear. “You know I want it as much as you do.”

\--

Alex gasps as she jolts awake, her heart hammering and his words ringing in her ears. 

That had been…different. But the familiar wet burn she’d become accustomed to waking with between her legs is as present as ever. She is not silly; she knows why she’d dreamt like that. But what she doesn’t know is if her dream Doctor had spoken the truth, or if that was just what her subconscious was desperate enough for her to dream up. 

Why _was_ she fighting it?

She’d lain awake for hours after fleeing from the garden earlier and into bed to hide under her covers, squeezing her eyes shut as she heard Matt pad up the stairs and into his room shortly after. She was more than tipsy, she was sure, and that’s why she had to use all her self- restraint to remain in her bed and not hurry down the hall and bang on his door. Matt, like her, was drunk, and that had been the only reason he’d kissed her like that in the garden, she tells herself over and over. And thank God he’d knocked the barbeque over, or a lot more than kissing would have ended up happening and their relationship would be ruined forever. 

That was the rational part of her mind’s words. The other part, the part that remembered the feel of him pressed against her, and his mouth and hands on her and how bloody amazing it had all felt, was screaming in protest. _He wants you as much as you want him Alex, what the hell are you doing in your own bed, you could put an end to all this torture!_

Unfortunately for her body, the rational half had always been the stronger one, and she lay in her own bed, fists clenched and forehead creased into a frown as she tried to force herself to fall asleep. 

Now, some few hours later after finally succeeding in finding asleep but waking again from the dream, Alex is back to square one, lying alone in her bed with her heart beating fast and whole body aching and quivering and trying to remember why she’d ever listened to the stupid rational part of her brain. 

She tries slipping a hand down between her legs but she doesn’t _want that_ , and it only makes her more frustrated, a frown indented in her forehead as she rubs furiously to no avail. Choking out a sob, she pulls her hand out of her shorts, sitting upright and panting in the dark of her room. 

She doesn’t care. She doesn’t even _care_ as she get out of bed on shaky legs, wiping her hand clean on the sheets before smoothing down her wild curls. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing as she pads over to the door and makes her way purposefully down the hall. 

She stops outside the guest bedroom, biting her lip, and ignoring how much her hand shakes as she lifts it, she knocks softly but firmly on his door twice. 

“Alex?” She hears from the other side, his voice hushed and surprised. The response is so immediate she knows he must have been awake. 

“Yeah,” she calls back softly through the wood, and hears the bed creak and his footsteps as he crosses the room. He swings open the door and they look at each other carefully in the dark. 

She swallows and hugs her arms round herself. “Can’t you sleep?” She asks stupidly, even though it’s her knocking on his door. 

He shakes his head, running a hand through his mussed up hair. “Not really. You neither?”

She looks down, shaking her head too. “I did a bit but…” She raises her eyes to his and they share a lingering look. She watches him carefully, his dream self’s voice ringing in her head, “ _I want it as much as you do,”_ as she tries to figure out if it’s really true. His lips part and eyes flicker down to her mouth and - it’s enough. 

Stepping forward and grabbing the back of his neck, Alex lifts her mouth to his, standing on tiptoes as she presses her lips firmly to his own and kisses him hard. He takes only a split second to respond before seizing her about the waist and snogging her like there’s no tomorrow. 

She pushes him backwards, stepping into his room and kicking her foot out behind her to slam the door. Matt presses her against it, trapping her with arms on either side of her head as he kisses her back with deep intensity, groaning into her mouth. Alex gives her own muffled noise of pleasure as she clings to his strong back while he rolls his hips into hers and just - she wants - she wants everything, right now.

She wraps a leg around his and presses her hips as closely to him as she can, all but grinding herself against his thigh and he groans again, loud and hoarse, and breaks from her mouth to gasp in air.

"Fucking hell, Matt," Alex pants, voice trembling. "If you don't want this to end up in that bed you better stop me right now because I swear -"

He cuts her off by kissing her hungrily again, just quickly, before pulling back enough to mutter with a breathless laugh; "I think it's pretty obvious I want nothing more right now." He pushes his hips into her to punctuate his point, grinding his erection against her and making them both gasp and cling to each other. 

She throws her head back, ignoring the dull thud of it hitting the door and hitches her leg higher round his hips to rub herself against him in desperate attempt to seek some sort of relief as his mouth moves to her neck.

"Unghh fuck," he groans after a moment, "stop doing that..."

His voice sounds strangled and in pain and she giggles breathlessly, elated that she has the power to do that to him, and she rocks her hips cruelly into him once, twice more to hear him gasp. 

Having mercy, Alex drops her leg and pushes him back from her just enough so she can shove her pyjama bottoms down, kicking them straight off and peeling her vest top over her head. She leans back against the door to support her shaky legs, naked and panting as she arches an eyebrow at him. 

With a growl in the back of his throat that sends a thrill shooting straight to her core, Matt's body slams back into her own, one hand flying to her hip to pin her to the door while other seizes a breast none too gently and squeezes as she gasps and bucks her hips. 

With frantic hands, Alex yanks at his t-shirt, whinging until he moves back enough for her to whip it up and off. She moans as his skin presses against hers and, his hand still pressed between them, he pinches a nipple between his thumb and forefinger and she moans even louder in appreciation. Her mouth by his ear, she slides a hand down between them to grab his throbbing erection through his boxer shorts and rub her palm over him. He lets out a strangled noise as she hums in delight. 

“Alex,” he gasps out suddenly. “Wait, wait - Alex,” he tries to push her away a bit and she pauses to look up at him. 

“What?” She asks, voice hoarse. 

“Shit - I…I don’t have anything with me….”

Not understanding (or really caring) in her lust-hazed mind, she absently mumbles a “what?” as she presses her palm against him harder, making him hiss as she smirks and leans in to mouth at his neck.

“Unghh, I - a - protection. I don’t have any.”

“Oh,” she mumbles nonchalantly against his skin. “Can’t get pregnant.”

“Okay,” she hears him grunt a little as he bucks forward into her hand. “But what about -”

“Don’t care,” she mumbles, and then pauses, lifting her head to look him in the eye. “You’re good right?”

“What - yeah, yes! I’m fine!”

She grins. “Good,” she mutters, going for his neck again. “Me too.”

“Ughh Alex,” he moans as she slides her hand inside his boxers to tease him. His hands are still on her waist for a moment, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he leans into her caresses until all of a sudden he leaps into action, sliding his hands down to squeeze two handfuls of her arse and haul her hips into him, squashing her hand between them as he leans in and kisses her furiously. 

She responds ardently, wriggling her hand out from between them to clutch at his arms for balance as he manoeuvres them from the door and pushes her backwards across the room, presumably aiming for the bed but stopping when her bare back hits the wall next to it with a soft thud. Panting hard, Alex shoves down his boxers so they pool round his ankles and grabs his hand, pushing it between her legs and moaning when he presses fingers against her aching heat. She is so ready for him, hitching a leg up over his narrow hips as he slides two fingers within her, her arousal dripping down over his hand. She rocks towards him desperately, standing on her tiptoe and trying to get her hips closer to his as she wraps a hand round the base of his engorged length. 

Taking the hint, Matt moves his hands under her thighs and lifts her other leg, hitching her up onto his hips, her back braced against the wall as she guides him into her. They both let out low groans as he fills her, and he shifts against her, getting a better hold on her before beginning to move. 

Alex clutches at his shoulders desperately, locking her legs round his waist as she pushes her hips to his. She is sliding down the wall, and Matt’s sweating palms are finding it hard to keep a grip on her and she clutches tighter to him, cursing into his ear as she tries desperately not to lose this amazing rhythm as he drives just right inside her. 

She squeaks in surprise when he abruptly pulls out and throws her onto the bed, giggling and filled with adrenalin as he grins and clambers up after her and slides straight back inside her, not even pausing before resuming their frantic rhythm.

"Oh God Matt!" Alex cries out as her head tilts back in pleasure, lifting her legs to wrap them tightly round him as he pounds into her.

"Alex," he grunts into her neck, "fucking hell..."

She fists a hand in his hair, clutching tightly as he moves against her, nails of her other hand digging hard into his sweat-slicked back. 

She keens and gasps, moaning words and half-coherent sentences of encouragement she twists beneath him and tosses her head back and forth on the bed. She has dreamed of nothing else but having this man inside her for the past two months and now that it is actually happening the pleasure is almost too much to take, and she is already hurtling towards an orgasm. 

Matt lifts her leg to hook it over his shoulder and alters the angle of his thrusts, driving deeper, and harder as Alex throws back her head and lets out a shriek of delight as both her swollen clit and that spot deep inside are stimulated at once. 

“Oh!” She cries out as her body tightens. “Yes - there - _harder!”_

Matt thrusts into her harder and deeper, grinding against her clit with such a force that she shatters instantly, arching up off the bed and clinging to him for all she’s worth as each thrusts sends powerful shocks of pleasure through her body and she cries out over and over. When she comes down from her high Matt has eased off, rocking gently into her and she can see how it’s paining him to do it, his eyes squeezed shut and forehead creased in a deep frown while his hand clenches tight in her hair, the other braced on the bed beside her. 

“Come on,” she pants, pushing her hips up to his. “It’s okay darling…let go…let go…”

Matt’s eyes snap open and find hers and he pauses as he looks deeply into them and Alex grins, her face flushed from pleasure and whispers, “Fuck me.”

His eyes darken and he immediately grins back before swooping down to cover her mouth with his own and then he is driving into her with even more force than before, making her cry out into his mouth and drop her leg from his shoulder to lock both tightly round his waist. Her heels dig into his arse as he pounds into her, encouraging him deeper, deeper, and she bites down on his lower lip before releasing it to gasp in a mouthful of air. 

Matt drags a hand through her hair, tilting her head back to give him access to her neck which he mouths at, licking and sucking the tender skin while his hips snap back and forth into her. He palms a breast in his hand, squeezing the soft flesh as he bites down on the nape of her neck and it is enough to send Alex over the edge again, twisting beneath him as the edges of her vision go back and her eyes slide shut as they roll back in her head. 

She feels Matt’s hips jerk into her and vaguely registers his own cries of pleasure muffled against her skin as he comes inside her, her walls clenching around him and thighs trembling until they both collapse down to the bed, completely spent. 

They pant for a moment before Matt lifts his head from the crook of her neck and kisses her gently while he slides out of her. Alex hums in delight and kisses him back until he pulls away and gets off the bed, tugging her up from where they’d been sprawled out on it sideways before throwing back the covers and nudging her beneath them. He slips in beside her and Alex curls into his arms, letting out a contented little sigh as she lets her eyes slip closed. 

They don’t say a word to each other, both too exhausted and pleasantly satisfied, but just before she drifts off to sleep, Alex knows this can’t have been a bad thing, and with a small smile on her lips, falls into the most restful sleep she’d had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hopefully nobody will be cross with me this time :) And I jsut have to thank you all for your lovely comments so far because EEK I love them all very muchhh and it makes me happy :D *snuggles comments*


	8. Chapter 8

Waking slowly, Alex hums and stretches, feeling so wonderfully comfortable, relaxed and satisfied, and it only takes her a moment to remember why that is. 

A smile curves at the corner of her lips as steamy memories of the night flood back to her and she rolls over in the bed, seeking the warmth of the body she’d fallen asleep next to. When she gropes at empty sheets she sleepily blinks her eyes open, frowning to find she is alone. 

Alex sighs and flops back down, closing her eyes again and vaguely wondering if he’d gone to get her coffee and hoping he had, and thinking about how she should probably nip to the loo and brush her teeth before he got back before suddenly gasping and sitting bolt upright in bed, eyes flying open again as she registered what she’d just seen. 

This was her room. It wasn’t the guest room. 

She distinctly remembers going to Matt’s door and knocking on it, having sex on his bed and falling asleep curled up there next to him. That wasn’t where she was now. Instead, she was in her own room, in her own bed, alone.

_Oh God…_

A dream. It had been a _dream._

Alex turns her head and muffles a shout of frustration and despair into her pillow. 

But it had all be _so real!_ How had it been a fucking _dream!?_

She buries her face further into the pillow as tears sting in her eyes and she squeezes them shut, letting the slip out and onto the soft material, making a wet patch spread where her face was pressed. 

“No,” she whimpers desperately, choking out a sob and fisting hands in her sheets. Oh God how could it not have been real? She had been _so sure…_

She gasps as her door creaks open and lifts her head, eyes wide and probably rimmed red, her wet face an utter mess as she stares in dismay at the figure standing in her doorway with a smile. 

“Matt?” She croaks out. 

His face falls as soon as he takes in her obviously distressed state and his eyes widen. “What’s wrong?” 

Alex shakes her head, fresh tears welling in her eyes, about to bury her face again and hide from the shame of him catching her looking an utter wreck when she takes in his appearance; boxer shorts and t-shirt, bare feet. Hair a mess and a steaming mug in each hand. 

“Wh - what are you doing here?” She asks dumbly, confused. 

Matt looks just as confused as her, watching her worriedly. “Um - brining you coffee?” He says nervously.

She blink, sniffing hard. “Why?”

Matt looks even more confused and falters before starting to babble. “I - well - I did bring you one earlier but you were still asleep, and I tried to get back in next to you but I um, spilt my own all over the bed, and it was spreading everywhere and you didn’t wake up - dunno how actually I did swear pretty loudly - so I uh, well I thought I better move you so I put you back in here.” He fidgets. “Sorry. So…here‘s coffee number two.” He offers her a nervous smile. 

Alex’s mouth is open but she is flooded with relief, so much so that she lets out a breathless laugh, clapping a hand over her mouth. 

“Oh my God,” she shakes her head, looking down smiling. “I thought…”

Matt still looks upset by her previous state of distress and his eyes widen as he hurries over to her bed. “Alex - God - did you think I’d _gone?_ Because you should know that I would _never_ \- Alex, we -”

“No, no, no!” She assures him quickly, choking out a laugh. She glances up at him, a little embarrassed as he stares down at her in confusion. “I thought I’d dreamt it…last night I mean.”

Matt’s eyes widen in understanding and then he laughs. 

Putting the two coffees down on the bedside table, he clambers in next to her. “Well I’m _flattered_ that you saw that as reason for tears, Kingston,” he teases her, tugging on a curl as she swats at him, face red. 

“Stop it, you. Smug git.”

“Yeah,” he grins. “I am.” He leans over to drop a quick kiss to her lips before wiping his thumb over her cheek, brushing away the tears that had slipped down there as he coos “Aww,” at her patronisingly. 

_“Stop it,”_ she giggles, pushing him away in embarrassment, wiping at her own eyes and sniffing as she pats at her hair. “God, I must look a wreck.”

He laughs, leaning over her to pick up the coffees, handing her one. “A beautiful wreck,” he teases as he does so and she laughs and shakes her head at him, swatting his arm. 

Leaning back against the headboard, ensconced in pillows and sheets, they sip their coffees in silence for a few minutes. Alex sighs as the warm beverage slides down her throat, warming her insides and filling her taste buds with that deliciously familiar flavour she so craves upon waking. 

“So…” Matt begins after a moment and she feels nerves flutter in her stomach. That sounded like a rather ominous ‘so,’ and she’s really hoping it’s not already time to discuss what they’d done because she was quite enjoying blissfully pretending that lying naked in bed next to him drinking coffee in the morning was a normal occurrence. 

She looks over and catches his eyes and he offers her a crooked smile. 

But instead of brining up an awkward question, instead he simply says in a teasing tone; “You seriously thought you’d dreamt last night?”

Alex grins, feeling her face flush again as she elbows him. “ _Yes,_ alright. Stop it.”

He grins back, waggling his eyebrows at her. “That good, huh?”

“Shut up!” She laughs. “It’s early and I’d just woke up in a different bed to the one I remembered falling asleep in, what was I supposed to think?”

He sniggers next to her. “Actually Kingston, it’s midday.”

She blinks. “Is it?”

“Yep. Just gone. Were you tired?” He smirks and she elbows him again. 

“If you hadn’t brought me coffee I’d have kicked you out for all your cheek already.”

He laughs. 

“I’m not being cheeky, you just have to forgive me if I feel a bit smug about having obviously satisfied you so well,” he grins cheekily. 

“Oh - _stop it_ \- who said I was satisfied?” She quirks a teasing eyebrow at him but he just laughs. 

“You face did, when you cried because you thought you’d dreamt it. _And_ the fact that you thought it was so good it had to be a dream in the first place.”

She groans, burying her face in her hand while he continues to guffaw next to her. “You’re such an arsehole,” she mumbles into her hand. 

“I do try,” he smirks.

“And anyway,” she continues defensively, dropping her hand to look at him. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’d had a dream like that so it was just the first thing I assumed.”

 _Shit_. 

Matt’s eyebrows shoot up. “What?”

“What?” She gives a nervous laugh, feeling herself go red. “I mean a sex dream. Everyone gets them don’t they?”

But Matt has seen through her fluster and a slow grin is creeping onto his face. “And would yours have been specific at all, Kingston?”

“What!? No!” She claims, her voice high. “No - of course not!”

He inches closer to her, a teasing grin that said he could see right through her still on his face. “Are you _sure_ about that?”

“Of course I’m sure!”

He just looks at her, eyebrows raised, smirk on his face and Alex buries her face back in her hand. 

“Oh God - alright - don’t you laugh at me!” She peeks out between her fingers as Matt looks triumphant and delighted at once. 

“I won’t laugh!” He laughs gleefully and she drops her hand to glare at him, shutting him up. “Sorry - I’m not laughing!” He raises his hands, smirking and poking her in the ribs as he sidles even closer. “Come on Kingston, tell me about your dirty dreams.”

The way he says it, his voice close to her ear and lowered sends a shiver through her and she bites her lip, glancing up at him. 

“You’ll _laugh.”_

Matt’s eyebrows shoot up, seeing she is not joking he looks even more curious now. "I won't," he swears with a straight face. "Promise."

Alex sighs heavily, shifting against the pillows. "Well, I started having these dreams...after we filmed the night and the doctor episodes..."

A slow grin crosses his face. "Naughty dreams?"

She rolls her eyes but can't help but giggle at his delighted expression. "I think we‘ve already covered that darling, yes...very naughty." She bites her lip. "It's all Steven’s fault really, making those allusions to...to..."

"To what?" He prompts. 

Alex squirms. "River and...two Doctors."

Matt’s eyes go comically wide. " _That's_ what you dreamt about!?" He exclaims in a slightly high pitched voice. 

She squirms again, embarrassed and wondering why the hell she’d just admitted that to him. "I can't help my dreams," she defends herself quickly.

"Well yes," Matt agrees with a teasing grin, "But dreams have to come from somewhere."

"They did!" she exclaims with a red face. "They came from those damn scripts!”

He laughs teasingly. “No, no, I’m flattered,” he says and takes a sip of his coffee, grinning stupidly before glancing over at her.

“So, tell me about them…” He says, voice suggestively lowered. 

She huffs. “Well they’re pretty much all different. And it’s…I’m River and you’re…the Doctor. - And it’s not always with two of you - _him - I mean, they started like that but sometimes they’re just, you know, them.” She carefully leaves out the fact that there were also the times when they weren’t even River and the Doctor at all. Because that would be a not good thing to admit. _Definitely__ not good. It implied all sorts of things that definitely weren’t true and there was no point in complicating things between them any more than they already now were. “Ugh. I totally blame Steven for all of this.”

Matt snorts. “Well I’d like to thank him in that case. Remind me to buy him a very large bottle of whisky next time I see him.”

She giggles, nudging him with her elbow. 

They fall quiet for a moment, both sipping at their coffees until Matt speaks up, looking over at her to shoot her a devilish grin. 

“So that's why you called me sweetie when you came."

Alex’s eyes go wide and her face flushes. "No I didn't!" she claims, and Matt laughs.

"Yeah, you did. I'm also fairly sure there was a 'Doctor' in there somewhere…”

"Oh my God I did not!" She gasps. "Stop it!" she laughs as she smacks his shoulder, her face red. 

Matt laughs loudly as she huffs next to him. 

He drains his coffee and leans over to put his mug down before scooting back over in the bed to wrap his arm round Alex’s shoulders and slide the other arm round her waist beneath the covers, fingers lightly tickling over her stomach. 

She squirms away, giggling. “Stop it - I’ll spill my coffee.”

Matt takes the mug from her hands and leans over her to plonk it down next to his on the bedside table. 

“Hey - I was drinking that!” She protests half-heartedly but Matt has rolled to brace himself over her, one hand either side of her head and body pressed into hers and she sinks back into the pillows beneath them.

He leans in to murmur in a low voice, “I have a better way of waking you up than coffee…” He kisses her and Alex gasps softly into his mouth as he grinds his hips into hers, letting her feel a certain very - _awake_ \- part of his body. 

This probably isn’t a good idea, Alex thinks as she kisses him back - she’d only intended it to be _once_ but…what harm would once more this morning do? They were already in bed together. 

And so she hums pleasantly, sliding hands up to his shoulders as he moves his mouth from hers to press soft kisses over her cheek. His mouth reaches her ear and he pauses, moving back a little to grin down at her, a glint in his eye and his voice low as he asks; “Want me to call you River?"

Alex laughs, although she can't deny the thrill the idea sends shooting through her body. "Don't be silly."

"I'm not," he says firmly, leaning down to kiss the corner of her mouth, slipping his tongue out to lick at her lips quickly. "It's not silly. If it's your fantasy...it's hot."

She swats at him although lust is quickly pooling her belly. "Maaatt," she protests, chuckling a little. 

He makes a sound of disapproval, nipping at the skin of her neck. "River," he insists.

Alex swallows as she lets him pepper hot kisses over her collarbone. It was hot; of course it was, considering what she’d been dreaming about for the last two months. And maybe…maybe this is what she needs to properly get these ridiculous fantasies of hers out of her system. If she fulfils it, there'll be nothing left to dream about will there? 

It is a weak excuse and she knows it but she can’t bring herself to care as she melts under him as he continues to kiss her neck, leaning his weight on her to let his hands roam over her body. She yanks at his shirt and he obliges, pulling back and tugging it off before leaning back down over her, pausing to look intently into her eyes. 

“Come on,” he utters, voice low and rough, just above a whisper. “We can do this. We’re the same, you and I, we forget we’re not them in front of the cameras,” he murmurs and she bites her lip because he’s right - she _does,_ she’s always acted like that, almost believing she’s the person she’s playing when she gets in full swing. “It can be the same now, let’s just…be them, yeah?” He leans down to press a kiss to the underside of her jaw. “Forget about ourselves for now. Just…let go.”

 _Oh_ …his words are seduction on their own. She wants to - she wants this with him, she wants to live out her sordid fantasy and she wants to let go. More than anything. 

So she does. 

“ _Doctor,_ ” she breathes out clearly, and feels Matt’s grin against her neck, feels his teeth nip her skin there lightly before he pulls back to look down at her with clouded eyes. 

“My River,” he murmurs, making her beam at him before he leans in and captures her mouth in a passionate kiss. 

This was silly, and _bad,_ and she was getting herself into trouble because it should have only been once (it should have only been never but clearly that had no longer been an option) and now they were doing _this_ and how the hell was she going to go back to Cardiff in four months time and act with Matt after they’d taken their characters _here?_ How was she going to play River again after forever knowing what she’d done with her?

That was what the rational side of her brain was saying. But this time, it was nothing but a small voice in the corner of her mind, quickly shoved aside and buried under all the thrill and lust and excitement that Matt - _the Doctor_ \- was setting her alight with.


	9. Chapter 9

Alex lies beneath him, smiling softly as Matt kisses his way down her neck, muttering soft ‘River’s against her skin over and over. She loves how the name sounds on his lips - she always has done. There is something undeniably sexy about the way his mouth caresses the word, rough and quick, spoken breathily in a low tone. 

She hums in approval as his mouth reaches her chest. 

“Tell me what you dreamt,” he murmurs against her breast before taking a nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. 

Alex moans, arching up towards him as she bites her lip. “I told you sweetie,” she breathes. 

He scrapes his teeth lightly over the hardened nub. “Tell me…in detail…”

“Oh darling,” she laughs breathlessly. “There’s been so many…”

“Tell me one.” He drops a kiss to the tip before resting his chin under her breast and pouting up at her. “Please?”

She laughs down at him and he pouts some more and nips at the skin of her breast. “Please River,” he begs against it and she bites her lip.

“Well sweetie…there was one where you both had me like this,” she confides in a low voice as she smiles down at him, her eyes shining as she recalls the dream. “Pinned down on the bed…one of you here,” she threads a hand through his hair, dragging fingers over his scalp in appreciation as he continues to mouth at her sensitive breast, smiling against her skin as he listens. She takes his hand in her own and guides it down her body, spreading her legs to push it between them. “And the other here…”

Matt moans against her skin as his fingers slip through her wet heat, exploring between her slick folds, drawing a sigh from her as she lets her legs fall open more. 

“My hand?” He asks hoarsely as he watches her carefully and she shakes her head once. 

“Your mouth… in both places.”

He hums in approval into her skin and then kisses down, over her breast to her stomach, fingers gently teasing her open as his mouth moves down her body leaving a wet trail of kisses across her skin, taking the duvet with him, her nipples pebbling as they are exposed to the cool air of the room. 

She gasps as he reaches her hip and licks there before scraping his teeth down, his mouth moving closer and closer to -

Alex grabs at him. “Matt - you don’t have to darling, I didn’t mean -”

But he shakes his head quickly, biting her in the crease of her thigh gently in retaliation. “Not Matt. Let go, remember?”

Letting out a shaky breath, Alex nods, letting her head drop back to the pillow and her eyes slide shut. Matt moves between her legs, sliding his hands to her inner thighs to push them further open, spreading her wide for him as she obliges easily, sinking down further into the pillows towards him. 

He licks slowly up the length of her sex first, and Alex’s lips part in a gasp as she tilts her head back. He maps her out with his tongue, dipping it into the slick folds, circling her entrance and running it over her clit. It is enough to set her on fire but not enough to bring her any sort of relief yet and she whimpers, pushing her hips towards his face. 

She puts herself in the mindset of River, remembering vividly all those dreams and pretending she is there _now_ \- perhaps on the Tardis somewhere, with her dear, sweet Doctor down between her legs. “Ohh sweetie,” she sighs out as he sucks gently on her clit, and she feels his smile against her. He pauses to press a kiss to her quivering heat before lifting his mouth away just enough to speak up to her. 

“I’m afraid there’s only one of me this time my dear,” he kisses her again. “So you’ll have to help me out with the other half of your dream…”

She opens her eyes to grin down at him, watching as he licks her again, slowly and teasingly while his eyes hold her own. She lifts a hand from the sheets and brings it to her chest, cupping a breast and gently squeezing as she looks down at him innocently. “Oh you mean like this?”

She feels his growl against her more than she hears it. “ _Yes.”_

She grins and squeezes again, arching up into her own hand as she pinches a nipple between her thumb and forefinger. He drives his tongue harder against her in response and she moans, pinching again before lifting her hand to her mouth and sucking her thumb and finger briefly, releasing them with a ‘pop’ to slide them down and circle her nipple once more. 

Matt makes a noise against her that sounds like a curse, and breathes in heavily through his nose as he presses his face harder against her, opening his mouth over her to kiss her deeply there. 

Alex thinks of her dream, recalling the incredible sensations of having one Doctor between her legs like this and one with his mouth on her breast. She fists her free hand in the sheet and moans as she arches into the touch of her own hand and Matt’s mouth. 

“Doctor,” she pants. “Oh, don’t stop…”

Hands tightening on her thighs, he drives his tongue inside her, curling it upwards and licking at her inner walls, making her quiver above him. He slides it out to lap up between her swollen folds to her clit and circle it, scraping his teeth against her lightly before sucking it into his mouth. 

Alex swears, arching right off the bed as she squeezes her breast desperately, feeling her whole body tremble. 

“Fuck - _please -”_ she begs, the hand that’s not on her breast flying to his head to grip a handful of hair in a desperate attempt to drag him closer as she grinds down against his mouth. 

“Shh,” he hushes against her, making her quiver again. “Just relax.” Cruelly, his mouth leaves her burning heat to lick a little way down her inner thigh, nipping the tender skin there as she chokes out a sob. He slides a hand up over her stomach, hard with her muscles clenched tight, and cups her other breast as he sucks on her inner thigh. 

“River Song,” he murmurs as if in wonder against her skin. “You are magnificent.”

Despite the way he was driving her half mad she has to smile at that, the use of the name sending little thrills shooting through her. “And you, Doctor, are a damn tease, will you just -”

He chuckles as he soothes her by gently squeezing her breast, rubbing his thumb over it in circles as he - _finally_ \- licks back up until she can feel his hot breath on her aching sex. She whimpers, thrusting towards him, and she glances down just in time to see him lick his lips before he surges forward and suddenly all she is aware of is his _mouth_ , all lips and tongue and teeth, inside her, over her…he slides a hand up and pushes two fingers into her while he sucks hard on her clit and she is tipped over the edge in seconds. 

Alex comes hard, clenching wildly around his fingers as she flies up off the bed with a shout, her whole body trembling. She flops back down as the last few tremors of her orgasm roll through her while he caresses her inner walls gently, easing her down until she nudges him away, exhausted. 

He kisses up her body, drawing quivers from her over-sensitised skin, all the way up until he reaches her smiling mouth, settling between her legs where she can feel his erection resting against her core through his pants. She bucks her hips into him as he kisses her, laughing into his mouth when he gasps into her own.

Deciding it wasn’t fair for her to be naked while he was still rather clothed, she drags his t-shirt up and off without breaking the kiss, sliding her hands down his back to slip them beneath the waistband of his shorts and squeeze the soft flesh of his arse, thrusting up against him again. They both moan this time, breaking from each other’s mouth to gasp in air. She has scarcely recovered from her orgasm and she can already feel another one brewing inside her belly, her aching core begging to be filled. 

“Want you,” Matt mutters against her mouth, his forehead creased in a frown. 

She grins, squeezing again. “I’m all yours sweetie.”

Matt pulls back to look down at her at that, his face breaking into a huge grin. “Yes you are,” he says in delight before leaning down to kiss her. She moans delightedly into his mouth, and part of her wants to just melt beneath him like this and let him take her how he wants - but her body is still on fire from her recent climax, and all those dreams are whizzing round her mind, mixing with what’s happening _now_ and before she knows it, River is taking over, shoving Matt - _the Doctor_ onto his back and straddling him with a wicked grin. 

“My turn,” she growls, before leaning down and biting none too gently on the side of his neck as she slides an eager hand between them and into his shorts. She hears him moan beneath her and arch up into her touch and she smiles, slipping her tongue out to lick at the spot she’d just bitten while she runs her palm down and up over the length of him. 

He slides a hand between them to cup her wet sex, pushing up into her folds, but she slips her hand out of his pants to grab his wrist and pull it away. 

“No, no, you’ve had your go…you just lie there like a good boy and let me do the work now okay?” She says with a teasing smirk as she sits up, hovering over him on her knees to pull his shorts down over his hips. 

He frowns at her, even as he lifts his hips to oblige. “I’m not a _boy.”_

“Oh honey,” she laughs, taking him in her hand, “Yes you are.”

She lets his hands grip at her thighs as she works him, resisting the urge to grind down against him, wanting to tease him like he’d done to her first. She traces her fingertips lightly over his length several times before wrapping her hand around him loosely and flicking her thumb over the tip. 

Matt curses quietly and bucks up, his hands sliding up her body quickly to cup handfuls of her breasts. She uses her free hand to bat him away, squeezing him in retaliation.

“Careful sweetie,” she grins down at him dangerously. “Want me to tie you down?”

His eyes widen momentarily but he recovers quickly, smirking up at her and arching an eyebrow. “With what?” He taunts. 

Alex leans down, her voice low in his ear. “The pair of handcuffs under the bed.”

She feels Matt freeze and she giggles naughtily as she nips at his neck. Of course - she doesn’t have a pair of handcuffs under her bed but she is certain River most definitely would. And he didn’t need to know she was bluffing. 

“I’ll behave,” he rasps out and she grins. 

“That’s what I like to hear.”

She teases him slowly, just using light, gentle touches and the occasional squeeze to keep him bucking up towards her and cursing her quietly ever so often. She kisses down his chest and shuffles backwards, clear destination in mind but he grabs her suddenly, looking down at her pleadingly. 

“River,” he says hoarsely. “Please…I want to be inside you…”

She bites her lip as her body sings in approval. She’d wanted to drive him as mad as he had her but the temptation to be filled with that delicious length she had in her hand again was too much to resist. She thinks she’s teased him enough anyway. She moves back up to kiss him again, threading her free hand into his hair as she shifts her hips and lets her slick sex slide over him, rubbing her clit against him and moaning into his mouth before guiding him to her entrance and sinking down onto him. 

She slides him all the way in, stretching herself wide and swallowing his groan of approval. Moving her hands to his forearms, she pulls his hands from her hips and pins them down by his side before sitting up and beginning to move. Arching her back, Alex circles her hips over him before grinding down, and she quickly finds a fast rhythm that makes them both gasp for breath and pant with pleasure as their bodies rock together. Her hands slide up her own body to run through her mass of curls, gripping them as she moans and feels her stomach tighten further. She opens her eyes to look down at Matt and sees him staring up at her like she’s the single most gorgeous thing on earth, his eyes dark and intense and drinking in her body like a man starved. 

“River,” he says when he catches her watching him. “You are fucking incredible.”

She gasps and moves that little bit faster as the excitement builds inside her. She grabs his hands, pulling them to her body. “Touch me,” she utters, guiding them to her breasts and letting him cup and squeeze them as she bounces on top of him. 

Her nails dig into his wrists as his erection presses against that spot inside her over and over again and she arches her back, her thighs beginning to tremble and tighten as moans and exclamations of pleasure tumble from her lips. Matt grinds up into her with each thrust and she clenches her hands tighter round his arms, holding on for dear life as she moves faster , so close to the edge, and he rubs and squeezes at her breasts, pinching both nipples at once and it is enough, her inner muscles clench around him as she finally reaches a climax. 

She throws her head back as she sees stars and screams out in pleasure, a cry of “Doctor!” Falling from her lips as Matt’s hips jerk up into hers and she feels him come inside her with a shout of her name - her real name, and she doesn’t even know if she’s Alex or River anymore or just a big ball of quivering, exploding sexual pleasure. 

When she can think again, she is collapsed on top of him, both of them gasping for air and holding tightly to each other as they pant and tremble all over.

“Fuck,” Matt swears. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah,” she agrees with a breathless laugh, raising her hips to let him slide out of her. “Bloody fantastic.”

She shifts to his side, leaning over him to kiss his lips gently. “Thank you for doing that darling,” she whispers with a soft smile and Matt grins.

“Are you joking? I’ve always wanted you, Alex, but you have _no idea_ how much I wanted River Song. She’s like…the ultimate fantasy. Just never thought it could actually happen.” 

He grins some more and waggles his eyebrows at her as she giggles, tucking her face into his neck. 

“I love her,” Alex admits. “She makes me feel…powerful. Sexy.” She lets out a happy sigh. “And the Doctor…I don’t know, there’s always been something just… _hot_ about the way you play him. And I didn’t realise how bloody sexy I found it until I started having those dreams.”

He lets out a small giggle, tugging on one of those curls before he suddenly appears to think of something and jumps out from where he is tucked against her and rolls over onto his stomach away from her to lean over, head hanging off the edge of the bed upside down as Alex stares in bemusement at him. “What are you doing!?”

“Ah ha!” He proclaims from over the edge before he pops back up with a grin. “Knew you were bluffing!”

Alex laughs when she realises what he was looking for. “I wasn’t bluffing, I was in character,” she grins at him as he scoots back over to wrap her in his arms. 

She snuggles into the embrace, letting out a yawn. 

“Tired?”

She nudges him. “Shush.”

He laughs and presses a kiss to her hair, sighing contentedly. “Me too.”

“Hmm,” she answers sleepily. She knows it’s the middle of the day but she suddenly feels so warm and comfortable and bloody _content_ she can feel her eyelids grow heavy. And she _is_ tired. Maybe if she just shuts them for a moment…

She is soon fast asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knoww this is kind of a similar idea to my other fic, but well, it’s not reaaally is it? Because it’s a different story. Charina assures me none of you will care anyway haha. I JUST HAVE SUCH A KINK FOR THEM ROLEPLAYING THEIR CHARACTERS OMG. (they dooo)


	10. Chapter 10

Alex wakes to the smell of bacon wafting into the room. She dazedly blinks her eyes open, glancing over at the clock, her eyes budging when she reads 3.07pm. She groans, rubbing at her face. She never sleeps in the day - especially until this sort of time unless she’s jetlagged. But then, she supposes with a small smile, she hadn’t exactly got much in the way of sleep at all during the night, and then when she’d woken up earlier…

She looks over, still smiling when the door opens and she gasps when Matt enters with a tray and grin on his face, crossing the room and placing it down on her lap as she pulls herself upright to lean against her pillows, tucking the sheets neatly round her. 

“Oh my God, did you make this for me!?” She asks in disbelief as she stares down at the plate of eggs, bacon, beans and toast in front of her, two mugs of steaming tea beside it. 

“Yep,” he grins, getting into bed beside her and taking his own mug off her tray. “Hope you don’t mind - I was starving. Thought I’d make you a plate too since I was being cheeky enough to use your kitchen.”

She laughs, taking a sip of her tea before picking up the knife and fork. “Where’s yours?”

“I already ate it,” he shrugs. 

Alex puts a forkful of bacon and eggs in her mouth and lets out a low hum, eyes closing in delight. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of wonderful?” She asks before the next mouthful. 

He grins over at her. “Well. You told me that in so many words last night. And this morning.”

She giggles, rolling her eyes. “Oh shut up.” She eats quietly for a few moments, humming appreciatively at the delicious fried food as it fills a stomach she didn’t even realise was painfully empty, when something abruptly occurs to her. 

“Oh - um…when do you have to go?”

She shoves another forkful of beans in her mouth in an attempt to appear casual - not that it was like she was _upset_ he was going she just…well yes. She sort of wishes he could stay a bit longer is all.

“I missed my flight.” 

Alex pauses eating to look at him guiltily. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry…”

He laughs. “Not your fault,” he says and Alex quirks an eyebrow, making him laugh again and poke her lightly. “Well it kind of _is_ …but it doesn’t matter. I checked and there’s another one at midnight. My agent’s sorting it for me, and shuffling around some things tomorrow so I can still get some sleep and make my audition in time.”

Alex nods. “That’s good.” She shoves another mouthful of bacon and eggs into her mouth, chewing and swallowing. “So when do you have to leave?”

He shrugs. “Not til about nine.”

She nods again, trying and failing to suppress the silly smile as she forks in another mouthful of food. 

She picks up her mug and smiles into it, glancing sideways at him over the rim as she asks innocently before taking a sip, “Whatever will we do until then?”

\--

The rest of the day had flown past unpleasantly quickly. Well - no, the way it had gone was very pleasant indeed, it was the fact it had gone so fast that was not so. She had gotten dressed after a shower - a shower which had taken a very long time due to Matt following her into the bathroom and her not bothering to kick him out - and they’d gone outside to tidy away everything that was still out from their barbeque the night before. Alex had mourned over the death of her rhododendron, which did actually look pretty awful in it’s burnt state in the light of day, but they had giggled about the cause of it and Matt had promised to buy her something to make up for it. 

So, with time to kill they’d gone to her local garden centre and he’d helped her choose a potted plant to replace it - she’d planned on growing another rhododendron but Matt had spotted the Alliums and asked what they were and when she’d told him his eyes had lit up and he suddenly laughed out loud. “Wait - I remember - I saw you on the Chelsea Flower Show on telly last year Kingston!”

Alex had winged an eyebrow. “And?”

“What was it you called these - _fabulous big balls!”_

“ _Matt!_ ” She’d giggled as they got several funny looks. 

“Your words not mine Kingston!” He’d retaliated, and proceeded to tease her for ten minutes until she gave in and told him he could buy her one to shut him up. He bought two, and a small pot of jasmine because she’d thought it would be pretty with it and they’d left with them, taking them back to her garden where Matt had helped her dig up the poor deceased shrubbery and plant the new ones. 

Alex cooked dinner after that, while Matt sat on the Kitchen counter and chatted to her about anything and everything. It was amiable and easy, and they didn’t once mention the fact that they’d spent all night and the better part of the day shagging each other, and it probably should have felt weird but it didn’t.

In fact, from when they’d dressed after their shower, neither had mentioned what had happened between them at all, nor acted any different around the other, and sometime during dinner, Alex had begun to fret about it. Because they couldn’t ignore something like that because it had _happened_ , and it had to mean something - even if it meant that it had been about nothing but pleasure for either of them. Then that at least had to be cleared up because he was her friend and friends didn’t just do things like that with each other then carry on as if nothing had happened. 

She keeps meaning to bring it up, but it never seems like the right moment in the conversation (really, when was the right moment to change the subject with ‘hey, so about how we shagged earlier…‘), and all too soon, Alex finds herself standing before Matt at her front door, a taxi sitting in her driveway with the engine running. 

“I’ll um…see you then?” He says as they eye each other and she nods. 

“Matt…” She bites her lip. She has to say something; she can’t just let him go like nothing’s happened because she would _worry_. 

“Yeah?”

She fidgets, looking down. “What happened…between us…” She risks a glance up to see him watching her carefully. “It isn’t going to…make things weird is it? You know, at work and stuff.”

He smiles reassuringly at her. “Course not Alex,” he says gently. 

She nods. “Okay, good. Because…you know it’s just…it was just - I mean we’re not -”

He stops her babbling by holding a hand up. “I know that,” he nods. “You don’t need to worry, I don’t expect anything from you.”

She smiles. “Well good. As long as we both know where we stand.”

“Yeah.” A tentative grin crosses his face. “It was good though, right?”

She laughs, feeling all the tension ease. “Oh yeah. Bloody fantastic darling.”

He grins wider. “Well,” he says, hovering in the doorway. “I’ll see you on the other side of the Atlantic then?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “See you in a few months.”

“Okay. Well…bye until then.”

“Goodbye darling,” she smiles. 

“Take care of yourself.”

“You too.”

He grins, still hovering and Alex laughs. 

“Oh - get over here and give me snog.”

Matt laughs out loud, dropping his bags by the door before crossing the few steps between them and sliding his arms round her waist to pull her to him as his mouth finds hers. 

She winds her arms up round his neck as he kisses her, snaking her tongue forward to meet his own and licking at it until he hums into her mouth. When they break apart they are both smiling at each other and she laughs and hugs him tightly. 

“Go on,” she smiles, pressing a kiss to the side of his face. “Your cab’s waiting.”

He grins, kissing her back before stepping away and moving back over to pick up his bags off the floor. “I’ll see you Kingston.”

She smiles back fondly. “Bye bye honey.” He nods and heads out towards the cab waiting in her driveway, loading his case into the boot, pausing to give her one final wave and grin before he slides into the back and the cab drives off. 

Alex shuts the door quietly, shaking her head with a fond sigh as she wanders off to the kitchen with a cup of tea in mind. 

She feels wonderfully refreshed and content as she settles into her sofa with her mug and turns on the telly, and she knows that that had been good for her. Maybe that was what it had all been about, all the dreams and fantasies; her brain had just been telling her she was in desperate need of a good shag. And Matt because he was available, attractive, a good friend who she trusted to share something like that with and obviously just as up for it as she was. 

She sinks into the comfortable cushions, her body aching a little in the most delicious way it only ever did after a good satisfying night. Finally for the first time in several weeks she feels calm and content, and she looks forward to getting a decent night’s sleep from now on.

\--

Three hours later, just a little after midnight, Alex awakes with a jolt, gasping for air as she scrambles in confusion for a moment, sitting upright and looking around in a panic until she slowly realises where she is; alone, in her own bed. _Alone._

Her heart pounds in her ribcage, and her mind is filled with vivid images from the dream she’d just awoken from, images of naked sweat slicked skin, of mouths open in a gasp, hands on her body and dark eyes shining in dim light. 

She flops back down. Her body is trembling, she is covered in a sheen of sweat and she whimpers uncomfortably as she wriggles and presses her thighs together against the ache that has settled there, an ache oh so familiar and if anything, worse than ever. And all she can think about is _him._

 _“Fuck._ ”

She thinks she may be in trouble.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex doesn’t hear from Matt after he leaves. She texts him two days later, to ask how the audition went and receives a brief response along the lines of ‘great, I think!’ but she doesn’t get another one when she texts back with a well done. She starts to worry that he’s regretting what they did, but then she receives flowers delivered to her door two weeks after he gets back to the UK, a huge over-the-top arrangement of lilies and carnations and she smiles at the card, ‘They didn’t have any Alliums! Anyway thanks for having me to stay. Matt x’ And she realises she is just being paranoid. 

Of course things are fine, why wouldn’t they be? Matt has just been busy, she _knows_ that, and why the hell was she obsessing over whether or not he’d been in contact with her anyway? They never used to keep in touch all that regularly if at all between shooting, and it’s not like anything had changed. They’d _agreed_ nothing had changed.

But things _had_ changed for her, and it takes her another month to finally admit that. She’d thought about him before, what with those dreams, but not like this - now he is on her mind almost constantly - not even in a sexual context, she just _thinks_ about him, what he’s doing, how he is - every time she steps out into her garden and looks at those damn Alliums she thinks about their disastrous barbeque and afternoon in the garden centre the next day and a smile comes to her lips. 

She isn’t sure why it is, but she thinks it probably has something to do with both the fact that she let herself do something as stupid as having sex with a good friend, and also because the dreams were still plaguing her nights in full force. She’d hoped to get rid of them by living out the fantasy they contained, but if anything, they were even more vivid than before. River and the Doctor, naked and entwined, in every way her mind could dream up. 

She and Matt have exchanged a few more casual texts over the weeks but they are always brief and don’t go any further than exchanging pleasantries. She wants to call him, on more than one occasion but she remembers what hearing his voice had done to her before, and resists the urge, until one night when she awakes in a familiarly frustrated state a little after 3am after only having fallen asleep at around two, and she decides it can’t make things any worse.

Fumbling for her phone on her bedside table in the dark, Alex sits up in bed and presses it to her ear after firmly pressing call on Matt’s name. She has a brief panic when it rings because oh God - what is she doing, it’s the middle of the sodding night and she’s so overtired she’s not with it and what is she even planning to _say -_

“Hello?”

She swallows. This was probably a _bad idea. “_ …Hey.”

“Alex,” he greets, and he sounds like he’s grinning which makes her smile a bit. 

“Hi, Matt. How are you?” She speaks with a slightly hushed voice, not that there’s any chance of her waking her daughter sleeping like a log three rooms away, but it just didn’t feel right to suddenly talk normally in a dark room at this time of night. 

“Er - yeah, I’m great thanks, you? - Um…isn’t it an awful time of night over there? Or - oh, are you here?” He sounds happy at the thought and she smiles weakly again. 

“No, no. I’m still in LA.” She swallows. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh. Is…everything okay?”

She nods, before realising he can’t see her and murmurs a soft, “Yeah, yeah it’s fine I just…you’re not busy are you? Is this a good time?” She suddenly babbles, realising it’s a Saturday morning and Matt could be doing anything - although it sounds quiet on his end of the line - 

“No, no not at all, it’s fine. Are you sure you’re alright Alex?” He asks gently and she swallows, feeling her eyes well with tears and her throat tighten and God this was _stupid_ and she was just overtired and calling him was a bad idea. 

She takes a deep breath, forcing her voice to come out normally. “I’ve just… had trouble sleeping… a lot lately.”

“Oh. I know what that’s like - it’s horrible Have you tried any sleeping pills? You can get some really great herbal ones you don’t even need a prescription for…”

“Yeah, no, no, it’s not - I mean yeah, I’ve tried those but it’s not really like that it’s just…” She sighs again and Matt goes quiet on the other end for a pause before he speaks again, his voice lowered and gentle. 

“Alex…when I was over you woke up from a bad dream that first night…do you remember?”

She swallows and feels her face flush because, frankly, she’s sort of surprised he hadn’t worked that one out. “Um - yeah…”

“Is that it? Are you getting nightmares?”

She sighs. “Not _bad_ dreams Matt…” She swallows, biting her lip and wondering if it was a terrible idea to confess this to him. 

“Alex?” He prompts, and he sounds genuinely concerned so she sighs again and plunges on. 

“Remember what I told you about… those other sorts of dreams I was having? About… River. And the Doctor…?”

“Ohhh, yes. I do remember.” She can hear him grinning down the phone and she bites her lip again, tucking a few curls behind her ear. 

“Yeah, well… I keep having them. _All_ the time - I… I can’t sleep, because I just keep waking up and…” She sighs crossly. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you this - I don’t even know why I called. I just…”

“It’s okay,” he says softly, and the grin is gone from his voice. “You wanted to talk about it and I’m the only one you could tell.” 

It is a statement rather than a question and Alex smiles weakly, a bit surprised by how well he understood her own mind when even she hadn’t. “Yeah… I suppose so. I just think…” she swallows and licks her lips. “I think maybe it was a bad idea. What we did. You know? And I… I’m just worried. About when I go back to work on Who and have to…” she drops her voice. “Have to be River and the Doctor again. Together. You know? Oh God…”

“Hey, hey… Alex,” his voice is soothing and quiet and she feels the panic that had been beginning to rise immediately ease just with his gentle tone. “It’ll be alright - it’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it - we’ll be okay - I promise.”

She licks her dry lips. “But - Matt…”

“It’ll be _fine_ Alex. Hey - if anything it’ll be better,” he says, his tone immediately lightening as a suggestive hint enters it. “I mean… it’s not like our characters _aren’t_ supposed to be sleeping together, we just… took our roles seriously. Call it character exploration.”

Alex bursts into giggles at that, letting herself fall down onto her back and turning her head to muffle her laughter into her pillow. “Oh Matt,” she says fondly, still smiling when he laughter has died down. “Thank you, dear. I needed that laugh.”

“Not a problem Kingston,” she hears him grinning as he speaks again. 

“Anyway.” She sighs. “I should let you go. Still don’t know how I’m gonna bloody sleep but…thanks for the chat darling, it made me feel better anyhow.”

“You’re welcome - and - you don’t have to go. I mean - if you want to talk for a bit I’m all ears Kingston.”

She fidgets. “Are you sure? I mean - you don’t have somewhere you need to be, or do, or…”

“Nah. Nothing that beats talking to you,” he says in a light-hearted tone and she smiles again. 

“Well okay. I don’t really think I could go back to sleep after that dream anyway.” She sighs heavily, because she is exhausted with it; waking almost every night like this, her mind and body so stimulated she struggles the rest of the night to find anymore sleep. 

There is a pause on the end of the line before Matt speaks quietly. “Want to tell me about it?”

Alex’s heart speeds up. “Um - what?”

“The dream. It might help?”

She lets out a dry chuckle. “Help who? You or me?”

He laughs down the line. “Well I certainly won’t _mind_ hearing about it but - no - God - I didn’t mean like that, I just thought…yeah, I dunno.” He lets out a nervous chuckle. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s alright,” she smiles. “Actually it… this one I’ve had a few times, always the same. It’s just the two of us - of them. And we…” She bites her lip, wondering why she’s saying this to him. “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

“No -” he sounds dismayed, “Tell me, please.”

She wants to tell him - she does. And she doesn’t know why because it’s only going to make things worse. But it’s sort of like…she doesn’t want to have to keep all this to herself - it’s driving her mad. She takes a breath. “Well… it starts in the console room and you - the Doctor - he - he’s teasing me all over. With his sonic.” She feels herself flood with shame as she realises what she’s just admitted and covers her face with her free hand. “Oh God. This is so embarrassing. Why am I telling you this?”

Matt chuckles in her ear, his voice low and husky. “I’ve been inside of you, Kingston, I think we’re past the embarrassed stage.”

She is glad he isn’t there because she flushes _red_ and it’s _ridiculous_ because she doesn’t think a man’s managed to make her blush since she was about fifteen. 

“So…” He prompts. “How clothed are you at this stage?”

_“Matt -”_

“Hey, you started it,” he laughs. “Can’t leave me hanging now, come on.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“I do. I think it’s a brilliant idea. Alex, come on…you know I don’t - don’t judge you for it or anything right?”

She smiles. “I know. Okay.” Alex takes another deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut. “I’m…he’s undressing me - River - as he goes, tracing the sonic over me and - and it tingles and I can feel it…”

“Bloody hell,” Matt groans a bit. “And me?”

“In your tweed - but - but I pull it off you quickly and get rid of your bowtie and shirt while you pull my dress off - the green one with the zip at the front, you know?”

“Yeah. I love that dress,” he says, and his voice has _definitely_ dropped at least two octaves and gone considerably hoarser. Alex swallows because it abruptly occurs to her exactly where this kind of conversation could lead and she knows that probably isn’t somewhere she should go. But her body is screaming its delight at the idea, already heating up again quickly, so much so that she has to toss the covers aside and let the cool air lick at her skin.

“Where are we?” Matt asks, and Alex answers immediately, her mouth betraying her brain. 

“By the console - but once my clothes are on the floor you pull me over to that little seat - you know, by the railing? And get me to sit in it so you can kneel in front of me.”

“Between your legs?” Matt’s voice is raspy now and she can hear the tempo of his breathing increase in her ear. It makes her hot. Makes her heart speed up ever more and her body tremble lightly. 

“Y-yeah. And - and I tell you I like you like that,” she is unable to prevent the grin finding it’s way onto her lface as she recalls the dream. “On your knees before me. And I take your hand with the sonic and guide it down my body, pressing it -” she lets out a small noise as she shifts in her bed - “to my clit.”

She hears Matt suck in a sharp breath at that and then he groans loudly. 

“And you switch it on - and I can feel the waves go through me, like - like vibrations and - and then you push it inside and it’s like - God it feels amazing -”

“Alex -” Matt cuts her off sharply. “ _Fuck_. I don’t… I can’t listen to this - I can’t, without - ungh, fuck…”

She swallows. “It’s okay,” she breathes. “I don’t… mind if you - I _want_ you to…” She lets out a shaky breath, sliding her free hand down over her trembling body. “Tell me what it feels like?” She whispers. 

She hears shuffling and Matt lets out a groan that tells her he‘s doing exactly what she‘d asked. He swears, his voice low. “Hard, aching. Bloody hell, I can almost imagine it’s your -…tell me what happened next. Please?”

“Um -” She says as she tries to make sense of her thoughts through the pleasure that’s flooding her mind as she lets her hand slide into her pyjama bottoms. “I don’t - I can’t remember, I…”

“Do I make you come like that? With the sonic?”

“No - no I…nearly, you nearly do, but then I push you away and switch us round, shove you into the chair and straddle your thighs. Take it off you and tease you with it instead until you’re thrusting up into my hand and begging me to fuck you.”

He moans in her ear, but manages to point out, “I’m still wearing my trousers.”

She giggles breathlessly. “It’s a dream. They’re gone.”

“Oh good. I love dreams.” She hears him give a muffled grunt and a hiss. “What next?”

“I toss it aside and you grab my hips and guide me onto you, and - and I sink down and take you all inside, and I’m so full of you and it feels so _bloody good…”_

“…And then!?”

“That’s it. I wake up.”

Matt lets out a groan that sounds so pained; Alex has to laugh, despite her own desperately aroused state.

“I can see the problem here, Kingston,” Matt says with genuine feeling, grunting softly again. “Do they all _end_ like that!? Without finishing?”

“M-mostly yes. Sometimes… I mean one or two times, I’ve… _you know.”_

“…Bloody hell.”

“Yeah.” 

She hears him swallow, and more shuffling. “Do you… want to finish?” He asks, voice husky and soft. “Now?”

She bites her lip, as she presses her fingers up against her clit and arches into her touch with a gasp. _“Yes,_ ” she breathes back. “Please…”

Matt groans again and, “Well then,” he says in a low tone, a grin in his words. 

And so, she lets him talk her to a quick orgasm, listening intently as he tells her in detail exactly how they would finish that scenario, how everything feels, how _she_ feels, around him, on him, her body against his own…

Afterwards, she lies panting in her bed with the phone still held limply to her ear, the sound of his harsh breathing matching her own. 

“Better?” Matt finally asks, and she laughs at how smug he sounds. 

“Mmm, _much._ Can I call you every time I wake up from a dream like that?” She asks drowsily. 

“Oh fuck yes. Please.”

She giggles softly into the phone. “Okay.” She yawns. “I think I’m gonna go back to sleep now.”

“Alright.”

She pauses. “Matt…this…”

“Just fun, right?” He says easily and she smiles.

“Yeah. Okay…night then,” she whispers. 

“Night, Kingston.”

“Night, night.”

“ Sleep tight.”

“Mmm hmm,” she hums sleepily. “You too.”

He pauses. “Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“…Sweet dreams.”

She grins. “Bastard,” she throws out good naturedly before disconnecting and burrowing into her pillows, phone still help limply in her hand as she falls immediately into a heavy sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Two days later, Matt texts her. It is evening when her phone goes off, and she is surprised to see Matt’s name because it is gone one in the morning over there. But when she opens the message it no longer seems odd that he’s texting her so late. 

Matt seems to have taken to this whole idea of River and the Doctor alarmingly well, and she swallows, her heart pounding as she reads his text over, and she bites her lip hard when she feels her body respond. How in hell does he _do this_ to her?

 _Couldn’t sleep?_ Is all she texts back. 

His reply is quick. _Think I’ve caught your insomnia!!!! X_

_Matt you can’t text me things like that, it’s early, Salome could have picked up my phone!_

_Oh…sorry x_

She sighs, biting her lip as she mulls over what to reply with. He texts her back before she can decide. 

_Did you like it?_

_What?_ She text back, although she knows what he means. 

_The text x_

Alex absently bites her lip again as she scrolls back up to read over the first message again. 

_Next time I visit you in prison River Song, I'm going to slam you up against those bars and fuck you until you scream. D x_

She doesn’t know what to say in reply. She wants to tell him what it did to her but is all too aware of her daughter in the kitchen grabbing herself a drink and knows she really can't start a discussion like that over text when she will be back in any minute. Instead she settles for texting back a hurried; _I don’t think the BBC would approve!_

His reply is instant: _Do YOU approve??_

Alex smiles as she texts back: _River would like it I'm sure!_

_Oh I know. She's a bad bad girl ;)_

Still smiling widely, she starts to type out a ‘yes she is,’ but nearly jumps out of her skin when her daughter marches back into the room with a loud whinge of, _“Mu-um!"_

Hurriedly stuffing her phone down between her leg and the arm of the chair she turns to face Salome with a bright smile as she flops down next to her. "What's wrong?"

"I told you to pause it! I've missed loads now!"

Alex rolls her eyes. "Alright miss drama queen we can rewind."

She does so, and waits until it's playing again and Salome is happily engrossed until she slips her phone back out and shoots off a quick text to Matt. _Daughter here. If I dream about that tonight I am going to kill you. A x_

His reply is quick: _If you do please call me!!!!! xx_

Alex can't wipe the smirk off her face for the next ten minutes.

\--

She does dream that night, although she and the Doctor aren’t in prison, just a bed, him and her huddled under the sheets in the peaceful dark, their naked bodies pressed together as they rock gently, whispering sweet nothings and sharing soft kisses. More than the feeling of pleasure and arousal her dreams normally give her, this one fills her with a sense of utter contentment, and she feels so happy and loved in his arms that when she wakes in an empty bed she feels something tug in her chest and quiet tears slip down her cheeks. 

She is _lonely_ and she knows that; she has been ever since her last marriage broke up - and even for a few years before that. And it’s not the kind of loneliness friends and her daughter can fill. She feels jealous of River for the first time that night. Jealous. Of a fictional character. Alex scoffs at herself and angrily wipes away tears before rolling onto her stomach and trying to will herself back to sleep as she mentally berates herself for being so pathetic. 

\--

He texts her again a week later, and unfortunately, her daughter does get hold of her phone before her, but _fortunately_ , she is still young enough that when Alex tells her that Matt meant he wanted to come down to visit her again and that ‘on’ must have been an autocorrect mistake, Salome shrugs and hands Alex the phone before spinning to bounce off. 

Despite her brief panic, Alex manages to grab her daughter by the sleeve before she disappears and spends the next five minutes lecturing her (perhaps a little harsher than she should have) on how she has no right to touch her mother’s things or look at her personal messages. 

“But mum - I saw it was only from _Matt_ \- I wouldn’t have opened it otherwise!”

Alex has no answer for that. 

“Just leave my phone alone, alright?” She tells her firmly before letting her scarper off upstairs. 

Running a hand through her hair, Alex opens the message from Matt and firmly hits the reply button. She types out a quick, cross text, her fingers still trembling slightly from her brief panic. 

_Salome just read that text!_

Matt takes about five minutes to reply, and in that time, Alex pours herself a large glass of wine and paces her kitchen. She jumps when her phone buzzes in her hand. 

Oh shit. I'm really sorry...xx

I told you not to send me texts like that! Alex replies crossly, and waits another few minutes for a text back and she imagines him fretting over how to reply. Yeah, she _hopes_ he feels bad. 

_I'm sorry. It was stupid. :( Is everything okay? x_

Alex sighs, and considers lying, telling him that her daughter knew exactly what that meant and they are both in big trouble but she figures he probably feels bad enough. 

_Yes, lucky for you. She didn't know what it meant._

The next text is quick: _Oh, good!_

Alex scowls at her phone. _Do not send me any more texts like that._

 _Okay._ Is all he texts back with, and then just as she is about to put down her phone, it buzzes again with, _Sorry x_

She sighs. She wants to text back with 'it's alright' (how does he make her heart melt like that without even _being_ here? She can just see his pouting face and its making her feel bad, even though _he's_ the one who should feel bad) but instead deletes all his messages and doesn't reply. 

\--

It is a few days before Alex hears from him again. She almost sends a text a couple of times, just a 'Hi how are you?' because damn it but she's starting to _worry_ that she's pissed him off, which is ridiculous because _she_ should be the one who's pissed off, and with this resolve in mind she manages to restrain herself from contacting him. 

He calls her at dinner time, and she happens to have been talking about him at that very minute; Salome had brought up the text, asking if Matt was coming to visit again and Alex hadn't known what to say. 

"I'm sure he's very busy Salome," she is telling her daughter over a plate of macaroni cheese. 

"But mum - _he said_ he wanted to come down to see you - he can't be that busy!"

"Well - I'm busy - and he's starting filming soon - he's not coming okay? And I told you about reading my messages; it's none of your business, alright?"

Salome huffs at her stern look, and a short silence falls between them as Alex seethes into her dinner, mentally cursing Matt again in her head. It is this moment when her phone rings on the table next to her and the name of the devil himself pops up on her call display. Her mouth sets in a firm line and she puts down her knife and fork. 

"I'll be right back," she mutters quickly to her daughter. "Eat your veg!" She says as she gets up from the table and answers the call with a short, "Hello?"

"Alex - hey," Matt says on the other end. "Wasn't sure if you were gonna answer...is this a good time?"

She shuts herself in the downstairs study and runs a hand through her curls, phone pressed tightly to her ear. "Not really. We're having dinner."

"Oh - sorry - I can call back -"

"Matt," she interrupts him. "I can't talk to you with my daughter around. She's already asking why you're not coming to visit again because of -" she sighs harshly. "- the lie I had to tell her to explain that bloody text."

There is a pause. "What did you tell her?"

Alex scowls. "Are you laughing!?"

"No!" He laughs. "No, no, I'm not laughing..."

"It's not _funny,"_ she snaps into the phone. "This is all a big joke to you isn't it?"

"What - no!" He immediately stops sniggering. "No, no, no, it's not a joke - Alex - it...I'm sorry. I'm _sorry._ I didn't mean to laugh. And I am sorry for sending that text..."

"I'd already _told_ you -"

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's why I thought I'd call instead."

"Well I told you, it's not a good time, I'm having dinner with Salome."

"Okay, well I'll..."

"I'm sorry Matt. I can't talk, I have to go."

"Oh - okay..."

She squeezes her eyes shut, and forces herself to mutter a soft, "Bye," into the phone. 

"...Bye Alex," he sounds disappointed, and she sighs and hangs up the phone. She feels bad as soon as she does, and wants to call him back later that night but the memory of having to lie to her daughters face earlier that day stops her. 

\--

A week passes, and she gets flowers delivered to her door again. She knows who they are from as soon as she sees the delivery van pull up in her driveway, and despite herself, she cannot keep the smile from her face as she answers the door and accepts the delivery. 

Instead of a bouquet, it is two pots of flowers this time, a large one filled with pansies of all different colours (how did he know she loves those?) and another small pot of jasmine _(to go with your Alliums!_ The note attached to that one says) and she grins and shakes her head. She pulls out the note stuck in with the larger pot, and all it says is, _You know what these are for. M x_ And Alex has to smile at that, her heart melting a little. Because bless him - he really had listened, and had obviously thought about Salome getting to the note before her. She suddenly feels awful for chiding him so harshly and is a little amazed that he actually seems to care that he'd upset her, enough to do something as sweet as this. 

She feels guilty enough not to want to call because she wouldn‘t really know what to say, so instead she settles for sending a short text; _Thank you xxx_

Matt replies quickly; _Welcome :) xx_ And she smiles again when he doesn't try to say anything else. 

\--

She and Matt send a few more texts to each other over the next couple of weeks, only a ‘how’s things?’ here and there, the sort of texts she often exchanges with fellow co-workers during hiatuses, and Alex constantly tells herself firmly she is pleased by this. 

Her dreams are less frequent, and she is glad to be finally getting some rest, but when she goes a full two weeks without one she is utterly shocked to find herself lying in bed that night with her eyes squeezed shut hoping to fall asleep and become River. 

She is imagining his hands on her, the Doctor’s hands, and a smile on her lips as she purrs a ‘yes sweetie’ in his ear before she realises what she’s doing and snaps her eyes open with a gasp. 

_“No,”_ she whispers to herself crossly in the dark. “You wanted them gone Alex, didn’t you? I _don’t want those dreams.”_

She doesn’t find much sleep that night. 

The night after, she dreams of her Doctor again, of laying in his arms while he moves slowly inside her, and this one doesn’t even wake her up in the night, she just wakes easily in the morning with the dream in her mind and a sense of contentment inside. She tries to deny it, and she knows it’s insane given how much the dreams had tortured her initially, but she knows she is happy she dreamed of being River again, it had felt…like coming home. 

She gets up with a smile on her face, trying not to think about it, and sleepily trudges downstairs. The house is quiet and peaceful and she sighs happily as she sets the kettle to boil. She adores her daughter, but she is not a morning person, and Salome is, and Alex therefore loves the rare mornings when she wakes up before her and has time to relax with a cup of coffee to wake up properly on her own first. 

Yawning, cup of coffee now in hand, Alex collects the mail from her porch before padding back to the kitchen and tossing it down on the counter to rifle through it. Bills, junk, more bills…but after that there is a letter to her with a handwritten address that makes her pause and squint at it. She recognises the writing but she isn’t sure where from. With a shrug, she opens it, pulling out the card tucked inside. It is a simple picture of a garden of flowers on the front, no text, and when she opens it, it clicks where she knows the writing from and she begins to smile. 

_Alex,_

_What do you think of the new script? I think it’s brilliant!! Steven missed out an important scene though, I took the liberty of writing it for him so I’m sending you the draft - let me know what you think!_

_Matt_

Inside the card there was paper folded up, and, shaking her head in bemusement, Alex opens it up to find three sheets stapled together, typed up in script format. 

Her brow furrowed, she begins reading, and her eyes immediately widen. _Oh my God._

_…Oh my God!_

Matt had written…well. _Porn._ There was really no polite way to describe it. It was a scene intended to slot between the final two, before the Doctor drops River back off at Stormcage, taking place in the Tardis. On the Tardis console to be precise. It was bluntly and…quite descriptively written, and Alex was pleasantly surprised by his literacy skills, all of which only helped to magnify the effect it had on her. 

It was just… knowing Matt had actually sat down and written this, that he had been imagining him and her doing these things… it _did things_ to her. 

A whimper escapes Alex as she reads, surprising her, and she sinks onto one of the stools to rest her hands holding the pages on the counter to still the shaking, crossing her legs to press them together tightly. When she finishes, her heart is pounding and (although she is ashamed to realise it) there is a distinct dampness between her legs. She takes a deep breath, slowing turning back to the first page and scanning through it again. 

A line of dialogue jumps out at her. __

_Doctor: River Song, you are magnificent._

_River: And you’re a damn tease, Doctor!_

She bites her lip as she reads it over because she distinctly remembers her and Matt uttering those very words to each other that glorious morning they spent melded together in her bed. She remembers, because his head was between her thighs at that point, and she had been about ready to kill him for all his teasing but still his words had made her smile. She would worry about Matt remembering such specific details except that she realises it means she does too so she decides to disregard that thought all together. 

She does however, worry about just how well Matt had seemed to have taken to this…whole idea. Maybe it had been a mistake, telling him about her dreams after they‘d slept together (sleeping with him in the first place had probably been the mistake but she doesn’t linger on that) because he was obviously running with the idea and how they hell were they supposed to be these characters in front of loads of other people and cameras when she got back if they were both thinking things like _this?_ And it was only supposed to have been that once and how was she supposed to keep away from him if he was doing things like this? 

God but she loves it though. As much as she tries not to, and tries to tell herself how badly this is all going to end, she clutches the pages in her hands and bites down hard on her lip as her eyes drink in the words, absolutely loving that he’d written this for her. 

She doesn’t know what she’s started with Matt, but she realises then, as she sits in her kitchen with the pages clutched in her hands, biting down hard on her lip as her eyes drink in the words, that she’s going to have a hard time stopping it. 

She wants to call him, badly, and even picks up her phone but...she knows where that phone call will go. And God does she _want it_...but that would only be encouraging him. And she's really not sure she should be. One of them with an unhealthy obsession with their characters relationship was enough; she really didn't need him latching onto it as well. 

_Bit late for that now Alex_ , she thinks as she skims over the typed pages again. It had been a mistake telling him about her dreams, she realises that now. Matt is young, clearly impressionable - she knows he's always admired her in a sort of half-besotted way (and, flattered, she'd only ever encouraged it) and she knows how much he is involved with the role of the Doctor. He _loves it,_ and he loves playing him, and he clearly adores her (and River), and by combining all that together she realises she'd let him in on something he's not going to want to let go of. 

_Stupid, Alex_ , she berates herself, as her hands tremble with the pages. _Stupid, stupid._

The thing that worries her most is that she's not as disturbed by it as she knows she should be.

\--

Alex does manage to resist the urge to call Matt after the script he sends her, settling for sending a text along the lines of _Maybe you’re in the wrong line of work - screenwriting might just be your calling! ;) x_ And therefore consoling herself with the fact that she is neither encouraging him or pretending she didn’t like what he’d sent her. Matt replies briefly, _(glad you approved ;) I’ll just email this to Steven shall I…_ \- And Alex had laughed and told him politely that it might not be the best idea because poor Steven might feel challenged by his talents) and after a few more back and forth texts it is the last they speak of it. 

Aside from the other odd text message over the next few months of hiatus from the show, she has no contact with Matt - which she knows is for the best. And every time she picks up her phone and lets her thumb hover over the ‘call’ button next to his name with a strong temptation to press it, she digs the script he’d wrote her out of her bottom drawer with shaking hands and settles down with that instead. 

That script gets read a _lot_ over those few months.


	13. Chapter 13

Stepping out of the costumes trailer, Alex wraps her big coat tightly round her over the costume - a thin black dress and corset which wasn’t much help against the chilled April Welsh air, and makes for the studio entrance. A little flutter of excitement bubbles in her stomach and a smile finds its way onto her lips. She firmly tells herself she is excited about being on the show again - she always has so much fun working on Who; it’s so different to anything else she does - and about seeing everyone again. _Everyone_ , because she is fond of them all, and the butterflies are not due to a particular tall floppy-haired man she knows is inside the studio in a tweed jacket and knee-weakening smile. 

Alright, so she’s a _little_ anxious to see him. 

Walking into the studio, she is immediately greeted fondly by several people at once and she smiles and accepts hugs, telling everyone how glad she is to be back but bloody hell she’d forgotten how cold it was this side of the Atlantic. 

After getting all the ‘hello, how have you beens’ with Karen and Arthur and a few of the crew she knows well over with, Alex’s eyes seek out Matt, standing off in the corner, pretending to be so engrossed in his script he hasn’t noticed her entrance, but she knows it is because he is waiting to greet her alone. Forcing a casual expression onto her face, she wanders over to him. 

“Hello stranger.”

Matt grins, and doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her, hugging her quickly and tightly, as he speaks in a rough voice in her ear; “Hello River.”

Alex smacks his shoulder lightly and pulls away, giving him a warning look even as she laughs. 

“How’s it been going?” She asks him. 

Matt nods. “Good, yeah. I’m glad you’re here though - Karen’s been as miserable as sin, wandering around and moping about leaving - only makes it worse. You always brighten things up Kingston.”

Alex laughs. “Well I’m glad.”

They fall into companionable silence for a moment as they stand in the corner of the studio, watching the bustle of the crew setting up around them. 

Matt speaks first, leaning in and dropping his voice to a confiding tone. “I’ve thought about you.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “Have you?”

“Mm.”

“Why didn’t you call then?”

He looks down, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Didn’t want to… you know. I mean… after the last time I called… and you didn’t call me again so I just thought…”

Alex feels a bit guilty, and shifts on her feet, fiddling with her hair. “Yeah, well…I know, I just. I mean I’ve been busy and…you know.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I didn’t really expect you to call again.” He smiles a bit nervously at her as she catches his eyes and they hold each other’s gaze for a moment before both simultaneously realise how ridiculous they are being and break into grins, trying to smother laugher. 

Getting control of herself, Alex inches closer as she chuckles softly. “I’ve thought about you too,” she admits quietly.

He grins widely at her. “Have you?” He flirts. 

“Yeah,” she smiles back. 

Matt leans in a bit. “More naughty dreams, I hope…?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively and she laughs, shoving at him lightly. 

“Oh, stop it.”

He laughs back, and she catches his eyes and grins, before looking away, then back and catching his eyes again making them both laugh once more. 

“Well?” He says. 

She raises teasing eyebrows. “Well what?”

“Have you? Had any naughty dreams about us?”

She gasps in mock outrage and slaps his arm lightly. “They were never about _us,”_ she giggles. 

“Sure, sure,” he grins and she catches his eyes and bursts out laughing again when he raises his eyebrows pointedly. 

“Well…” she says slowly. _“Maybe.”_

He looks ridiculously smug and she shoves him again, trucking her mass of curls behind her ear. “Oh _shut up._ ”

They are called on set over a megaphone and they glance at each other and begin to move over to their markers. 

“So are you doing anything tonight?” Matt asks in a deliberately casual manner.

She shakes her head. “Nope, nothing planned.”

“Fancy coming over for a drink then? Be good to catch up properly.”

She turns to regard him with a quirked eyebrow and a smirk. “Just a drink?”

“Course. Just a drink.”

“Okay,” she shrugs with a smile. “I’ll come straight over when we’re finished tonight then.”

He grins back. “Good.”

“Good.”

\--

‘Just a drink‘, had never been intended to mean just a drink by either of them, and she damn well knew it, no matter how many times she’d told herself throughout the day that that was all she was going over for. 

They didn’t even end up having a drink, Matt had half a beer and she had two sips of a glass of wine before they pounced on each other and ending up shagging on his sofa. 

Well. Although they’d agreed while he was in LA that it wasn’t anything serious between them they’d never said it only had to be that once had they? She nods to herself with that thought firmly in mind as she lies beneath him, panting and half naked while he gasps for air into her neck. 

She pushes at him after a moment, grunting quietly. “My leg’s stuck honey.”

Mumbling apologies, Matt shuffles off her and manages to wedge himself on his side between her and the back of the sofa, facing her with arms still wound tightly round her and their legs entangled. 

Alex sighs contentedly, looking into his face and grinning. “Hello.”

He laughs, brushing a slightly sweat dampened curl from her forehead. “Hello.”

She giggles, tucking her face into his neck and she feels him run a hand over her back and thinks that she’s going to rather _enjoy_ her time shooting this series. 

\--

They are shooting on location the next morning and are due at work at five am so they can be out of costumes and ready to be ferried off in mini buses at seven. It is now 4.45 and Alex is still at Matt’s and both of them are running very, very late. 

She hadn’t meant to stay the night at all, she’d just been so tired, and his arms had been so warm and it wasn’t like it would be the first time she’d shared a bed with him all night and they’d already shagged so what would be the harm?

Except the harm turned out to be that both of them had been so comfortable after their second round of hello-sex in his bed that neither bothered to set an alarm before succumbing to sleep. 

By some miracle, Karen had texted Matt a little after 4.30 to whine about the early hour and how she would die to crawl back into bed, and the message had woken him. 

Still only half awake, and in the same clothes as yesterday, Alex clambers into Matt’s car and frets aloud about how they have ten minutes to complete a twenty minute drive. 

“It’s fine,” Matt mutters, turning the ignition on and knocking the car into reverse. “The roads will be empty.”

Alex doesn’t reply and swallows as he backs out of the bay and speeds away down the street. She glances over at Matt as he drives, a frown on his face and hands gripped tight around the wheel. “Matt.”

He glances sideways at her, and looks reluctant. “Yeah?”

“You know…nobody can know about this, right?”

He sets his jaw, and nods firmly. “I know.”

“Okay. Good,” she relaxes a bit. “Because you know - it’s just… it’s not professional, you know? And it’s not like it means anything so there’s no point complicating things at work.”

He sighs a bit. “I know.” And glancing at her again,. “But… it can still happen though, right?”

He sounds a bit nervous and Alex bites her lip, knowing she should be telling him that no, it really can’t, but also knowing that now she’s had a taste she’s totally helpless to stay away when he’s so close. So instead she sighs. “We just have to be careful,” she mutters, and Matt shoots her a grin and a wink. 

She turns her head to look out of her window, a smile on her lips. 

They make it to work in twelve minutes and Alex is impressed. Others are still arriving, all in a similarly half-asleep state and nobody even notices them both slipping out of Matt’s car together. She mutters a ‘See you later’ and hurries towards the make-up trailer.

She doesn’t see Matt again until mid-morning, standing in a graveyard somewhere in the middle of nowhere; shivering beneath the large coat she is wrapped in as she waits to start shooting. He strolls up to her, his costume also covered in a thick floor-length coat, and hands her a steaming paper cup of coffee. 

“Ooh!” She exclaims in delight as she takes it from him and wraps her freezing hands round it. “Thank you darling, just what I needed,” she says as she takes a grateful sip. 

Matt sips from his own cup, sniffing and rubbing at his nose which seemed to be, like hers, running from the cold. 

“Bloody freezing up here isn’t it?” He comments, and Alex nods glumly. 

“At least you’re used to it - I was in twenty five degrees three days ago.”

Matt laughs and edges closer so he can wrap an arm around her, tucking her into his side and rubbing his hand over her arm. 

“Matt…” She begins in a reluctant warning tone but he raises his eyebrows and turns an innocent gaze on her. 

“What?” He says. “It’s cold.”

Alex sighs and lets him hold her close, consoling herself with the fact that across the set, Karen was also trying to huddle into Arthur and everyone who isn’t doing something is standing in close groups. 

When they are called into position five minutes later, Alex is as reluctant to leave the warmth of his side as she is the big puffy coat they prise from her as she is directed towards the Tardis. 

“Oh my God it’s freezing!” She complains, her teeth chattering as goose pimples stand out on her exposed flesh and beneath the sheer sleeves that cover her arms. 

“Try not to think about it,” Matt mutters in her ear as he walks with her, a hand on her lower back to allow her to go in front. 

“Easy for you to say - tweed is warm. And you have a lot more layers on than me - corsets were not designed for warmth,” she grumbles.

Matt glances down and winks at her. “Looks good though.”

“Oh _shush._ ”

River and the Doctor have just landed in the graveyard, and the scene begins with them stepping out of the Tardis so Alex and Matt are ushered inside ready for a take. 

She just catches a glimpse of the glint Matt suddenly has in his eye as he motions to the box with an ‘After you,” and then the door is shut behind them and they are plunged into darkness and Alex scarcely has time to turn round before she lets out a squeak of shock as she is immediately backed into the other wall, Matt’s mouth swallowing her protest. 

“Matt!” She gasps when she manages to gather enough sense to shove him back. “What are you doing?” She hisses in the dark little box. She can’t see him but she somehow knows he is grinning as he presses body into hers. 

“Warming you up,” he whispers back, running large warm hands down over her cold arms as he grinds his hips against her a little, squeezing another gasp from her. 

“Are you insane - anyone could open the door and see!”

“They won’t,” he chuckles lowly as he leans in to run his lips over her neck. 

“Matt…”

“Have I told you how much I _love_ this costume?” He whispers in her ear as his hands skim up her stomach over the bones of the corset until he can cup the swell of her heaving breasts over the top of it. 

Alex throws back her head as he squeezes at the same time as he takes the lobe of her ear between his teeth, and she just opens her mouth to quip back with a cheeky retort when ‘ _Action!_ ’ Sounds out loudly from outside over the megaphone and they spring apart quick as a flash and Alex flails to open the door and stumble out to begin the scene. 

It is rushed and bit off that first time, but first takes are never any good so nobody thinks much of it. They call to get back into positions for another one and as they bundle back into the Tardis, Alex is better prepared this time. 

She fists her hands in Matt’s hair as he pushes her against the side of the small the box and readily accepts his heated kiss. When they call for action Alex takes a breath and smoothes down her dress before stepping out of the Tardis and delivering her lines with clear accuracy. The scene plays out smoothly. 

It becomes like a game for them; see how far they can get before action is called and they have to leave the box. Alex knows it’s a stupid game - a _reckless_ one to be playing with him on set like this (she’s never done anything like this at work!) but she can’t bring herself to care enough that she doesn’t pull him close every time those doors close. 

Matt has his hand down the front of her corset during one call of action, and it is so tight they briefly panic that it’s stuck as he tries to yank it out, but luckily he manages to get free and she gets her cleavage properly arranged as they repeat ‘ _Action!_ ’ before one of the crew throws the doors open. 

“Sorry - sorry!” Alex quickly apologises. “We were just - discussing something - about the scene - sorry, we’re ready!”

The man nods and shuts the door again and Alex mutters every curse she can think of while Matt sniggers next to her before another take is called. 

Not that it stops her from letting him press her to the back and shove his tongue down her throat the next time they’re shut in the box together. She goes for his trousers this time, and rubs her hand over him through the material, making Matt give a muffled grunt into her mouth and pull back from her. 

“Bloody hell,” he pants, “keep doing that and everyone is gonna know _exactly_ what we’ve been doing in here Alex,” he protests as she giggles quietly. 

“Well,” she whispers back, pressing herself against him again. “Maybe you should learn to control yourself better sweetie.”

“Oi!” He hisses back, pinching her bum for that. “I can control myself perfectly well thank you - and anyway it’s your fault for looking like that,” he murmurs in a lowered voice in her ear that makes her grin. 

“I didn’t pick the outfit darling,” she utters back as he squeezes a handful of her arse and presses an open mouthed kiss to her neck. “Maybe you should be -” she gives a gasp when he pulls her hips tight to his - “thanking the costume department.”

“Well,” Matt begins to retort, but it is then the familiar call sounds over the megaphone and they are forced to break apart and exit the box. 

Matt messes up that scene, and Alex isn’t sure whether he was distracted by what they’d been up to or if it was a genuine mistake but she thought there was the smallest of smirks on his lips when he got his words muddled and apologised, and she’s not sure she would put it past him to mess up deliberately so they need to clamber back into the box for another take. 

When he mucks up the take after by speaking at the wrong time, and the one after that by ‘tripping’ (she knows he is clumsy but that was definitely on purpose) over a grave, she knows he’s doing it on purpose. She would confront him about it but things inside the box are getting considerably more heated each time and she promptly forgets what she’d been intending to say every time the doors close. 

Matt has pushed her against the back wall this time and has his hand under her skirt and inside her knickers again so fast she doesn’t think she’s even taken a breath since the doors shut. Gasping softly, she fists a hand in his hair and drags him down for a kiss as her other frantic hand cups hold of his arse to haul him to her as she throws her leg around his waist. 

His fingers are inside her, stroking her inner walls roughly and she is so wet from his previous attempts that they slide within her as if she‘s water. She breaks from his mouth to gasp in air as both her hands go to his trousers to rip open the fastenings and find their way inside. She throws her head back, hitting it against the side and vaguely hoping nobody heard the thud outside as Matt grinds his hips forward, pushing his fingers deeper within her before pulling his hand out of her knickers and fumbling to shove down his pants between them. Alex hitches her leg higher and thrusts her hips into his as she wraps a hand round his length, hard and throbbing for her, and they fumble, panting and shaking with desire, when -

“And… _action!”_

Gasping, they spring apart and scramble to get their clothes back together, Alex throwing her dress down and Matt hastily re-fastening his trousers and shoving his shirt inside. Horror floods through her as she realises they had literally been seconds away from actually having sex in this box and what the hell had she been _thinking!?_

“Okay?” she mutters quickly to Matt, because they need to get out there _now._

“Yeah, go,” he mutters back hoarsely, and she spins to throw open the door, stepping out and launching into the scene. 

That take is _bad,_ but she is as much to fault as Matt. They are both so keyed up and shaken (and Matt trying to keep his tweed jacket pulled tight together at the front) neither can get their lines out properly at all. When they step back into the box this time and are shut in darkness neither move to touch the other. 

She swallows. “We need to stop this.” She whispers. 

“Yeah,” Matt agrees quietly. “That was stupid, right?”

“Yes.” She takes a deep breath, her heart is still pounding and she feels frustrated and jittery now. “No more messing the scene up on purpose, yeah?”

“I wasn’t!” Matt protests. 

“ _Matt._ ”

He sighs. “Alright. Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”

“Yeah, well -”

“ _Action!”_

She sighs and opens the door, and they nail it in two more takes. 

\--

Alex doesn’t speak to Matt much the rest of the day, trying to distance herself from him while she mentally berates herself over and over for her reckless behaviour. She hurries back to her hotel when they finish shooting that night and climbs into a too big, too cold bed alone, with attempting to get a decent night’s sleep in mind. 

She falls asleep after two hours of tossing and turning, and dreams of the Doctor, a fast, adrenalin fuelled dream of him and her running, hand in hand, before bundling into the Tardis together and him pressing her against the doors as they rip at each other’s clothes. It is frantic and messy and it feels _amazing,_ and she doesn’t think about the fact that he is growling Alex instead of River, or that this Tardis is not bigger on the inside but a small, dark wooden box until she wakes. 

Sighing, and running a hand through her slightly sweat-damped hair in the darkened hotel room, Alex rolls over and lets out a huff, preparing herself for yet another restless night.


	14. Chapter 14

Letting out a groan of frustration, Alex flings herself over in her bed onto her side, blearily reaching out for her phone on the bedside table next to her and peering at it, squinting at it’s brightness. She whimpers when she makes out the time. 2.07am. Dropping it, she burrows deeper into her covers, turning her face into the pillow and fighting back tears. 

She is exhausted and she needs to sleep. She worked a thirteen hour shift yesterday, wrapping at 10pm and she needs to be back at the studio at nine tomorrow morning. This morning, she corrects herself, since it’s already gone two and she hasn’t had a wink of sleep. 

Last night, she had gone back to Matt’s flat with him after work; after their naughty little game in the Tardis box on set the day before, she had spent the rest of the day sexually frustrated, a state that had carried over into the next day, heightened by her restless night and heated dreams. She’d found herself unable to keep her bloody eyes off Matt all day, imagining his counterpart roughly taking her inside the Tardis like he’d done in her dream, and messing up her lines more than once due to her distractions. 

It was for this reason that she had been unable to say no when he’d cornered her in the costumes trailer after work and murmured an invitation into her skin while he kissed her neck. She’d grabbed his hand and all but towed him to his car, thankful it was dark enough that nobody would be able to see the two of them leaving together (in somewhat of a hurry.) But tonight, she’d hurried home as soon as they wrapped before Matt could catch her because God help her, but if he offered she wasn’t sure she’d be able to say no. But she’d been _tired,_ and she’d just wanted to go home and get a good night’s sleep. 

So much for that idea, she thinks miserably as she lies in bed, hopelessly awake. 

She remembers the nights she lay awake like this after her first divorce, and then again more recently after the second, tossing and turning for hours because she was unaccustomed to being alone in her bed. It has been long enough now that she’d grown used to it again but tonight, as she lies exhausted but restless and awake, she thinks it would be much easier to sleep with somebody’s arms around her. She’d slept a hell of a lot better in Matt’s bed anyway.

She rolls over again and bundles the duvet close to her, curling up against it like she would another body. Alex sighs and forces her eyes shut, pretending she can hear the steady breathing of somebody next to her (it’s pathetic she knows, but it’s ridiculously late and she’s bloody _shattered_ ) and eventually, she finally drifts off. 

\--

“River…don’t you want to come with me?”

River sighs, burrowing into her small bed in her storm cage cell. “I’m tired. Need to sleep.”

“River…” The word is drawn out and his voice is low and close to her ear. Despite the fatigue she is feeling, she smiles as she feels his lips on the side of her neck. “Come on. The Tardis is waiting,” he murmurs, kissing below her ear.

“After, sweetie. Let me sleep first,” she mumbles into her pillow. 

Her Doctor huffs, and then she feels the bed moving behind her. She turns to look at him as he lifts the covers and clambers into bed with her. “I’ll sleep with you then,” he grins. 

“There’s not really room sweetie,” she chuckles. 

The Doctor just grins and wraps his arms around her, wriggling down to pull her backwards tight against his body. “We can make it work.”

She smiles and lets out a contented sigh. “Okay.”

They lay together like that, and River feels so warm and comfortable and deliciously sleepy that she doesn’t think she ever wants the move. The Doctor absently strokes his hands over her sides beneath the thin covers, running them up her body - naked, she notes, when he slides one round and flicks her nipples with his thumb. 

She wriggles back against him, his body feels so good against her own and she still feels tired but a steady heat is pooling in her stomach too. He smoothes his hand down over the flat of her stomach, dropping a kiss to the back of her neck through her mass of curls and she smiles again and moves a hand round behind her to grip his hip, scratching her nails lightly over the fabric of his trousers. He strokes down over her thighs and a small noise escapes her as she pushes her arse backwards, pressing against him. 

“Want you, Doctor,” she whimpers quietly and feels him chuckle into her hair. 

“Thought you were tired?”

“I am. Still want you,” she whispers, rocking back into him again. She grabs his hand to make her point, and guides it between her legs, parting them slightly as she presses his fingers into her folds, her own on top of his. 

“ _River_ ,” He growls into her ear as his nimble fingers stroke her over. “Mmm,” he hums in approval, “You’re so wet.”

The corners of River’s lips curl into a smile as she rocks her hips gently in time to his steady strokes. “All for you, sweetie,” she purrs back, and then gasps when he finds her clit and pinches it lightly. He teases her there for a few moments, flicking over the swollen little nub and circling it with the pad of his middle finger before he slides two fingers down and pushes them into her. 

She is panting now, gripping his hip again with one hand and the pillow under her head with the other as he moves his fingers within her, stroking her walls with a steady rhythm and it feels so bloody good, his warm lean body pressed into her back, his arms round her and his hand between her legs. River gives a little moan as his thumb presses to her clit and she feels a climax build with promising intensity inside her. 

“Oh, oh…” She pants out as she climbs higher and then she feels herself tighten around his fingers and a shudder runs through her whole body, and she arches in his arms as she releases, a desperate moan leaving her lips; “I love you Doctor!” 

He holds her while she trembles, stroking her gently until the last of her orgasm has been coaxed out and she relaxes, going still and panting heavily as she lies in his arms. 

She feels him gently kiss the back of her neck. “I love you too, my River,” he whispers in her ear, and she smiles. 

\--

Alex feels momentarily dizzy, until she gets her bearings and realises where she is. In her bed, alone, and it is… (she reaches out a hand and grabs her phone, squinting at it) 5.48am. 

The most pathetic whimper leaves her lips as she flops back down. She feels tears well in her eyes and start to slip down her face, and it’s not because of the exhaustion (although there is that too) but the dream she’d just come out of had left feeling strangely emotional. She doesn’t even know why she’s crying. She just is. She just feels…she doesn’t know. 

She sniffs, trying to get the Doctor’s voice out of her head, crystal clear and uttering the words, “I love you, my River,” over and over. She is jealous of River again, Alex thinks, because she knows as much as she tries to deny it and tell herself she is strong enough on her own and doesn’t need anyone, she wants somebody to whisper ‘I love you,’ in her ear too. 

It is pathetic, and so _stupid_ , because River isn’t even real and _she_ is River, she is a character that she plays and how can she want something a person has when that person isn’t even real? 

Crossly, Alex wipes at her tears and sits up, rubbing her face. It’s nearly six, her alarm is set for seven and there’s no way she’s going back to sleep now, and laying here trying is only going to cause her to keep thinking about that dream and let her get more miserable. So she opts for distraction instead, hauling herself out of bed with an early shower in mind, and then maybe several strong cups of coffee and crap telly until it’s time to go to work in the hopes she will be awake enough by then. 

\--

Despite the three large coffees with three spoons of sugar in each, Alex was not awake enough for work, she decides when it’s just gone ten and she’s already snapped at two people. The first had been Matt, and she didn’t feel bad because he’d been asking for it, teasing her about her dishevelled state and asking if she was still worn out from the night before (“If you can’t keep up with me Kingston you can just say, we can slow things down,” he’d quipped with a wink and she’d shot a glare at him and told him in very un-polite terms to go away.) The nice makeup lady however, really hadn’t deserved Alex telling her she should “Try doing these bloody long hours and see how perfect _she_ looked!” She’d only commented on the fact that she looked rather tired. 

Thankfully, she only has to work until twelve, and then they tell her they’re going to do the short scene Karen and Matt have alone together and that they don’t need her until around three. She feels dead on her feet and she wants to sleep, but doesn’t think she even has the energy to drive all the way back to her hotel and then back again, and as she thinks aloud, Matt pulls a key out of his pocket and hands it to her. 

She blinks. “What’s this?”

“My car keys - the key to my trailer is in the glove-box, go have a rest.”

She smiles up at him. “Oh - are you sure?”

“Course I’m sure, go and sleep - you look like hell.”

The grin disappearing, Alex gasps as Matt laughs and flings an arm round her shoulders. “I’m just kidding. You’re as gorgeous as always Kingston - even half-asleep.”

Alex elbows him in the ribs as she pulls away, but still leans up to press a quick kiss to his cheek before making her way out of the studios towards the car park, calling out a goodbye and see you in a few hours to everyone. 

Matt’s trailer is something of a mess inside, and she smiles fondly and rolls her eyes as she enters. He usually only uses it to crash when they don’t have long between shifts, or sometimes to sleep on breaks during night shifts, mostly favouring the flat he now has nearby to go home to after work, but it looks like he slept here last night, judging by the half a cup of coffee and empty bowl of cereal on the side and the unmade bed with his clothes on the floor at the foot of it. Alex is a neat person, and she feels an urge to tidy, but she looks at the large bed and the urge to sleep is much stronger so instead she kicks off her shoes and sheds her costume so as not to rumple it (can’t sleep in that damn corset anyway) laying it on a chair and sliding into Matt’s bed in her knickers. 

She burrows into the covers, and she is so tired it feels like the comfiest bed she’s ever been in. It smells of Matt, and she inhales deeply and shuts her eyes, and falls practically immediately to sleep with a small smile on her lips. 

\--

“River…River…Riverrrrr…”

Alex frowns as the voice drags her awake and she jumps a little, blinking sleepily at the face hovering over her own in confusion for a moment.

“Matt!? What are you doing?”

He grins. “Damn. Thought I might be able to give you another one of those naughty dreams.”

She laughs, reaching a hand out of the covers to smack his arm as she drags a hand over her face and yawns. 

“Am I needed back on set?”

“Yeah. Have a good sleep?”

She nods, dragging herself to sit upright and stretching a little. “Mmm hmm. Thank you for letting me use your trailer darling, I bloody needed that.“

Matt eyes the cover as she holds it limply to her chest. “Anytime. Are you wearing anything under there?”

She grins. “Corsets are not designed to be slept in, I would have suffocated. And you can wipe that look of your face; we need to get back on set.”

Matt looks thoughtful, and then grins and leans in closer to her, crawling up to join her on the bed. “I reckon we’ve got twenty minutes until they send out a search party.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively at her, and she giggles despite the hand that’s placed on his chest in a weak attempt to prevent him from moving any closer. 

“Exactly. I need to get dressed. And we need to walk over there.”

“That doesn’t take twenty minutes.”

“Matt…” She protests weakly as he moves closer, leaning her back as he presses a hand to the bed either side of her until she is lying flat and has nowhere else to go. He closes the remaining distance and kisses her, his mouth open and demanding, and God help her but she lets him. 

Alex hums softly into the kiss as she winds her arms up round his neck, vaguely thinking that she’s really too old to be messing around like this at work and if they get caught she’s risking not only her job but her public image and affecting her daughter and - 

“Did you lock the door?” She breaks from his mouth to utter breathlessly. 

“Yeah.”

There. Sorted. 

Content, she leans up to kiss him again, moaning a bit louder this time, and when he pulls back to bounce off the bed and quickly rid himself of his clothes she grins, slipping her hands beneath the covers to shed her knickers. “One might think you had this planned Mr. Smith,” she grins at him as he nearly trips in his haste to step out of his trousers. 

He grins back at her. “Would you be cross if I had?”

Alex quirks an eyebrow. “Did you?”

Matt just laughs, and now nude as her, clambers hurriedly beneath the covers with her and into her waiting arms. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he says cheekily before he kisses her again. 

Alex grins against his mouth as his tongue sweeps along the back of her teeth and she throws a leg over his hips, thrusting up towards him. Matt shuffles his body closer to hers on his side and winds one hand in her hair as the other slides down to cup and squeeze a breast, making her moan. She knows they really shouldn’t be doing this, they are both supposed to be on set dong their jobs now for God’s sake, but she just can’t help herself when it comes to him, he makes her feel so _alive_ and vivacious - and makes her want to take risks and do reckless things for the thrill it gives her. 

So, shoving all her trepidations to the back of her mind, Alex wraps her arms tightly round him and wriggles her lower body closer, thrusting herself against him and breaking from his lips to gasp when his hard length slides over her clit. 

“Quick, come on,” she pants. “Twenty minutes Matt.”

Matt is breathing as heavily as her and slides his hand from her breast over the dip of her waist and presses it to the small of her back as she arches against him. “Are you ready?” He mutters quickly. 

“ _Yes_ …fuck. Just get inside me,” she mutters back, breathless. Matt moves a hand to her thigh to hitch her leg up higher, and shifts them a bit so he is perfectly lined up to slide deep inside her with one stroke. 

She moans and arches her back, tilting her head back as he fills her. He doesn’t pause for long, both are aware of how little time they have and gripping her leg tighter, he begins a fast-paced rhythm with his hips which she matches perfectly with her own. It is quick and rough, and their teeth clash when their mouths meet and her hands slip over his skin, as slick with sweat as hers but it is _amazing_. 

The constant niggling thought that they have no time, no time and they _shouldn’t be doing this_ only sends adrenalin pumping through her at a dizzying rate. She slides a hand down to grip his arse, digging her nails into his flesh as she urges him deeper because they have _no time_ and she can feel her climax there, approaching steadily but it needs to be faster. Obviously sensing her urgency, Matt slides his hand up her thigh and between their bodies, his fingers quickly finding her engorged clit and rubbing her there in time to his thrusts as he shifts his hips and plunges deeper into her, hitting her just right inside. 

The two spots being suddenly stimulated perfectly at once sends Alex barrelling towards an orgasm and she throws her head back against the pillow with a cry, her nails digging in deeper to his skin. “Oh - Matt - I’m so close - are you -” 

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence because she reaches her peak and tumbles over the edge with a shout of pleasure, and she just makes out Matt muttering “Jesus Alex,” before her cries down him out and she clings to him as she rides out her orgasm. 

When she comes back to herself, Matt is limp inside her and panting just as hard as she is. He slips out of her as she drops her leg from his hip and rolls onto her back, trying to catch her breath. Matt rolls to lean over her, and grins that ridiculous lop-sided grin at her and she can’t help but laugh breathlessly. 

“Come on darling,” she says, patting his chest and moving to get up. “We better get dressed.”

“Just a second,” he says, grabbing her before she can get out of bed and pulling her back to press a smacking kiss to her lips. She wrinkles her nose as she giggles and shoves him away. 

“Clothes, now!” She points to them on the floor and slides her knickers on before she gets up on wobbly legs to retrieve her costume from the chair. 

“Yes ma’am,” Matt salutes her mockingly and she laughs and rolls her eyes, turning away from him to dress (not because she is shy, but because watching _him_ dress is sure to only distract her and they really need to get on set now).

They fumble with shaking hands to get their clothes on, and Alex finally gives up on the corset and moves over to stand with her back to Matt pointedly. 

He chuckles and obediently begins pulling on the ties of it as she holds her hair out of the way. Her mass of curls is an utter mess but she’d taken it down to sleep anyway, and she figures the hair department would have expected to have to sort it out for her again once she gets on set. She just hopes it looks convincingly like sleep-hair, and not just-had-sex-hair because she really doesn’t have time to attempt to sort it out. 

She feels Matt tug the top tie tight. “Done?”

“Hold on,” he mutters, “…yep. There we are,” he says as he settles two hands on her hips. “All River again.” He presses a kiss to the nape of her neck and Alex resists the urge to lean back into him. 

“Oh shush,” she chuckles, turning to look at him and lifting a hand to straighten his bowtie.

“And how do I look?” Matt grins. 

Alex smoothes her hands down the lapels of his tweed and tugs it together with a smirk. “All Doctor,” she winks. “Come on, we really better go.” They hurry out of his trailer and he locks the door behind them. “Do you think the search party is out yet?” Alex muses as they begin to walk briskly towards the studios. 

“Probably.”

She bites her lip and gives him a nervous glance _Bit late to be worried now Alex!_ He brain tells her scoldingly. “What are we gonna say when they ask why we’re so late?”

Matt just shrugs, grinning easily. “Tell them I wouldn’t let you fly the Tardis.”

She elbows him, but laughs.


	15. Chapter 15

Raising her hand, Alex knocks twice on his door. There is a grin on Matt’s face when he swings it open and she can’t help but smile back, holding his gaze for a moment as she brushes past him into his flat. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” Matt jokes as he shuts the door behind her. 

Alex chuckles, turning and eyeing Matt up and down, quirking an eyebrow at the joggers and stretched out t-shirt he is clad in. “Sorry I’m a bit early aren’t I? That is assuming you’re not planning on wearing that out to dinner?”

Matt frowns, his jaw dropping. “What’s wrong with this!?” He pretends to be offended, plucking his shirt as Alex giggles. 

“Oh you,” she chides him fondly, turning and making her way to the little kitchen area of his open-plan flat. “Take it I’m the first here?”

“Yep. Well - Kazza will be late, because she’s Kaz - and last I heard I think her and Darvill are sharing a cab so don’t expect him until quarter-to at least either. - Help yourself why don’t you,” he teases good -naturedly as she digs half a bottle of wine out of his cupboard and pops the cork out. 

“I will thanks,” Alex grins over at him cheekily as she roots around for a glass. 

The cast have the night off from shooting; they had wrapped just after lunch today and since their schedules are jammed full the coming weekend they’d been given the rest of the day off. The four of them, her Matt, Karen and Arthur had decided that the rare occasion should be celebrated - Arthur had been insisting they all do something together while Alex was with them anyway - and so they’d decided on going out for a meal. They were meeting at Matt’s flat, since it’s just down the road from the Chinese restaurant they’d agreed on in Cardiff (the posh sort of Chinese restaurant - the sort that won’t let you over the threshold if you’re wearing jeans or trainers) and walking there together. 

Alex pours herself a glass of wine after offering one to Matt, who’d shaken his head and pointed to the open can of beer on the coffee table (“I like how you’re offering me _my_ wine in _my_ flat Kingston,” he’d teased) and sips from it, leaning on the kitchen counter. She watches as Matt moves over to the ironing board currently situated in the middle of the seating area and resumes what he was clearly doing before she arrived. 

“Haven’t you even ironed your shirt yet Matt?” She laughs, “We’re meant to be leaving in five minutes.”

He waves a hand. “Told you - they’ll be late. Didn’t book the table til eight anyway so we’ve got plenty of time - bugger!”

“What are you doing?” Alex laughs. 

Matt frowns at the shirt. “Made it worse. Whenever I try and iron I always seem to end up with more creases than when I started.” He huffs and turns the shirt over, picking up the iron again. 

Alex sips her wine and watches him over the counter, giggling quietly, thoroughly entertained as he mutters curses and gets crosser and crosser with the shirt. 

“You know,” She can’t resist drawling after a moment, looking at him seductively over the rim of her glass when he looks up to catch her eyes. “It’s a shame you weren’t more organised…there’s a lot we could have done while we waited for them if you weren’t having to iron your shirt,” she teases.

Matt’s eyes momentarily widen before he huffs, looking back down at the ironing board and resuming what he’s doing. “Like I didn’t already hate ironing enough, cheers Kingston.” he grumbles.

Alex giggles again, sipping at her wine and entertaining herself with how utterly hopeless at it he is.

“ _Fuck!_ ” He suddenly yells, slamming the iron down and clutching his hand and Alex gasps. 

“Matt! Careful - God are you alright?”

“Ow, ow, ow. Yeah. Bloody stupid iron. Ow.”

She puts down her glass, and hurries to his side. “Oh, you daft man - the idea is to iron the shirt darling not your hand,” she says gently as she takes it in her own to inspect the damage.

“I _know_ that. Ouch. Bloody hurts.”

She pats his arm and pushes him away gently. “You’ll live. Go and run it under cold water, I’ll do this,” she orders as she takes his place behind the ironing board and picks up the shirt and iron. 

Matt grumbles as he moves across the room to the sink and sticks his hand under the cold tap obediently. Alex hums softly as she quickly smoothes out the creases in his shirt (he really _had_ made a mess of it, bless him) and after a moment, Matt speaks up. 

“How are you so good at that?” He asks in amazement as she runs the iron over the sleeve. 

She laughs and shrugs. “It’s a skill us women are born with?” 

Matt thinks for a moment then shakes his head. “Nah. My mum couldn’t iron to save her life. My dad used to do all our school uniforms.”

Alex laughs. “Guess I’m just naturally talented then.”

He shoots her the filthiest look then and growls in a playful tone, “Yes you _are._ ”

Alex smirks, and opens her mouth to flirt back when there is suddenly three cheerfully loud knocks on the door accompanied by, “Yoohoo, it’s us!”

Matt turns off the tap and hurries over to let their friends in. “Hey! Sorry we’re a bit late,” Kaz gushes as she bundles into the flat in a cloud of red hair and perfume. “It’s Darvill’s fault,” she blames, pointing her thumb at him over her shoulder. 

“That is _not true_ the reason we’re late is that _Karen_ had to try on ten pairs of shoes before she finally decided on the first pair she’d put on.”

The Scot huffs. “Well at least I made an effort.”

“I made an effort!” He claims, pointing to his v-neck knitted navy jumper pulled over a shirt. 

“Whatever Darvill,” Karen rolls her eyes then seems to finally spot Alex. “- Oooh! This looks very _domestic,_ look at that, only married five minutes and she’s already doing his ironing while he,” she waves at Matt, “does…whatever he’s doing.”

Alex laughs as she finishes up on the other sleeve.

“Matt tried to iron his hand, so I felt I should step in for his own safety.”

“It was an _accident,_ ” he grumbles. 

“Everything’s an accident when you’re around, darling.”

He huffs as Karen and Arthur laugh at him. 

“Here we are,” she proclaims, holding up his shirt. “All done. Now go and get dressed or we really will be late.”

She ignores Karen as she giggles and makes an ‘under the thumb’ motion to Arthur while pointing at Matt, turning off the iron and handing Matt his shirt. 

“Thanks dear,” he says, taking it from her with a grin. “You’re a good wife.”

She giggles, batting him off as he mockingly tries to plant a kiss on her cheek. “Oh shut up.”

Arthur groans dramatically from his place on Matt’s couch. “God it’s domestic bliss. Come on Karen let’s leave quickly, before they start bickering over whose turn it is to drive.”

Leaning over, Alex thwacks Arthur on the legs playfully. “Oh grow up, you,” she giggles, but can’t resist calling out, “Matt honey, did you lock the back door?” Causing the three of them to collapse into a round of laughter. 

When Matt emerges from the bedroom he is dressed with a grin on his face. “Stop snorting Darvill, you’re just jealous because your wife’s rubbish.”

“Hey!” Karen protests, offended. 

Arthur nods as he gets to his feet. “It’s kind of true Kaz. You can’t even cook.”

“I can so cook! I made pasta last week!”

“You also burnt it.”

“Well - yeah but I -”

“And you can’t iron,” Matt points out.

“And I hoovered for you yesterday.” Adds Arthur. 

“What - but I - I… _urgh._ ” She huffs. “I don’t wanna play this game anymore.”

Alex laughs as they move over to the door, looping an arm round the younger girl’s shoulders. “You boys stop picking on her. Honestly I don’t know how you put up with them full time.”

“ _Thank you_ Alex,” Karen says pointedly as they exit the flat. “I like it when she’s here - why can’t you be here all the time?”

Alex laughs and rubs Karen’s back fondly. 

\--

The walk to the restaurant had been short but Karen had wanted to get a cab and complained the whole way about the fact that they hadn‘t. Arthur had only countered it by telling her it was her own fault for wearing such ridiculous shoes and Matt had agreed by pointing out that Alex was wearing heels too and she wasn’t complaining. 

Now in the restaurant, they are shown to their table, a nice quiet one in a corner, with a cushioned booth type seat along the back wall and two chairs on the other side of the table for four. Alex settles herself into the corner of the booth and Karen tries to sit in next to her but Matt all but elbows her out of the way to slide in next to Alex. 

“Oi, that was my seat!” Kaz complains loudly and Matt just grins and sticks out his tongue. 

“It looked comfy. Not my fault you weren‘t quick enough.”

She grumbles about what an arse he is while she sits herself down on one of the chairs opposite and Arthur takes the other seat, rolling his eyes. 

“Alright children, would you like some menus?” Alex teases them as she plucks them off the middle of the table and hands them out. 

They chatter over the menus and Matt flirts with the waitress when they order which makes Alex and Karen look at each other, smothering grins and rolling their eyes. 

The bottle of red arrives, and as they all sip at generous measures, talking easily and happily, Alex finds out why Matt had been so determined to sit next to her in the booth. She glares at him pointedly when Karen and Arthur are busy laughing over something but he just shoots her a wink and strokes her thigh a bit more. 

Alex clears her throat and slips a hand beneath the table, pretending to listen to the story Kaz is telling them enthusiastically, smiling at the girl as she grabs Matt’s wrist and tries to pry his hand away from her. Matt is much stronger than her. 

She gives up as Karen tells the punch line, and Matt uses the laughter as an opportunity to slip his hand higher up her thigh and squeeze it, Alex’s gasp being lost in the noise. 

She forces out a chuckle and with a smile fixed firmly on her face, bows her head and hisses to him out of the corner of her mouth; “ _Stop it_ Matt! Anyone could see!”

He shoots her a naughty grin. “We’re in the corner,” he leans in to murmur. “And it’s dark.”

The laughter dying down, Karen peers at them from across the table. “What?”

“Oh,” Matt says lightly, picking up his wine glass with a grin. “Kingston’s just worrying we’re drawing too much attention to ourselves - but the paps never come round this way and so what?”

Frowning, Alex quickly goes along with the lie. “Oh, I just - I don’t want our night to be spoiled - next thing the headlines will be ‘Who cast on drunken night out’‘ or something.”

Karen laughs and elbows Arthur. “Sounds like a normal Saturday night in Cardiff.”

Alex determinedly ignores Matt’s hand resting warm on her leg for the next five minutes, throwing herself into the conversation. She sees him out of the corner of her eye trying to catch her glance several times but she pointedly ignores him. The food arrives and he is forced to remove it, and Alex begins her meal with a smug little smile on her face, thinking she’d won. 

Unfortunately for her however, that was not the case, as she finds out just a few minutes later when his hand is back, even higher up her thigh, his fingertips now stroking over her skin beneath the thin material of her skirt. Alex clears her throat and shifts in her seat pointedly but Matt does not remove his hand. 

The other three laugh at something Arthur has said and Alex quickly joins in, trying to forget about the hand on her thigh beneath the table, but damn it, it is easier said than done - especially when he starts to make little circles with his fingertips. 

The hand inches higher and she cannot help the heat that floods through her and pools between her legs as she thinks about his fingers stroking that same gentle but firm little movement over her - 

“I need the loo - excuse me!” She announces quickly in a high pitched voice, standing up. Matt however, does not get up to let her out and she is forced to shuffle past him, and he does not miss the opportunity to slide a hand over her arse with a smug wink as she does so. She shoots a glare at him over her shoulder before hurrying away. 

Alex takes her time to compose herself in the toilets, running hands that she loathes to admit are slightly trembling over her dress. How does that man do this to her with just the touch of his hand on her leg!? 

She calms herself and goes back into the restaurant, this time making sure to step purposefully on Matt’s foot as she slides past him into her seat, simply looking at him pointedly when he yelps. She sits down and pastes a smile on her face. 

“Oh - sorry darling!” She says brightly for Kaz and Arthur’s benefit. 

“S’alright,” Matt grumbles as she goes back to eating. 

Her warning, however, apparently had no effect whatsoever when the hand is predictably back on her thigh not thirty seconds after she sits down. She ignores it for a couple of minutes, eating quietly while the other three chatter over their meals, but when Karen turns to Arthur to laugh and agree excitedly about a film they’d seen the other day, Alex takes the opportunity to turn to Matt and mutter to him quietly. 

“Will you stop it!?”

“Why?” Matt says in a lowered voice as he grins snidely at her and squeezes her thigh. “Turned on, Kingston?”

She purses her lips, frowning. “It’s not funny Matt, you’re spoiling this damn night,” she hisses. 

“Oh,” he dances his fingers up towards her crotch and she frowns deeper and squirms. “ _That_ turned on, are you?”

_“Matt…”_

“You know, maybe we could just slip away for ten minutes and -”

Karen gasps from across the table. “Oh my God - he _does!”_

Alex and Matt both look over, startled; they had been so involved in their conversation they had evidently failed to notice Arthur dropping his chopstick and bending to pick it up off the floor - he had, of course, seen what was going on beneath the table and nudged Karen with an open mouth whispering in shock what he’d seen and pointing until she ducked down to see for herself. 

Matt pulls his hand away from Alex like she is made of hot coals as their friends gape at them from across the table. 

Karen’s shock turns to a smirk and she raises surprised eyebrows. “Something you two want to tell us!?”

“What?” Alex answers automatically as her face floods red and panic runs through her. “No! No, no, I - that - it wasn’t what it looked like -”

Arthur too, raises his eyebrows. “So…Matt _wasn’t_ just feeling you up under the table?”

“What?” Matt chuckles nervously. “No - well, I mean, yes - obviously I was but…”

“What?” Alex squeaks. 

“ - But it doesn‘t mean anything!” He continues quickly, shooting a panicked glance at her. “We always flirt and it was just a bit of fun, I - I was only messing around, right Kingston?” Another nervous chuckle. 

Alex glances at their friends, watching them, still with shock but now also knowing looks and small smiles finding their way onto their faces and oh God, their secret was out and this was terrible because it was never meant to mean anything and now Karen and Arthur knew and it was all _terrible_ and this is _all Matt‘s fault…_

Alex scowls, suddenly cross, and she blurts out the first thing that comes to her mind. 

“No - you know what Matt - I don’t know what you’re playing at lately. I’ve tried to be polite because we’re colleagues and friends but you’re really taking this too far now. I’m not interested, and it’s not appropriate, alright? Please stop it.”

Matt gapes at her, his face stricken, and Alex immediately feels utterly horrified with herself. 

Yes she’d _meant_ to put the blame on him because it had been his fault that Kaz and Arthur had just seen what they had, but she had panicked and hadn’t thought through the first idea that came to her head before those words tumbled from her mouth. 

He stares at her for another horribly silent few seconds that feel like hours, and across the table Karen and Arthur are obviously shocked into silence too, and Alex just stares back wanting to swallow back everything she’d just said. 

Finally, Matt puts down his chopsticks and gets to his feet, wiping his mouth with a napkin before throwing that down too. He turns, and walks away towards the exit without saying a word. 

They gape after him for a pause before Karen shouts, “Matt! Wait - you can’t - don’t just go - Matt!”

He marches out of the restaurant and Karen pushes back her chair to go after him but Arthur takes her arm with a muttered, “Kaz - you won’t catch up to him. Let him go.” Arthur shakes his head, glancing sympathetically at Alex. “He should have known better.”

Karen sits back down, looking dejected, and Alex looks down at her plate of food she no longer feels like eating.

“I’m sorry,” she apologises quietly, and Arthur reaches over to pat her hand. 

“Don’t apologise - it’s not your fault. You were right to tell him straight if he’s been -” he breaks off and shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. He’ll get over it.” He offers her a kind smile. 

It makes Alex feel even worse.


	16. Chapter 16

The rest of the meal passes with considerably lowered spirits. There is silence while the three remaining finish their meals, and then the conversation is quiet and subdued. They finish up their drinks and after splitting the bill and calling a cab, leave the restaurant. 

As they stand outside, arms hugged tightly round themselves against the cold, Alex clears her throat. “Hey listen, uh…I feel I should apologise about what I said to Matt, you know…making him leave. Kind of ruined the night didn’t it?” She says quietly and feels like an awful person when Karen rubs her arm. 

“Don’t be daft Alex, I mean…he’s a good mate but I know he can be a cocky bastard sometimes. Probably did him good to be put in his place.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault - if he’s been coming on to you, you did right thing by telling him how you felt about it.”

Alex feels like crying and shakes her head fiercely. “No but - he hasn’t - not really - I mean - he just flirts - and I flirt back and…and it was nothing serious and I _know_ that, I really blew it out of proportion snapping at him like that.” She puts her head in her hands. “God I feel terrible.”

“Alex - don’t be silly, it’s his own fault!” Karen tells her. “If you’d already told him to back off and he was touching you like that, that was…that was bad. Can’t believe he did that actually,” she adds, looking down, her brow furrowed like she’s trying to get her head round it. And of course, he _hadn’t_ done it - not how Karen thought anyway, and Alex feels like a dreadful person for making Matt’s closest friends think badly of him. 

“No,” she insists, shaking her head. “It’s not his fault, it’s not. He didn’t - it really wasn’t like that…”

The cab pulls up beside them and Arthur touches a hand to her arm. “Don’t worry about it, alright? Come on, cabs here.”

Alex sighs, taking a deep breath and shaking her head. “You go, I think I’m gonna walk.”

“You sure?” 

“Yeah - my hotel’s not far from here.”

Karen nods and gives her a quick hug. “Okay, see you tomorrow then yeah? And don’t worry about Matt, he was a twat and he’s just got a bruised ego, he’ll get over it.”

“Yeah I’m betting he’ll be right as rain tomorrow,” adds Arthur. “See you in the morning.”

Alex nods. “Okay. Yeah see you then.”

She waves them off and then takes a deep breath and starts in the direction of Matt’s flat. 

\--

“Matt?” She knocks again. “It’s me…please open the door. Matt?” Another knock, a bit louder. “Come on, I know you’re in there.” 

She knocks again a few times, calling out his name before sighing and leaning her head on the door. 

“Matt…” she speaks into the wood. “I’m _sorry_ …please let me in so I can apologise…Matt?”

She is greeted with silence.

She tries for another five minutes before giving up and solemnly trailing back to her hotel. 

\--

When Alex dreams that night she is River again, and whispering ‘I love yous’ in between silent tears and lingering kisses as she clings tight to the Doctor. She’s not sure what all the emotion had been about, but when she wakes she finds her cheeks as damp as they had been in her dream, and she turns her face into her pillow, unsure what she is crying for. 

\--

Alex gets to work fifteen minutes early in the morning, and sits in her car in the still dark car park, nursing a cup of coffee. Matt pulls up just before six-thirty and she gets out and hurries over. 

“Oh,” he says, stopping short when he climbs out to come face to face with her. 

“Matt -” she begins as he turns to shut his door. He makes to walk off but she grabs his arm. “Please, can we talk?”

He avoids her eyes. “I don’t really feel like talking.”

“Matt…please. We have to work together today you know we have to sort this out.”

He huffs and keeps his face turned away from her. 

“Darling,” she tries, “Come on. I said I’m sorry. Please…”

He turns a gaze on her then, frowning. “No you didn’t.”

“What? Yes I did - several times if I remember, maybe if you’d actually opened the door…”

“What?”

“What?”

“What do you mean opened the door?”

“Last night. When I came to your flat.”

He looks surprised. “You did?”

Alex frowns. “How could you not have heard me? I knocked on the door and called through it for about ten minutes Matt.”

His eyebrows raise higher. “You _did?_ I - I wasn’t in.”

“…Oh.” She looks down, feeling herself flush. “Well now I feel silly…where were you?”

Matt looks sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck. “Went to the pub…”

 _“Oh._ That’s why you’re wearing these…” She plucks at the sunglasses covering his eyes and he scowls and bats her away. 

“Shut up,” he mumbles, turning and beginning to walk towards the studios. A horrible image of Matt sitting alone in a bar drowning his sorrows because of what she’d spitefully said to him grips Alex and makes her chest clench uncomfortably. Another image quickly follows of him taking his frustrations out in another way, sitting in the bar with a faceless young blonde on his lap, locked in an embrace and her chest clenches even more. She swallows. She liked the first image better. 

“Well listen,“ she says, hurrying to keep up with his large strides. “You need to know that I am sorry…I was just cross and I didn’t think before I blurted that out and it was horrid and I’m sorry.”

“Alex -” He cuts her off, stopping and sighing. “It’s fine, alright? You said what you had to and…don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

She watches him carefully, speaking gently. “The way you left the restaurant last night implies it really wasn’t _fine_ …”

He sighs and looks away, she can see his jaw tighten. “I was just angry,” he mumbles. “I probably deserved it.”

She shakes her head. “You didn’t. Not in front of our friends. God…” She puts her face in her hand. “And now they think…ugh. It was an awful thing to say…”

Matt looks at her for a moment before speaking quietly. “So tell them the truth then.”

She looks up from her hand sharply with wide eyes. “What?”

He rolls his eyes and begins walking again. “See?” He mutters bitterly. “Guess they’re just gonna have to keep thinking I’ve been sexually harassing you.”

“Matt…Matt!” She hurries after him, grabbing his arm again. He tries to shrug her off but she hauls him to a stop. “ _Matt!_ Please…please don’t,” she begs, looking up at him with wide eyes. “You _know_ we can’t tell them the truth - I told you darling - we can’t have anybody knowing about this…this _thing_ between us. It’s…it’s bad enough that we’re doing it, if our friends find out then -”

“Alright, yes, I know.” He snaps. “I just don’t see why you had to put the blame on me.”

“I told you - I’m sorry - I didn’t _think _before I said that and it was awful and I’m really sorry…please Matt…”__

He looks at her for a moment, his face dark and unreadable before he finally speaks. “What ‘thing’?”

“What?”

“What _‘thing’_ between us? We don’t have a ‘thing’, do we? We’ve just shagged a few times.”

Alex frowns. “What’s your point?”

“My point is, you asked me to stop it, Alex. So fine, stopped.” He yanks his arm roughly out of her grasp and turns to walk briskly off towards the studio. 

“Matt!” She stares after him, mouth open. “What are you - don’t just walk away - _Matt!_ ”

He spins back to face her, walking backwards as he throws his arms up. _“What _, Alex? Walk away from what? It was nothing, right?”__

“Matt - you’re being ridiculous - wait -”

He turns and marches off. 

Alex stands in the middle of the car park, feeling like she’d just lost something she never even realised she’d had. 

\--

A couple of hours later, she is sitting outside the studio with Arthur and Karen while they both have a quick fag, all three now in costume and waiting to be called in. 

“We need to quit this habit Kazza,” Arthur tells her across the picnic table as he struggles to light up in the strong welsh wind. “It’s bloody freezing out here.”

Karen kicks him lightly under the table. “Go inside then you big baby.”

Arthur sighs. 

Kaz takes another drag. “Has anyone seen Matt?”

Arthur shakes his head. “No, not since I saw him in costumes first thing. 

Alex clears her throat, squirming in her seat. 

Arthur glances over at her sympathetically. “He’s probably still sulking - you need to stop feeling bad about it Kingston,” he says gently. “Matt deserved what you said to him.”

Alex sighs, leaning her elbows on her table and putting her head in her hands. “Oh Arthur please don’t.”

“Yeah you know,” Karen adds, “If he’s been pestering you like that Alex and you’ve tried to politely put him off you didn’t really have a choice but to tell him straight.” She reaches over to rub her arm. “He’ll get over it, don’t worry.”

Arthur nods. “Actually he bloody deserved it - I thought he respected you more than that to be honest.” He shakes his head and Alex swallows, feeling her throat tighten with tears. 

“Yeah,” Agrees Kaz with a small frown on her face. “I’m surprised he even had to the balls to try it with you in the first place -”

“No!” Alex suddenly exclaims, rendering them both quiet. “No, no, it wasn’t like that I - what I said…I didn’t mean it, I - I just said it because - I made it up.”

They both frown at her in confusion. “What do you mean?” Karen asks curiously. 

Alex takes a deep breath, looking down at her hands on the table, her brow furrowed. She really didn‘t want to do this but she couldn‘t let this go on any longer. They were Matt‘s two best friends and she couldn’t bear them to be thinking ill of him unjustly like this. “We’ve been sleeping together,” she admits quietly. “Matt and I. I didn’t want you to know and that’s why I panicked and said what I did - but it was awful of me…and I can’t let you think that about your friend.”

When all is silent for a few moments she glances up to see them both looking at her with matching stunned expressions. 

“Oh.” Karen finally utters. “Um… for how long?”

Alex shrugs, flushing a bit as she looks down again. “A little while, since… during the hiatus. When he came up to visit me in LA.”

Karen’s eyebrows shoot upwards. “That’s not a little while Alex that’s _months!_ I can’t believe he didn’t tell us - I can’t believe I didn’t _guess_ , oh my God. You two are good!”

“Kaz,” Arthur mumbles, elbowing her. 

“What? They are - I literally had _no idea_ \- well, they _were_ good I suppose, until Matt decided to feel her up in a public restaurant.”

Arthur puts his head in his heads and Alex winces, feeling embarrassed. 

“Sorry,” Karen mumbles. 

Alex fidgets. “Um… so there we are. Now you know.” She looks up at them, biting her lip. “Talk to him, please?”

Karen nods, reaching across the table to place a hand on hers. “Course we will. And you know - don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with us - right Darvill?”

“What?” He says, still looking a bit stunned. “Oh, yeah, yeah. Course.”

Alex shakes her head, sighing. “Not much of a secret anymore, we… it won’t be happening again.”

Karen laughs. “Alex, I’m sure once he finds out you’ve told us the truth he’ll forgive you, it really wasn’t that terrible.”

“No, no,” she shakes her head. “It… it was stupid. It was never meant to go on like it did and it didn’t mean anything. It just - it’s stupid, you know? Getting into things like that with colleagues. It just complicates things.” She sighs. 

Work affairs always _did_ complicate things, serious or not, and the risk of them ending badly was always there. She knows now she’d been bloody stupid to ever indulge her ridiculous fantasies with Matt and she was lucky if she hadn’t totally wrecked her working relationship with him. “I just hope he’s gonna speak to me again, is all.”

“Course he will Alex,” Arthur says. “Just tell him, you know, that you told us the truth and I’m sure he’ll be fine. I should probably apologise for the text I sent him last night too…” He adds thoughtfully. 

Alex’s eyes widen. “What did you say?”

“Oh - just…quite impolitely told him what I thought of him for trying to mess with you,” he mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Alex is torn between feeling incredibly guilty and very touched by the fact that Arthur obviously cares enough about her to have a go at his best mate for upsetting her. 

“Oh God…” she mumbles, rubbing her face. “I feel awful, but… that was sweet of you, darling, and I appreciate the thought. God you must hate me too,” she mumbles miserably.

“Of course we don’t hate you Alex,” Karen touches her hand again. “You’re blowing this all out of proportion. You just panicked and said something on the spur of the moment. It’s fine, alright?” She gives her a kind smile and nods her head in the direction of the studio. “Go and find Matt.”

Alex bites her lip and then gets to her feet, nodding. “Okay. I’ll see you inside then?”

“Yeah,” Kaz nods 

“Good luck,” Arthur adds, and Alex gives them a weak smile as she climbs out of the bench. She pauses before she walks off. 

“You two don’t think it was… you know, weird? Me and Matt? You know… because of the age gap?” She asks timidly because, frankly, she’s utterly shocked at how easily they both seem to have taken the news in their stride (although maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet.)

To her surprise, Karen snorts and Arthur chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Don’t be daft Alex,” Karen says. “You’re just…Alex. And he’s Matt. And you two so obviously adore each other, why should it matter who’s older than who?”

Alex goes a bit red but suppresses a smile as she looks down, tucking a curl behind her ear. “I wouldn’t say I exactly adore the man, I mean I’ve always been fond of him but really…”

“Oh - go and find Matt,” Karen waves her off, laughing,.

Alex rolls her eyes and manages to give her a grin and a wink, quipping, “Yes mum,” before turning and heading towards the studios, hoping she can salvage what’s left of their friendship.


	17. Chapter 17

Alex is unable to find Matt before they begin shooting that day, although he appears as soon as they are all called in to begin. She tries a few times to speak to him between takes but it isn’t easy on set amidst everything, and with ears all around them. Matt is falsely cheerful to her (she assumes for everyone else’s benefit) but every time she approaches him he makes some sort of excuse and hurries away to chat to Kaz or Arthur or one of the crew. 

When they break for lunch she manages to grab hold of him before he scurries off set and pulls him aside. 

“Will you stop avoiding me for two minutes?” She hisses when they are out of earshot. 

“I’m not avoiding you,” he mumbles.

“Oh really? Where are you rushing off to in such a hurry then? It’s lunch.”

He shrugs her hand off his arm. “I need to…pop down the road. To Tescos.”

“Why?”

“Because, I need - it’s none of your business Kingston!” He snaps.

Alex takes a deep breath, looking down. “Okay… I probably deserved that. But listen, I know you don’t want to talk to me but you need to know that - that I told them. Karen and Arthur. I told them that what I said wasn’t true…” She fidgets and Matt sighs and runs a hand through his hair. 

“I know,” he mutters quietly. 

She looks up in surprise. “You do?”

He nods, avoiding her eyes. “Yeah… Kaz told me this morning.”

“…Oh.” Alex looks down again, and swallows. “And you still don’t want to talk to me. Okay…”

He sighs. “Alex, it’s not… look it’s probably just best if things just go back to how they were before, yeah?”

Alex feels her throat tighten, and swallows again. This was what she’d decided, of course. But hearing it from him… he is obviously still hurt and cross with her and it gives her an uncomfortable feeling inside. She shakes her head, and then nods, a frown on her face. “No, yeah, yeah, I think so too…”

“Okay,” he mumbles. “Well good. I’ll see you after lunch then.”

She nods, and opens her mouth with the intention of asking if things were okay between them but Matt turns on his heel and strides off before she has a chance. 

\--

Matt doesn’t speak to her at all between takes for the second half of their day, and as he laughs and chatters with Karen and Arthur, Alex stands on the sidelines feeling utterly ostracised. 

She doesn’t manage to catch him after work, and goes home that night feeling downhearted and empty. 

When she goes to bed she tosses and turns, unable to find any sort of rest, replaying the day’s events and the scene in the restaurant last night over and over in her head. She doesn’t know why she’s letting all this affect her so much, like Matt had said, they’d just shagged a few (a lot of) times; it never meant anything. But Matt, lovely Matt, is and always has been a good friend and someone she’s dearly fond of, and she thinks what’s upsetting her is that she knows she has probably messed all that up for the sake of sex. Fantastic sex, but still just sex.

She can’t let this happen, she could hardly act with him today for worrying about how things were between them, and she can’t lose him as a friend because something she’d started in the first place had ended badly. 

Sitting up in bed, Alex grabs for her phone off the bedside table, and squinting at the light of the screen in the dark room, she pulls his name up in her contacts and presses ‘call’ with trembling fingers. 

It rings and rings and she thinks he isn‘t going to answer, and is just about the put the phone down, feeling like an idiot for calling the poor man at this time of night when, “’Lo?” His voice is hoarse and thick with sleep and Alex bites her lip, feeling bad. 

“Matt, hey - listen I’m sorry for calling so late but I just had to talk to you -”

“Alex?” He rasps, sounding confused. “It’s…three in the morning…?”

“I know. I’m sorry. Matt, I can’t sleep; we really need to talk -”

“Jesus Alex, call back in the morning,” he grunts crossly and sounds like he is about to hang up. 

“Matt - wait!” She yelps quickly before he can put the phone down. 

He gives a sigh of annoyance into it. “What?”

She licks her lips. “Will you just let me apologise for what I said in the restaurant?”

“You already have.”

“I know. But properly. Because please listen darling…that just slipped out and I felt so bad the second I’d said it because I know I had no right to blame you like that -”

“No, you didn’t. If I remember rightly, you were the one who knocked on my door and jumped on _me_ in the middle of the night in LA, if it’s anyone‘s -”

“I know, I know!” She interrupts him quickly, feeling her throat start to tighten and ache with tears threatening to fall. “Matt…I told them the truth…”

“Yeah, eventually,” he mutters. 

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter how bad you felt, you wanted to keep letting them believe what you’d said - they’re my best mates Alex!” He says, and he sounds genuinely angered and upset and it makes tears burn more fiercely in her eyes. 

“But I didn’t - I told them -”

“Only because you thought I wouldn’t speak to you again - I had to ask you to tell them!”

Alex lets his words sink in, and feels this tears start to spill down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly. 

Matt sighs harshly. “Look it’s fucking late and we have to be up in about three hours. Just…go to sleep, alright?”

“Matt, wait! I just panicked alright, I know I should’ve -”

“Alex,” he snaps, interrupting. “It’s 3am! Look, we’ll…we’ll talk tomorrow, alright?”

Alex’s vision blurs and more tears fall onto her duvet. “No, but…Matt, I just…” She breaks off as a small pathetic sounding sob leaves her lips and she knows she is being ridiculous and overly emotional as usual, and it‘s just bloody late and she hasn‘t had any sleep and she‘s getting herself stupidly worked up. “I’m just…I’m really sorry, and I just, just,” she sniffs again, and knows her voice is thick with tears. 

“Alex - God - are you _crying?”_

“I’m sorry!” She cries. “I’m sorry, I just-–” another sniff. “I’m overtired and I can’t sleep because of this thing and -” she hiccups back a sob. “And I never meant to hurt you and -” another sob, “and I feel so bad, Matt…”

“Bloody hell,” he hisses down the line. “Alex - Jesus. Stop crying, you’re being ridiculous.”

“I know!” She wails. “I’m sorry! I just - just -”

“Alex - _Alex!_ ” He talks over her, making her pause and sniff again to listen. “Calm down, please. Christ.” He takes a deep breath, sounding stressed. “It’s okay, alright? It doesn’t matter, let’s just forget about it all, yeah?”

“No but -” she give a hiccup and takes a breath before blurting out everything in one go. “But it does matter because I knew it was always a bad idea and now things are never gonna be the same and it’s all because of me and I’m so sorry we should never have started it and I should know better and now, now…” She gasps in a mouthful of air, chocking on more tears. 

“Alex - Alex - _breathe,_ you’re - you’re blowing this out of proportion….”

Matt sounds utterly lost on the end of the line and she feels even worse for breaking down on him like this, which only makes her cry harder. 

“I’m sorry, I know, I shouldn’t have called, God…” She takes in deep breath, failing to choke back another sob. 

Matt is quiet on his end of the phone for a few painful seconds as she cries softly until; “ _Fucking hell_ ,” he swears, and she hears a sudden shuffling down the line. “I’m coming over. I’ll be there in ten, alright?”

“What?” Alex gasps, suddenly sitting bolt upright. “Matt - don’t be _ridiculous_ \- it’s three in the morning. Oh God…I’m fine…” she gives another small hiccup as fresh tears slip down her cheek at the realisation that she’d upset Matt as well with her silly emotional breakdown. 

“Yeah, you don’t sound it.”

“No - no, no - I’m alright,” she says thickly through tears. “You can’t come over, it’s the middle of the night!”

“Yeah well I’m not going back to sleep now, am I? Just - stay there, I’ll see you in a minute alright?” 

She hears the sound of a door opening and then the line goes dead. 

Alex turns on the light and drags herself to the bathroom, yanking off a handful of loo roll and pressing it to her face as she tries to get a hold of herself. 

She manages to force herself to stop crying after another couple of minutes, and splashes her face with cold water with shaking hands, feeling utterly, completely stupid. When she opens the door ten minutes later, her eyes are still rimmed red and she is aware what a complete wreck she must look. 

“You didn’t have to come,” she whispers hoarsely, feeling awful as Matt moves past her into the house, clad in joggers and an old t-shirt and jacket, hair a total mess and eyes tired. He shrugs the jacket off. 

“Well I’m here now,” he mutters, looking at her. Fresh tears well in her eyes and Matt’s shoulders slump and he moves over to embrace her. Alex clings to him, utterly embarrassed as she sniffles quietly and her tears soak into the shoulder of his shirt. “Come on,” he mutters quietly after a moment. “You need to sleep.”

Alex lets him walk her back through to the bedroom off the main suite and obediently clambers under the covers when he motions to them. Matt strips off his shirt and kicks off his shoes and slides in next to her, pulling the covers up over them. 

“Are you staying?” She asks quietly. 

“If you want me to.”

She holds tight to him in response, burying her face in his chest and not knowing what this means, just damn glad that he is here. 

“Why did you come?” She whispers quietly after a moment. 

Matt huffs. “Damned if I know. I just…” his fingers absently stroke patterns on her arm. “You were upset and…I couldn’t just leave you like that.” He sighs, and then after a small pause admits quietly in a voice that is soft and timid, “I care about you, you know.”

She does. She does know that, she’d known that for a long while, even way before all this started. Like when they were shooting series five all staying in a block of flats and he’d come over at eight in the morning on their day off because her heating had broken due to a blown fuse and fixed it for her. Or last series when he’d watched Salome on a Saturday night so she could go on the ‘girls night out’ the female members of the cast and crew had planned, despite already having agreed to attend a party. Or that time he’d cooked her dinner and listened to her moan about her ex all night after she’d been upset after an argument over the phone with him. 

Or when he’d sent her flowers in LA after he’d upset her by sending her the text her daughter had got hold of. 

That is what makes it all so much worse; that she’d known he’d cared and she’d been as fond of him before she began all this, but still she’d dived in head first, not caring about how it might end all because she’d been a bit horny and he’d been convenient. It was all because of those damn stupid dreams she wished she’d never started having. 

Alex swallows, and replies quietly. “Even though I was a bitch?”

He rubs her arm a bit more. “You weren’t.” He sighs. “I probably overreacted. Was my fault anyway I suppose. Let’s just forget about it, yeah?”

She nods gratefully. 

She doesn’t know what any of this means but she is glad to be in his arms that night, and after a few more minutes of his even breathing and steady heartbeat in her ear, she slips into a deep exhausted sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

When Alex wakes, she frowns in confusion at the silence she is greeted with and realises her alarm isn’t going off and she seems to have woken naturally. Which is odd, both that she is awake before her alarm and doesn’t even feel tired considering she didn’t get any sleep until nearly four in the morning, and it is then she realises that there is light behind her eyes, and gasps, opening them and sitting upright. Daylight is streaming in through the thin curtains and she flails, looking for her phone to find the time. 

On the bedside table next to her phone though, there is a note, and, confused she grabs it and begins reading quickly. 

_Alex,_

_Sleep as long as you like, you need it. I’ve spoken to work and told them you have a migraine (and don’t worry, I said you called me this morning asking if I could bring painkillers over) and they said not to worry, we can work on your scenes later. I’ll come and get you at lunch time._

_M ._

There was a dot after the M like he’d been going to put something else (maybe an x?) but decided against it. 

Alex bites her lip, glancing at her phone to find it is quarter to midday. She feels well rested and knows she needed that sleep; that had been unbelievably sweet of Matt, and especially after she’d dragged him out of bed at three in the morning and had an emotional breakdown on him. 

Deciding not to think on it too much, knowing it would only embarrass her to recall her behaviour, Alex hauls herself out of bed and heads to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, figuring she’s still got time to sit down for a little bit before she needs to get in the shower. 

Matt rocks up just before half twelve however, and she is just getting out of the shower. When he knocks and calls through the door she looks down at the towel wrapped round her wet body and falters, before shrugging and deciding he’d seen a lot more of her anyway. 

“Hello,” she says quietly when she opens the door. 

“Oh - hey.” He eyes the towel. “You’re already up.”

She nods, tucking a wet curl behind her ear as he enters the suite, two drinks and a carrier bag in hand. 

“I brought you a latte but I guess you’ve already had coffee,” he mumbles, holding it out. 

She smiles a bit shyly and takes it from him. “Yes but you know I’ll never say no to coffee darling. Thank you.” She sips at it as Matt moves over to the small kitchen area and plonks down his bag on the counter, starting to unpack it. 

“What’s that?”

“Lunch.” He holds up a sandwich with a grin.

Alex bites her lip, moving over to stand before ,him, nursing her latte. 

“Hey, Matt…thanks for this morning, you know, covering for me at work.”

He shrugs. “S’alright. You were exhausted, didn’t even stir when the alarm went off and I got up.”

“And…I’m sorry for, you know…last night.” She looks down, fiddling with the cardboard cup. 

Matt pauses in opening the sandwiches. “It’s alright.” He says quietly. “That was probably all my fault. I mean you apologised and…I was just being an arse. I’m sorry.”

“No,” she shakes her head, reaching across the counter to place a hand on his with wide eyes. “No, no, it wasn’t your fault, it was mine, all of it was mine.”

Matt sighs. “Look let’s just…forget it, yeah?”

Alex nods, a little unsurely, as he holds up the sandwiches. “Tuna mayo or chicken salad?”

She smiles. “Whichever. You choose.”

Matt shrugs and hands her the opened tuna mayo one, peeling the top off the chicken salad. 

Alex takes it gratefully and wanders over to curl up in the corner of the sofa with it, tucking her legs up underneath her. Her towel is damp but she doesn’t really care; she is too hungry to bother getting dressed first. She sets down her latte and tucks in to the sandwich as Matt makes his way over, thinking that she really doesn’t deserve this treatment. 

He eyes the towel a bit as he sits down at the other end of the chair and she quirks an eyebrow at him. Matt clears his throat and looks down at his sandwich and Alex also quickly looks away, remembering that things weren’t like that anymore, and she wasn’t going to be receiving the cheeky comment she’d just expected. 

She clears her throat. “How did it go this morning?” She asks around a mouthful of sandwich because she has to say _something._

“Oh - yeah, good,” he nods. “We finished the bit in the Tardis, you know, before River gets there, so that’s good.”

“They didn’t mind about me not being in then?”

“No it was fine.”

She nods. “Good.”

They converse a little awkwardly about work while they finish eating, and then Alex gets to her feet and pats her still wet hair. “I better get dressed. When do we need to be on set?”

“Two. - Here,” Matt says, also getting up and taking the empty sandwich wrapper and cup from her. “I’ll stick these in the bin.” 

“Oh - thanks,” she says, her eyes flickering up to his as their fingers brush when she hands them over. She clears her throat and withdraws her hands, smoothing palms that are a little sweaty over her damp towel. Her throat is suddenly dry and she clears it again, following him over to the kitchen area in the corner of the suite to get a glass of water. 

Matt closes the cupboard with the bin in and straightens just as she is reaching for the tap beside him, and he obviously doesn’t hear her come up behind him because he spins and bumps straight into her. 

“Shit - sorry - ow,” he curses, his hands flying out to her arms to steady her. 

“Sorry - my fault,” she gives a small laugh, resting her hands on his arms as his grip her elbows. “Although you always seem to be bumping into things so maybe I should blame you,” she teases lightly. 

Matt gives her a small grin and lowers his voice. “True, but I can’t say I mind when it’s you I‘m bumping into,” he says and Alex feels her breath catch as his eyes drop to her body just briefly. 

She realises they are still holding each other’s arms and she drops her hands, but Matt slides his from her elbows up over her biceps, his eyes suddenly dark, and she makes the mistake of glancing at his parted lips and then suddenly their mouths are open against each other and her hands are fisted in his shirt. 

She squeaks into the messy kiss as he pushes her back against the counter, their tongues tangling together furiously as he grips her arms so tight she is sure she will have bruises. Her hips buck forwards into his and he groans into her mouth, one hand sliding from her arm to the middle of her back to press her even tighter against him as she devours his mouth greedily. His other hand moves to her breast which he squeezes over the towel and she pulls back from his lips for air, and that is when their eyes lock and they both freeze in their frantic movement, panting heavily and flushed as they stare at each other with wide eyes. 

Alex snaps out of it first, shoving him back and tucking the towel round her tighter. “Fuck, Matt…we said we weren’t going to do this anymore,” she mutters, avoiding his eyes as she fiddles with the towel. 

“I know, I know,” he pants, smoothing back his hair, with a hand she notices, when she risks a glance up, is trembling as much as her own. 

“It’s… we’ve seen how wrong it can go, we really can’t…” she pleads, not sure who she is trying to convince. 

“I know, it would be stupid, after…”

“The other day,” she finishes, nodding, still short of breath, arms hugged round herself. It would be incredibly stupid, she knows that; she’s damn lucky they are even still on speaking terms after what had happened between them and now she wants to go jumping into bed with him again…

“Just…” Matt looks up at her, with a crease in his brow, and he swallows, stepping closer and lifting a still shaking hand to touch his fingertips lightly, tenderly to her face. “…once more?” He utters quietly, stepping closer still. “You know, as -”

“Matt…” Alex draws back slightly, looking at him in warning. She is still backed against the counter and he moves closer until their bodies are pressed together and she has nowhere to go, and leans in until his face is just inches from her own. 

“Please Alex?” He breathes, his hand dropping to her neck.

“We can’t,” she whispers back.

He shakes his head in agreement, a frown on his face. “Shouldn’t,” he utters, scarcely a whisper, moving, if possible, closer still and she searches his eyes, sure they are mirroring the lust in her own, staring at him carefully for several seconds, her heart pounding so loud in her chest she can feel her body quaking with it, and then a whimper leaves her lips and she surges forward, closing the gap between them to kiss him fiercely again. 

“Just once,” she breathes against his lips, and he nods, kissing her back before trailing his mouth down her neck as she throws her head back. 

“Once more,” he pants, and she nods, fully aware that what she is agreeing to is never going to be one more time. 

Matt lifts her up all of a sudden, making her squeak with surprise as she finds herself sat on the counter, and then his hands are all over her as he peppers kisses over her collarbone and down her chest until he gets to the top of the towel. He tugs at it, yanking it away from her body to fall to the counter at her sides and suddenly she is naked before him, and she moans at the realisation, spreading her legs and hauling him forward to stand between them. 

Alex isn’t thinking, she can’t think, she can’t do anything but grab his hand and push it between her legs, bucking her hips forward eagerly as his long fingers stroke over her slick sex. She yanks at his shirt, but realises him removing it would involve his hand leaving her and two of those talented fingers are now curled inside her and she has no intention of letting that happen, so instead she goes for the fastenings on his trousers. 

She has them ripped open and shoved down along with his pants in seconds, and then her small hand is wrapped greedily round his hard length, squeezing and stroking in a rhythm that is anything but patient. 

“Ungh, Alex,” Matt pants, his fingers stilling inside her as he drops his head forwards to her shoulder, panting harshly, and with her other hand wrapped around his shoulders she feels all his muscles tense up. She grins and flicks her thumb over the tip of his cock, making his hips jerk towards her, and then he pulls his fingers from her and is grabbing her wrist and yanking it away, sliding his hands to her bottom and hauling her to the edge of the counter so he can take himself in hand and slide deep inside her. 

She throws her head back as he enters her and both his hands are on her arse again, squeezing tightly as he pushes into her. His hips pull back and then snap forwards again and it is anything but gentle but bloody hell, it is _perfect._ She gasps as he thrusts into her again and hits her perfectly inside, and already she feels pleasure build in the pit of her stomach. 

Her hands cling tight to his shoulders as she curls a leg around his waist and arches her back. Matt takes the opportunity to bend his head and take a hardened nipple into his mouth, biting at it lightly before swirling his tongue around slowly and sucking it into his mouth as his hips continue to snap back and forth. A hoarse moan escapes her as she throws her head back, mouth open as pleasure burns through her body until she feels like she is on fire. 

Clutching at the material of his shirt, Alex’s cries grow in volume as she climbs higher and closer to her release. Matt’s mouth parts from her chest so he can gasp in air and he straightens as he alters his angle slightly and drives deeper still inside her, leaning forwards to push a hand into her still wet curls and pull her mouth to his for a frenzied kiss. 

His other hand is still on her arse, his nails digging in hard now as he kneads her flesh in time to his thrusts, but God, the sensation feels so good and only makes her moan into his mouth, trying to suck on his tongue as he strokes it furiously over her own. Matt’s other hand slides from her hair to her neck and down to her chest where he cups a breast and pinches her nipple, clearly knowing how it will bring her closer to the edge. 

“Matt!” She cries out against his mouth as she bucks up towards him, arching into his hand at the same time. She is so close, so close to letting go, and Matt feels so perfect inside her and against her and all around her and she hooks her leg higher around his waist as he thrusts deep, so deep inside her and he pinches her nipple again and she is almost there…

 _“Alex,”_ he grunts, his mouth against her ear, breath hot and voice thick and hoarse. “Fuck, you’re so perfect. So fucking gorgeous baby, I love - …love you like this…” he gives a pleasure filled groan after his words and it is enough to tip Alex over the edge. She screams as she comes, her head thrown back and body shuddering as her whole world crashes down around her and she knows nothing but the man inside her. 

When she goes limp against him, Matt’s arm is tight round her back, his hips still pumping, and Alex moves weak shaking hands down to his arse, gripping tightly to thrust herself up to meet him, feeling her inner muscles still contracting around his length, and after a few more seconds he too lets go, and comes inside her with a hoarse cry of her name, hips jerking until he is spent. 

She smoothes soothing hands over his back as he pants heavily, head tucked into her shoulder and body trembling as much as hers. 

“Matt,” she speaks hoarsely after a moment when neither of them make to move, her voice just above a whisper. “We need to get to work honey…”

He nods against her skin and lifts his head to press a lingering kiss to her mouth before he slides out and steps back from her, starting to tug his clothes together. Alex hops off the counter, grabbing the towel and wrapping it round her sweat-slicked body. 

“I need another shower now,” she laughs a bit nervously as she pushes damp curls back from her face.

Matt smiles. “Sorry.”

She shakes her head once. “I think it was worth it,” she chuckles. “Okay I’m gonna…you know. Get dressed,” she tells him as she starts to back towards her room, trying not to think about how bloody delicious he looks all rumpled and completely shagged like he does right now. “I’ll be as quick as I can. Um - help yourself to whatever.”

Matt nods and she smiles before turning and hurrying away to her room, knowing she doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of staying away from that man. 

\--


	19. Chapter 19

Alex and Matt agree on their way to work, that in light of what’s happened, it’s best if they keep their relationship strictly platonic and professional from now on. She sneaks a sideways glance at him and sees the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips and wonders if he is as aware as she that they are both blatantly lying to each other. 

Karen bounces over as soon as she walks into the studio and pushes a cup of tea into Alex’s hand, asking how her head is with wide sympathetic eyes and Alex is a little surprised Matt had told them the lie too. She smiles and tells her the migraine’s gone and she’s fine, and Karen offers to walk her over to costumes, and leads her out to the trailers, chattering loudly about the morning. 

As soon as they are out of earshot however, the younger girl turns to her. 

“So you and Matt…it’s all fine now? I mean - I assumed it was because you know, you called him up this morning when you weren’t well but he won’t tell me a thing about anything - just keeps snapping at me to mind my own business - I only care about my friends jeesh. But…it’s fine?”

Alex sighs and nods. “Yeah. We um…I called him last night and we had a long chat and sorted it out.”

“Oh good.” Karen looks relieved. They reach the costumes trailer and Karen shakes her head as she glances over at Alex. “Still can’t believe you two have been sleeping together and I had no idea,” she says, sounding still utterly shocked about it and Alex can’t help but grin. 

“Like you said,” she says, pausing at the steps. “We’re _very_ good.” She winks at Karen before climbing up and into the trailer. 

\--

A day and a half is how long they last. A day and a half before Matt texts her at eight in the evening, asking if she wants to come over to run lines with him. She doesn’t even think before replying with a ‘sure be there in a bit’, and knows damn well she isn’t changing out of her old comfy clothes and into a skirt and tight blouse and re-applying her make up to go and run lines. 

“Hey,” he greets warmly when he opens the door, raking his gaze down over her. “You look nice.”

“Hello - thank you,” she smiles stepping inside to hug him in greeting which really wasn’t all that necessary when she’d only seen him not three hours ago. 

“Mmm,” he hums into her hair, “Smell nice too.”

She pulls back to grin at him, and they don’t even get to ’come in,’ and ’do you want a drink?’ Before they are pressed together, kissing and touching like they have been starved of it, both muttering about how this is a terrible stupid idea all the while they undress each other. 

Matt pins her to the door and hoists her up so she can wrap her legs round his waist, and when he tries to continue trying to get the rest of her clothes off while they kiss furiously and she keeps slipping, he holds her tightly and stumbles across the room with her to throw her down on the sofa. 

She giggles as she bounces with Matt on top of her. “That was quite impressive sweetie.”

He grins down at her as he hooks fingers under her knickers and tugs them down. “Prepare to be even more impressed Miss Kingston,” he grins cockily as he slides down her body. They don’t say anything else to each other, apart from half-incoherent exclamations of pleasure, for the next long while. 

Afterwards, when they lay sweaty and panting, she smoothes hands down his back and speaks into his hair, his head nestled in the crook of her shoulder.

“I only have just over two weeks left of shooting here,” she says softly, her voice a little hoarse from all her cries. 

Matt gives a groan of displeasure, and turns his head to kiss her neck. “Don’t remind me.”

“Just…until I leave. Yeah?”

He kisses her again. “Okay,” he whispers into her skin. 

Alex smiles, content, and shifts beneath him, letting her eyes slide shut as a satisfied smirk dances on her lips. 

\--

The next day, Karen tries to invite them all over after work for a good piss up (her exact words.) Arthur nods, resigned, and a couple of the crew agree to go and Karen tells them some of the girls from makeup had also agreed but Matt shakes his head. 

“Sorry Kazza, I’ve gotta learn lines.”

“ _What?_ ” She demands, outraged. “That’s a pathetic excuse - come on!”

“No, seriously,” he shakes his head. “I still don’t know them for what we’re shooting tomorrow, I’ve really gotta sit down and go over things tonight, sorry. Another time though yeah?”

“Well that was stupid,” she grumbles. “Why haven’t you learnt them til now idiot face? Ugh. Alex!” She calls out quickly before she can make her escape to her car. “You’ll come over tonight won’t you?”

“Er - headache,” she gives her an apologetic smile. “Think I might have another migraine coming on, I could do with just having an early night to be honest…see you tomorrow though, yeah?”

Karen looks disappointed but waves as she retreats. “Yeah, okay. Feel better.”

Alex nods, and as Karen turns away to holler to one of the crew members across the car park, she shoots a wink at Matt before turning and hurrying away to her car. 

Matt grins when he opens his door to her that evening. “I actually do need to run lines you know. Since we didn’t actually get to do any last night.”

“What a coincidence,” she smirks back, slinking past him into his flat, waving the bottle of wine she has in one hand and the script in the other. “I do too.”

They sit together on his sofa, glass of wine in hand and scripts open in their laps and run through the scenes they both need to learn, reading them from the pages first. Matt makes her giggle by doing Karen and Arthur’s parts in ridiculous accents and eventually she has to slap his knee and tell him to pack it in because she can’t take any of it seriously. 

After a while when they think they have the first few scenes they need down, they leave their scripts on the chair and act them out in Matt’s living room. Alex has a agreat time, strutting around his flat and flirting with him in full on River-mode (perhaps a little more extreme than she will dare to flirt on screen) and Matt just grins at her and waves his sonic and flirts back. 

Satisfied with knowing those parts, they break for dinner, devouring the pizza Matt had ordered straight from the box plonked between them on the sofa and sipping at Alex’s wine. 

“Alright,” Matt says once they are finished, putting the pizza box on the coffee table and brushing off his hands to pick up his script. “Where were we…” he mutters as he rifles through it. “So, shall we run through this last bit with Amy and Rory, and then we just have the last scene in the Tardis when I’m dropping you back to Stormcage to do right?”

Alex nods, flicking through her script and taking another sip of wine before clearing her throat to begin. Her and Matt don’t have much dialogue in the scene before so it doesn’t take them long to learn that one, and Matt turns to page asking if she’s ready to move on to the last scene, before starting to read it out loud. 

Alex clears her throat pointedly. “Um - darling,” she interrupts with a small smirk playing about her lips. 

He pauses in his reading, looking up in surprise. “What?”

“You’ve missed a scene out.”

Matt’s eyebrows knit together in confusion and she nearly laughs out loud at his face.

“What - no I haven’t - you say goodbye to Amy and Rory, we leave them there and enter the Tardis and I’m putting in the commands - here,” he points at the script, holding it up. 

Alex just smirks at him and quirks an eyebrow. “That’s not what is says in _my_ script.”

“What?”

She looks down pointedly, flicking back through the pages as she takes her bottom lip between her teeth to hold back a wicked grin. 

“Huh? What are you - gimme that.” Confused, Matt plucks the script from her hands and shuffles through it, almost immediately faltering, and she delightedly watches his eyes bulge as he scans the pages in question. After a few seconds he looks up at her slowly, a grin finding its way onto his face. 

“You kept it?” He says in a delighted low tone. 

Alex winks. “Of course I did. Best part of the script.”

Matt is outright beaming now, looking giddy as he stares back down at the script, his own typed pages that he’d sent to her months ago in LA slotted neatly in just where they were meant to fit, between the two last scenes, and stapled there with the rest like that was where they always had been. Of course - she’d done it quickly when the idea occurred to her before coming over, and she was certainly intending to pick the staple out and remove the pages again before tomorrow but… it was something she just hadn’t been able to resist. 

“Well,” Matt says after a moment, shuffling closer to her so they can share her script and glancing over at her with a devilish grin. “Let’s begin then, shall we?”

She giggles and nods, and doesn’t tell him that she could probably act it all out without the script no problem. 

They speak through the first couple of lines before Matt jumps to his feet and pulls her up with a cheeky, “You know - I think this scene is best learnt practically, don’t you?”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Alex purrs with a little laugh. 

They begin again, using Matt’s hardly-used dining table in the corner as the Tardis console the Doctor is supposed to push River on to, and there is much giggling as they fumble around kisses and undressing each other while trying to remain in character and refer to the script Matt is still waving around in one hand. 

“Wait - wait!” Alex pulls back from his mouth with a gasped laugh as Matt pushes a hand inside her knickers. “You’re meant to take them off first - look!” She giggles, jabbing a finger at the script. 

“Oh,” says Matt, moving to do so immediately. “Beg your pardon Doctor Song,” which causes Alex to dissolve into another round of giggles. She is not much better two minutes later when she shoves a hand inside his pants and wraps it round his erection before taking his shirt off first like she was supposed to, and she snorts when he complains and tells him she’s adlibbing. She delights in directing him the next minute though, pushing his head down pointedly when he moves to mouth at her breasts, opening her legs wide and telling him he had to sweetie, it was in the script. Matt doesn’t seem to mind at all as he sinks down on his knees before her and she slips out of character once more to giggle about him taking direction so well before moaning out ‘Doctor,’ and cooing ‘sweeties’ and ’my loves’ at him until he makes her come screaming just like he was supposed to.

Alex hauls him up to her and kisses him furiously before Matt breaks it to chuckle into her hair. 

“I think maybe we need to relocate - not sure my dining table is sturdy enough to withstand what the Doctor’s supposed to do to River on the console.”

Alex throws back her head and laughs. She nods, taking his hand and hopping down; he did make a very good point - the small flimsy table had been rocking rather precariously with just the (granted, quite enthusiastic) movements she was making with her hips before, she’d hate for it to give way at an inopportune moment. 

Matt pulls her to him and kisses her passionately again as they stumble through the room, and the script is disregarded, forgotten as Matt tears his mouth from hers to grab her hand and drag her through to his bedroom with a grin. Bundling into the room, they tear frantically at each other’s remaining clothes, and although the script is tossed on the floor in the other room, they still call each other River and Doctor between kisses and moans and breathless laughs as they rock and grind together on his bed. 

When he finally spills deep inside her after drawing another earth-shattering orgasm from her body, he growls, “Oh my bad, bad girl,” in her ear and she grins, and gasps back a, “Yours sweetie, all yours…”

She curls into him when he pulls out and rolls off her, and drops a few lazy open-mouthed kisses onto his chest before laying her head down with a sigh. As much as she shouldn’t, she knows she’s going to miss this like hell when she leaves in two weeks, and now that she’s made up her mind she’s going to damn well make the most of it while he’s here, and to hell with the consequences. She can worry about all that after she leaves. 

She smiles, her eyes sliding closed in contentment and she lets out another deep breath. 

“Alex,” Matt nudges her and she makes a sleepy sound in reply. “Alex.”

“What?” She mumbles from where her head is pillowed on his shoulder, a little disgruntled at having being disturbed from her deliciously sleepy sated state. 

“I really do need to learn that last scene.”

She sighs. She is so comfortable and, as much as she enjoys running lines with Matt she really doesn’t feel like getting up and doing more work. 

“So do I.” She mumbles. “We can just do it at lunch tomorrow, it’s only short.”

“But what if they decide to switch round and shoot it in the morning? You know we can’t go in not even prepared.”

Alex sighs because she knows he is right, and it’s not like it’s an unusual occurrence for their days schedule to change for whatever reason in the morning. It would be _terrible_ if she and Matt didn’t even know their lines. 

“I know, I know.” She sighs, rolling onto her back and stretching. “Where are the scripts then?”

And so, once he’s grabbed them, they talk out the scene naked in Matt’s bed, sheets wrapped loosely round them, facing each other with crossed legs. And when Matt gets up completely starkers to actually act out his part, using the bed as the Tardis console that he bounds around manically, hauling at imaginary levers, Alex laughs so much her sides hurt and tears tumble down her cheeks. 

\--


	20. Chapter 20

“Oh, sweetie,” River breathes as the Doctor presses her gently against the console, kissing her neck. He runs his hands down her sides, settling them on her hips and tugging her close to him. River fists two hands in his tweed and clings to him as he nips and sucks at her collarbone. He lifts her, placing her on the console and she smiles, curling a leg round his waist and using it to tug his lower body tight against her so she can grind herself against the bulge in his trousers. 

“River.” He murmurs against her neck, voice low and intense. “I’ve wanted you for so long… let me make love to you…”

River wants to point out that they do this all the time but his hand slides up to squeeze a breast at the same time as he sucks on the nape of her neck and the thought is lost. She moans, arching into him, and the Doctor lifts his head to look deeply into her eyes as he lays her gently back on the console, and the console is soft beneath her back and they are on a bed, the Doctor crawling up over her. 

He runs his hands up her body and her clothes melt away and suddenly she is as nude as he, and pushing her chest up towards him eagerly as he bends to take a nipple into his mouth. 

She writhes beneath him, begging and pleading in desperate whispers as he sucks at her, swirling his tongue and scraping his teeth just lightly, enough to make her mewl as her legs fall open to cradle his hips. 

“You’re perfect River,” he lifts his head to tell her softly, dropping a kiss the side of her other breast. “Gorgeous.” He drops another kiss to the underside. “And I love…” he kisses the tip of her pebbled nipple, “Every inch of you.”

A smile coming to her lips, River looks down at him affectionately as she runs a hand through his hair. “It’s mutual my love,” she whispers, and then with a sudden surge of energy, rolls them, catching him off guard so he is left blinking under her as she settles herself over his hips. She leans down to speak into his ear; “Now what was this about making love to me?” She murmurs, taking the lobe into her mouth. 

“I was just getting around to it. Impatient,” he chides her fondly.

“Always.” Smiling down at him, River takes him in her hand and sinks all the way down on his deliciously hard length, humming in pleasure as it fills her. They begin to rock in a slow rhythm, exchanging soft kisses and touches until the Doctor rolls them onto their sides so he can hitch her leg up over his hip and thrust deeper into her body. 

River clings tightly to his back, whimpering softly, and when his free hand finds its way between them and his fingers find her clit she shudders and moans, dropping her head to his shoulder and squeezing her eyes shut. 

“Doctor,” she utters breathlessly, “I love you!”

She feels him drop a kiss to her hair and hold her thigh a little tighter; moving his mouth to her ear to murmur softly, “I love you more than anything in this universe River.”

It tips her over the edge, and her body contracts around his as she sobs into his shoulder, the orgasm washing through her gently but perfectly, so it is more just of a sense of pleasure as her head swims in stars. 

She lies in his arms, both of them panting and sated, and she leans up to kiss him, winding her fingers up through his hair and humming softly into his mouth. She feels a sense of total peace, and as he pulls back to kiss over her face until his mouth reaches her ear and breathes, “I’ll always love you,” River never wants to be anywhere else. 

\--

When Alex awakes suddenly, flailing a bit until she realises where she is (as she often does when she comes to so quickly from those deep dreams) the first thing she notices with a start is that she is not alone in her bed and this is strange - she hasn’t ever dreamed like that while sleeping with Matt - not that she can remember anyway. 

She is then relieved to note that he is still sleeping - soundly, snoring just a little with his mouth open and she smiles fondly. If she had said anything out loud she hadn’t woken him at least. 

She sighs, shuffling closer to his slumbering form and nestling herself into his side. She feels herself filled with the familiar emptiness she gets after one of those dreams now, because more often than not, they aren’t just filled with sex and pleasure anymore, but whispered words of love and wonderful feelings like she isn’t meant to be anywhere in the universe but in the arms of the man she is with. 

Alex is sure she knows why this is, she has worked it out. Before, when the dreams first started, it had been, well… quite a while since the last time she’d had any sort sexual encounter with anyone. Her body had been in need, and that was what caused her to start having the vivid sex dreams; it was what she was aching for. 

Now… she certainly wasn’t lacking in that department. She is a little ashamed to admit she’s probably had more sex in the last couple of weeks than she’d previously had in the last two years, and so, she doesn’t need to dream about it anymore (although it seems it has become something of a habit of her brain.) What Alex misses, what she is starved of, is having that kind of closeness with someone; she misses being loved. And being _in love._ Her last marriage had ended painfully but sometimes she remembers when it hadn’t been so bitter between them, and she had lain in Florien’s arms at night and just felt _loved._

And now she has this… this _thing_ with Matt, it’s bringing back all those now painful memories. 

She cuddles into Matt deeper, burying her face in his shoulder and inhaling his distinctive scent, pretending he is someone else, someone who loves her - and she knows that’s pathetic but she feels lonely, especially after dreams like that one and sometimes she thinks she just wishes… she wishes things were different. Matt is just so… so… _Matt._ She thinks she could do it. Be with him. If things were different though - which they weren’t. Matt wasn’t for her, nor she for him and never could be and Alex knew this well enough not to let herself dwell on such silly thoughts. 

She sighs heavily again, sniffing back silly tears as familiar depressing thoughts like _‘I’m going to be alone the rest of my life,’_ start to spin round her head. She bites her lip, looking up into Matt’s face in the dark, his expression peaceful and breathing deep and even. 

She nudges him gently. “Matt?” She whispers. 

He doesn’t stir and she nudges again, whispering a bit louder. “Matt?”

He shifts a bit but still doesn’t wake and Alex pauses, studying him carefully. She feels bad for waking him up but she knows if she lies here alone now there’s going to be nothing to prevent all those empty feelings she has from manifesting inside her, and she can already feel a tightness in her throat that is threatening to turn into tears. 

She shakes him, _“Matt!”_

Jumping a little, Matt shifts and blinks his eyes open, looking at her in confusion. “Wha - Alex?” He pulls himself up a bit in the bed. “What’s wrong?”

Alex feels guilty and bites her lip again. “I’m sorry darling,” she whispers gently. “I just… I can’t sleep.”

Matt blinks again, still looking a bit dazed. “Oh.”

Still biting her lip, she runs a hand down his torso, flattening it over the taut muscles of his stomach, and watching his face carefully, she leans up to kiss him slowly and deliberately. 

After a moment, she feels Matt’s grin against her lips and he breaks the kiss to mutter, “ _That’s_ what you woke me for?”

Alex bites her lip, embarrassed, and moves back avoiding his eyes. “Sorry…”

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” he grins, and she looks up at him with a bright smile before leaning down to kiss him again. 

She opens her mouth over his and he complies easily, letting her slip her tongue past his lips and stroke along his own as she kisses him slow and sensually. She shifts, slipping a leg over his hips without breaking the kiss and manoeuvring herself until she is straddling him, and they both moan quietly into the other’s mouth as their bodies press together. 

She’d meant to do this quickly. A good, rough shag was what she really needed to get all those silly emotional thoughts out of her head, and then she’d hopefully be tired enough to fall back into a dreamless sleep, but as Matt shifts under her, his hands sliding gently up her sides and into her hair and his tongue meeting hers with equal tenderness, Alex cannot bring herself to change the pace of this; it all feels so deliciously perfect. 

Keeping one hand in her hair, his fingers lightly massaging her scalp as he kisses her until she is practically purring into his mouth, Matt’s other hand slides down her back, tracing invisible patterns on her skin before gliding round her hip and between their bodies to slip into her wet heat. She whimpers into his mouth before breaking form his lips to pant a bit. Shifting her hips backwards after a moment, causing his fingers slip from her, she settles her sex over his and slides herself over his quickly hardening length. 

_“Alex,”_ Matt murmurs softly, his eyes squeezing shut as his hand flies to her hip and fingers dig in. She thrusts herself a couple more times, humming quiet at the sensation, before she slips a hand down to wrap it round his cock and guide it inside her. They both breathe out deeply as she slides down on him and she stills a moment, her body pressed to his, nipples hardened against his chest. 

As she begins to move, rocking her hips in a gentle rhythm, his hand rests on her hip, encouraging but not spurring on her movements, and the other grips a gentle handful of her curls to bring her mouth down to his again. As she kisses him, he strokes her hair, combing languid fingers through the mass of curls and Alex hums in ecstasy into his mouth as she moves steadily with him. Matt’s other hand slides from her hip down her thigh, before settling at her knee, his fingertips stroking in behind it in small light circles, tickling just enough to make her smile against his mouth. 

_Damn it_ , this was not how this was supposed to go. This is all so soft and sweet and instead of expelling the feelings and emotions her dream had left her with, it was playing on them, magnifying them, making her _want_ them even more. This is so achingly perfect and Matt is touching and kissing and moving with her so tenderly she can easily imagine right now that it is something it isn’t. As he continues to stroke her hair and tugs her gently down to kiss and suck softly at her neck as his hips grind up into hers and his other hand caresses her thigh she feels cherished and… loved. And that is somewhere she really doesn’t need to go because she knows in minutes reality will hit her because this is just _Matt_ , and she’ll be just as alone as she was before and it will _hurt_ pretending like this. 

Matt is sliding the hand on her thigh upwards towards where their bodies are joined and taking over, pressing a fingertip to her clit as he increases the force of his upwards thrusts but not the tempo - and Alex can tell he is close and clearly wants to bring her with him; Matt is possibly the most considerate lover she has ever had and that is something else that makes it all the more painful that none of this is _real_. 

He shifts suddenly, rolling them to twist her beneath him gently so he can take over fully as he thrusts deep inside her, his other hand cupping her face as he leans down for another deep kiss. 

A few more thrusts and, despite her distraction, she is there, the pressure of his fingers stroking over her clit coupled with him buried deep inside her and his naked body pressed to her own is too much to bear and she falls apart in his arms, gasping. She feels Matt’s hips jerk into her, as if her climax has sparked his own and hears him groaning in pleasure in her ear, his head falling onto her shoulder as one hand tightens in her hair and it all feels so perfect and beautiful, and she feels so amazing. 

Matt finally collapses on top of her with a sigh of utter contentment, lazily kissing her neck as his hands stoke her sweating, trembling form, and she is brought back to the real world with a suddenness like icy water splashed in her face as she remembers what this is; this is nothing and she wants _everything_ and… and suddenly to her utter horror, she realises she is crying. 

Obviously feeling her body shudder, Mat jerks his head up to look down at her. “Alex!?” He sounds alarmed, freezing on top of her. 

She opens her mouth to reply but instead a quiet sob comes out and, looking panicked, Matt quickly slides out and moves off her, sitting up to look down at her in alarm as she turns her face away in embarrassment at the tears slipping down her cheeks. “Shit - Alex,” he places a shaky hand on her face. “Did I hurt you? Oh fuck, I’m _so_ sorry…”

Gasping, Alex shakes her head. Lifting a hand to wipe at the tears as she moves away from his hand. “No, no, it’s not… _God_. I’m sorry…” she whispers. 

Placing his hand back on her cheek, Matt leans back down on his elbow next to her, looking down into her face with concern that makes her even more embarrassed about her sudden emotions. Bloody hell. This was the second time she’d cried on him since yesterday. 

“Alex… what is it?” He asks gently, sounding and looking so genuinely concerned it makes her feel more upset. 

Sniffing hard she forces herself to get a hold of herself. 

“God. I’m sorry darling, I’m so sorry, I just…- I’m being stupid and emotional for no reason I just - I’m just tired,” she tries to explain herself, completely mortified. 

Matt looks worried and she feels even worse. He must think she’s an emotional wreck - if this didn’t send him running for the hills she would be amazed. They’d agreed on the occasional (frequent) shag and here poor Matt was having to cope with her having a breakdown on him for the second time. 

“Alex…” He brushes hair from her face and she tries to move away from his touch, turning her face further away and wiping crossly at her cheeks. “Please tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” she mutters. 

“It’s obviously something. Is it the reason you couldn’t sleep?”

Hesitating, she nods. 

“Did I… have I upset you?” He says, and she is baffled by the anxiety in his voice. 

“No - no, no,” she shakes her head. “It’s not you, it’s… I’m just… feeling a bit emotional.”

“Why?”

Alex sniffs, frantically trying to come up with something plausible.

“I don’t know, I… I just - I spoke to Salome before I came over and… and had an argument with Florian. And I just _miss her_ …” She trails off, dissolving into quiet sniffles again. It is a blatant lie - not that she misses her daughter because she _does_ , every damn day she’s not with her, but she hadn’t spoken to her since the morning and she hadn’t spoken to Florian at all. “And - and I guess I was just… feeling a bit emotional about it all - before I woke you up. God, I’m so sorry…”

Matt looks at her with understanding and it makes it even worse. “Alex.” He says, looking relieved. “You don’t have to be sorry. You’re only human. Here,” settling back down next to her, he pulls her to him. “Come here,” he says gently, tucking her into his warm embrace. 

Him holding her close like this - like she means something to him, like this is something it isn’t - only makes it all worse and fresh tears slip down her cheeks. She cuddles into him, pressing her face into his shoulder as he strokes soothing patterns over her back. 

She calms after a couple of minutes, the tears stopping, although she still can’t look at him for humiliation.

She sniffs hard, letting out an embarrassed sort of laugh. “This is awful,” she apologises quietly. “This… this was only supposed to be sex. And look at me, crying all over you like this…”

To her surprise, Matt chuckles back. “It doesn’t matter that we’re having sex, Alex. I’m your friend first, always have been. And I care about you. Always will.” She feels him drop a kiss to her hair. “Try and get some sleep,” he murmurs. “I’m here.”

Her heart melts a little at his words, never more glad of his friendship and she nods, curling herself tighter into his warm embrace and… pretending.


	21. Chapter 21

On set the next morning, Alex is chatting to Arthur, script in one hand and cup of tea in the other while they wait as Karen and Matt shoot a scene. Arthur is currently gloating about his short day - after lunch, Alex and Matt are shooting their solo scenes for the rest of the day so both Arthur and Karen are only in for a half day. Steven is on set today, and as Alex whacks Arthur good-naturedly and tells him to stop rubbing it in, their producer wanders past them with a cheery, “Morning!”

They greet him back, and he goes to move on when he pauses. “Oh - hey Alex, can I borrow that quickly?” He says pointing to her script. “I’ve put mine down somewhere and it’s wandered off.”

Alex smiles. “Sure,” she says, handing it to him.

“Cheers - I’ll be back in moment,” he says, wandering over to the director as he flicks through the pages and Alex waves him off and tells him to take his time, resuming her conversation with Arthur.

She forgets all about it, until twenty minutes later when Steven finds her again, strolling towards them, holding the script up. “Oh - thanks,” she says, reaching out to take it, but Steven holds onto it.

“Actually Alex - can I have a quick word?” He says as he reaches them, glancing at Arthur, the corners of his mouth curving up a little - and Alex knows that look. That look that says Steven knows something everybody else doesn’t - and oh does he enjoy it.

“Sure - I’ll catch you later Arthur,” she says as she gets up to move away with him.

Arthur waves them off, rolling his eyes and muttering something along the lines of “Always gets to know _everything…_ ” and Alex grins and drops her voice excitedly as she walks with Steven.

“Please tell me you have more secrets to tell me? Because I have to admit I’m missing being able to wind the others up…”

Steven laughs as he stops with her in a corner sufficiently away from where anyone might overhear them. “Sorry - I haven’t. Not right now anyway.”

Alex is surprised. “Oh. Well then…is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, it’s just er…” Steven looks down at the script in his hand, flipping a couple of pages. “I um…” He looks like he is trying desperately not to burst out laughing as he hands it to her. “I don’t remember writing this…”

Panic floods through Alex and her face goes white as a sheet. She numbly reaches out to take the script, staring down in horror at the words that Steven indeed had not written. Then her face goes red as the shame and utter mortification floods through her. Then comes the anger, at Matt for writing the bloody thing and at herself for forgetting to take the goddamn pages out.

“I…I um…look Steven, it‘s not what you think - ”

“It’s not half bad - unfortunately I don’t think the BBC will allow us to use material like that but it’s pretty good - have you ever considered becoming a writer?” He teases, and Alex knows if she could bear to look up into his face she would see it split wide with a grin.

“It’s not - I didn’t - I didn’t write it…” She stammers out.

“Hey, I’m not judging,” he laughs, holding his hands up.

“No but - I didn’t - I…Matt wrote it!” She blurts out, because bloody damn it she is _not_ being blamed for this! She would never be able to look him in the eye again. “As - as joke. Stuck it in my script. I er…forgot to take it out. Obviously.” She gives a nervous laugh.

Steven looks dubious and amused. “Some joke.”

Alex laughs again, false and high-pitched. “Well you know Matt. He’s a cheeky sod - think he was trying to fluster me but I’m afraid it takes more than that,” she laughs another nervous, faked laugh and hopes to God her face is not as scarlet red as it feels right now.

A very awkward pause ensues between them as Steven looks at her carefully and Alex tries to look anywhere else until Steven clears his throat. “Alex…” He waits until she is forced to look up at him and the grin is gone from his face, instead he is looking at her seriously. “Has it occurred to you that…well…it might not have been a joke?”

Alex’s eyes widen and she feels herself flush again. “What! Of course it was!” She tries to laugh it off again but Steven shakes his head.

“Maybe this was Matt’s way of…” He frowns, looking thoughtful, and leans in to drop his voice as he confides in her; “It’s pretty obvious he thinks a lot of you, I always thought it was a bit of a crush but…you don’t think maybe he’s trying to say -”

“No!” She squeaks out. “No, no, no!” More nervous laughter. “That’s ridiculous Steven, honestly, _Matt?_ Matt is _way_ too young to be interested in me!”

Steven just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“I am! I am sure, it was a joke,” she desperately insists. “This was just a ridiculous joke, I - he said so, I _know_ it was just a joke and it’s, it’s…” “Okay.” Steven holds his hands up. “If you say so,” he says, and the small smirk is back on his face, twitching at the corners of his lips, his eyes glinting and Alex frowns, nodding firmly.

“I do. I do say so. And I’m sorry - you know that you…saw that.” She awkwardly holds up the script and Steven laughs.

“Oh, don’t be sorry,” he grins. “Highlight of my morning!”

Alex snorts too then, and shakes her head, offering a ‘see you later,’ as Steven wanders off, still chuckling and shaking his head.

She lets out a shaky breath, her cheeks still slightly pink as she looks down at the script. She scowls at the pages. That was without a doubt the most embarrassing and awkward conversation she has ever had with her boss, and Matt Smith is going to _pay_.

\--

Alex marches through the studio, script clutched firmly in hand, muttering crossly to herself as she scans around for a gangly man in a tweed jacket.

“Oh, Alex - hey, there you are!” Karen calls at her as she hurries past. “I wanted to ask you -”

“Sorry Karen you’ll have to excuse me I need to go and find Matt so I can kill him.” She tells the redhead brusquely.

Karen laughs out loud. “What did he do?”

“Trust me - you _don’t_ want to know.” She mutters crossly as she marches away.

“He was over at costumes last I saw him!” Karen calls out helpfully.

Alex finds Matt on the way to costumes, strolling towards the cafeteria.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he grins at her as he approaches.

“I need a word with you,” she tells him stiffly and Matt raises his eyebrows.

“Alright, I’m just gonna grab a coffee, can I temp you?” He says with a cheeky smirk as he makes to walk past, motioning for her to join him.

“Not so fast!” She snaps at him, grabbing him by the collar.

“Wha - _ow_ \- Alex - what!?”

Ignoring his protests, Alex literally drags him into an unoccupied room to their left, all but shoving him through the door and slamming it after them.

\--

A couple of hours later, the four of them are strolling from the studio into the rare sunlight outside. Alex has forgiven Matt for the script incident - she thinks easier than she probably should have done but she knows it was at least half her fault for forgetting to remove the pages. And he did apologise for her embarrassment _very_ sweetly. With his tongue. In her mouth. Which maybe _slightly_ swayed her, just a little bit.

Alex and Matt are breaking for lunch but Karen and Arthur are done for the day, and gloating about it too as they bid them goodbye.

“Alright, we’re off then.” Karen chirps. “Can I have a lift?”

“No Karen I’m gonna make you walk.” Arthur deadpans.

“You two have fun,” she sings, ignoring him. “While we have a lovely afternoon doing absolutely nothing.”

“That’s it Gillan rub it in,” Matt complains.

Alex pouts a bit and sighs dramatically. “Looks like it’s just you and me then darling,” she says to Matt.

He nods. “Yep. Want to go over our scene? I have a kettle and tea bags in my trailer.”

Alex bites the inside of her cheeks to suppress a grin. “Sure. Especially if there’s tea,” she says casually, smiling at him.

He grins. “Great - I’ll uh, we’ll see you tomorrow then, yeah?” He says to Karen and Arthur, who open their mouths to reply but Matt is already leading Alex away hurriedly by the arm.

“Want to be a bit more obvious darling?” She giggles when they are out of earshot.

“What? Oh - nah don‘t worry they‘re blissfully ignorant; I convinced them we’re back on friend territory.” He shoots a cheeky grin at her and she rolls her eyes.

“Well yes, that was the plan wasn’t it?” She mutters, more to herself but Matt just laughs.

Inside his trailer, she bats him off and tells him she is serious about the tea after the morning she‘d had, and proceeds to set the kettle to boil. She is busy digging out two mugs when he comes up behind her, placing possessive hands on her hips to tug her back into him. “Come here,” he growls into her hair, his voice low and sexy. “You’ve been driving me mad all morning, Doctor Song.”

Alex giggles at the name, leaning back into him as she places her hands on the counter, pausing in spooning sugar into the mugs. “You have such a kink darling,” she teases, grinning.

Matt just grins back, nuzzling her curls. “Mmm I really do. And you started it so shush.”

She laughs, tilting her head to the side as he begins to drop hot, open-mouthed kisses to her neck.

“It drives me mad, you know,” he mutters against her skin between kisses. “You, as River Song.”

Alex smiles. “Does it?”

“Yes. Even when we’re doing the serious parts,” he adds; the scene they had spent the morning shooting had been decidedly void of their usual flirting and light-hearted banter, giving way to the graver parts of the plot. “ _Especially_ when we’re doing the serious parts and you’re…you’re all…I don’t know - intense…God, you’re a fucking incredible actress.”

Alex sucks in a sharp breath at the undisguised compliment, spoken with such fierce honesty it makes her heart swell in her chest.

“Thank you,” she finally whispers back, because it’s all she can say, and to her surprise, Matt chuckles into her hair, pressing a kiss to her head through the mass of curls.

“You sound surprised.”

“I…” Alex doesn’t know what to say. To be honest she is so incredibly touched by those words, because something like that, from one actor to another (especially one she happens to think is so incredible himself) means more than he probably knows.

She turns in his arms to look up into his face, a bright smile on her own as she slips her hands round his neck and Matt chuckles at her. “Do you really not know how brilliant you are Kingston?”

She bites her lip, still smiling. “I guess I’m just not used to somebody saying it so plainly like that. I…” she shakes her head. “Thank you, really. And you’re pretty damn amazing yourself honey, you know that?” She says softly as she touches a hand to his face.

Matt grins giddily at her and swoops down to claim her mouth, kissing her fervently, until she whimpers against his lips and all but melts into his strong form.

“Now, enough of this,” he growls playfully when he pulls back, backing them up the few remaining steps into the counter. “How about we put our fantastic acting skills to use?” He grins, waggling his eyebrows at her and she giggles, pressing herself against him.

“Come on then Doctor,” she whispers with a grin, “Show me what you’ve got.”

He swoops down to kiss her again, and, aware of the time limit they have, they both undress each other quickly, stumbling across the small trailer until they tumble down onto his bed where their breathless giggles quickly turn to moans.

“River, River, River,” Matt chants into her ear as he moves inside her steadily, her bare legs wrapped round his waist, their costumes tossed on the floor. The name shoots thrills through her, the way he is murmuring it like that, low and husky, and as she clutches him close, a hand in his hair and the weight of his body over her own, she feels like she could just lose herself forever.

Kissing her neck with teeth and tongue, Matt slips a hand down between their sweat-slicked bodies and presses fingers to her clit, beginning to stroke it steadily in time to his thrusts and Alex gasps, her hips bucking up towards him.

“Oh!” She cries out, burying her face in his neck. “I love you sweetie…”

She freezes as soon as she says it, her whole body going still as soon as the words tumble from her lips because oh _God_ , what had she just _said!?_ And where the hell had that come from and oh God, oh God, what was Matt going to _think…_

But, totally shocking her to the core, Matt doesn’t even seem to blink at what she’s said, instead just holds her tighter, humming, “River,” into her hair, dropping a kiss into it before continuing with a low, “Love you too.”

Alex’s heart is pounding and her head is spinning with confusion and she doesn’t understand what’s just happened. What does he mean he loves her!? He’d said River. Does he mean he loves River? Or is he just playing the part, is he just being the Doctor, loving River?

And more to the point, what the hell did _she_ mean!?

She meant nothing, because she _knows_ she hadn’t meant to say that, it was just…one of those things that come out in passion-filled moments, when you’re in somebody else’s arms and out of your mind with pleasure that sort of phrase is one you’re accustomed to uttering. Alex had been married twice, and in love more times than that, she had countless times in her life said ‘I love you’ during sex, and that’s all it was. It had tumbled from her mouth by habit.

That and probably the fact that she’d had more dreams than she’d like to admit of late in which, as River, she’d uttered those very words to him.

So, unable to do much else about it right at this moment, Alex pretends to ignore it, while Matt happily ignores it too, continuing to thrust into her in a rhythm that was steadily increasing as he approaches his climax. She is distracted now, but just before Matt comes inside her, he presses a finger up hard against her clit, and hitting her just right deep inside a couple more times, her sudden orgasm takes her by surprise, leaving her gasping and trembling beneath him.

Panting as he rolls off her, Alex lays by his side as they both catch their breath, beginning to panic shortly after. Because now they will have to talk about what had been said, and she doesn’t want to talk about it because she doesn’t know _why_ in hell she had said she’d loved him and she won’t be able to answer when he asks because she hadn’t meant to say it, and if Matt thought she’d actually meant it…

So lost in her own thoughts is she, that she jumps when Matt leans over to place a chaste kiss on the corner of her mouth. He giggles at her, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“Come on,” he says, scooping her costume off the floor and tossing it at her. “We’ve got fifteen minutes left and if I don’t actually eat something this lunchtime I think I’ll pass out on set.”

Sitting up, Alex blinks at him. “Uh - yeah,” she forces out a bemused chuckle. “Me too, I’m starved.”

Matt dresses quickly, and sets about making them a sandwich each as she slowly tugs her costume on, a frown creased into her forehead. He is just…acting like nothing happened. Which - she isn’t going to complain about because of course - she doesn’t _want_ to discuss what had slipped from her lips, it’s just…a little disconcerting that Matt had taken it so in his stride.

She realises then that perhaps she is over thinking it. Yes, it had startled her that it had slipped out, especially when Matt responded, but Matt had obviously just assumed it was simply part of their role-play and gone along with it. That was all.

It was an accident that she’d said it and obviously no harm done so she should stop worrying and forget about it.

Slipping her shoes on and standing, she smiles at Matt as she wanders over to him and he hands her a plate.

“No time for tea,” he apologises, passing her a glass over water and she grins and looks at him pointedly over the rim.

“And whose fault is that?”

Matt just winks at her and goes back to munching on his sandwich as she rolls her eyes.

Yes, it was _fine,_ and things between them were perfectly normal.


	22. Chapter 22

Except things between them weren’t normal. 

They were… exactly the same, just with one (really rather substantial although made completely insignificant by the way both she and Matt were treating it) shift in their relationship. 

Alex had been confused enough about those fateful three words having left her lips so unbidden like they had in his trailer a few days ago, but, what is disturbing her even more than having said it, is that Matt seems to have taken it as permission to add the line to their… their little ‘game’, or whatever the hell it was, alarmingly frequently. 

“River Song,” he had kissed down her neck that night, tucked comfortably into her bed with her after a particularly long and tiring afternoon and evening shooting their scenes together. “I bloody love you.”

Alex had stiffened just momentarily before forcing herself to relax, and when she’d looked down at Matt he was nipping at the skin over her collarbone like he hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary, skimming his hands up under her dress deftly and she knew he was just playing a part. 

“Love you too sweetie,” she felt she had to murmur back as she threaded hands in his hair. 

She had discovered, an hour or so later, that it feels _good_ to pretend. To pretend that she is River and he is the Doctor and she really loves him and he her. It feels good to be able to breathe the words as she lays tangled with him in sweat-damp sheets, to pretend… if only for a brief moment. 

So she did. 

She knows, somewhere in the back of her mind, a thought she selfishly won’t allow to the surface, that this is not an intelligent exercise to be partaking in, and she is playing a dangerous game with her own emotions. 

But Alex is an actress because she has always so loved being able to lose herself in somebody else and it feels _so good_ to be able to pretend that she is in love like this. She is leaving in just over a week…what harm can having this one pleasure for a short while do?

(painful, irreparable harm - but there goes the sensible part of her brain, shoved to the back and ignored again like she has been doing increasingly often lately.)

Every time since - and there’d been… a _lot_ of times over the last few days (it was terrible really, she was behaving like a horny teenager and she was nearly fifty bloody years old - but to be honest, Matt made her _feel_ like a teenager, and it felt so damn good that she couldn’t bring herself to care) that Matt had told her loved her, how much he loved her, _why_ he loved her…and Alex had felt her insides tingle each time and had responded in kind. 

She knows that means this can’t be good for her, that it’s going to hurt her somehow in the long run, but right now she can’t bring herself to care about that. 

She is at his flat again tonight; she hasn‘t even bothered going back to her hotel after work the last couple of times, simply shoves a change of clothes and a toothbrush in her car in the morning and follows him home straight from work. Or, Matt does the same, and goes back to hers. They’d finished shooting at three today, and have enjoyed a lazy afternoon lounging on Matt’s couch with cups of tea in front of some old black and white film they’d found on the telly. 

The film has finished now, and they are discussing what to do for dinner (well it had started that way, until Matt had told her he’d rather skip dinner and just have her for dessert instead) and Matt is laying her back on the sofa, kissing her deeply when his phone vibrates loudly in his pocket. 

“Ooh!” Alex giggles, as it buzzes right near her crotch, pushing him off gently. “It’s a bit soon for that darling, I think you’d better answer that.”

Matt guffaws at her, and gives her a dirty grin as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. 

He rolls his eyes and holds the phone up to his ear. “Hey Kaz.”

Alex can hear Karen’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking fast and excitedly, and she listens quietly as she sits up next to him, smoothing down her top and patting her mussed up curls. 

“…gonna be there too so it’ll be great, and we have a late start tomorrow so it’s perfect - it’s supposed to be a really cool place and he can get us in VIP _and_ he’s promised to buy the first round so it’ll be great! Me and Darvill are gonna get takeaway here first so just come on over whenever and we can eat and have some drinks here and then go, yeah?”

Matt looks at Alex who raises her eyebrows at him. He frowns and scratches his head. “Umm…I uh…I don’t really feel like it tonight Kazza. Sorry.”

Alex frowns at Matt and hears Karen screech down the end of the line. 

_“What!?_ Matt come on - seriously!? We don’t even have to be at work til midday tomorrow so it’ll be brilliant, why don’t you wanna come!?”

Matt glances briefly at Alex again who is frowning at him before sighing into the phone. “I just…I’m really tired. I don’t feel like going out. I think I’m just gonna have an early night.”

“Matt!” Alex hisses next to him, “You idiot - go out, I’ll go home!”

He shakes his head, frowning and mouths ‘No, don‘t be daft!’ at her before clearing his throat and turning away to speak into the phone. 

“Kaz? You there?”

“…Yeah.” Comes the voice through the phone, decidedly less excited than before. 

“I’m sorry alright? But have a good time yeah?”

Alex smacks his arm, trying to get his attention as she whispers. “Matt, don’t be stupid, go out with them!”

“…Alright,” says Karen. 

_“Matt!”_ Alex hisses. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Matt says quickly. 

“Yeah, alright.”

He hangs up and tosses the phone down, turning to Alex with a grin but she frowns back at him. 

“Why don’t you want to go out?”

He shrugs, still smirking and leans in. “Because. I have better things to do right here.”

Alex moves back, biting her lip. “I don’t want to keep you from your friends, darling,” she worries. 

“You’re _not_.” He tries to assure her but she shakes her head. 

“Matt…” She bites her lip. “It’s going to look odd. They’re your best friends, I know how much time you three normally spend together and in the last few weeks you’ve seen them how many times out of work? Two, maybe three?”

“Alright - I _know_ but Alex -”

“You shouldn’t be neglecting them honey,” she says gently, a hand on his knee. “Don’t you think they’re going to think it’s a bit strange? That you don’t want to spend time with them anymore?”

Matt sighs. “I do want to spend time with them, it’s not that -”

“Then go out tonight!”

“I’d just rather be with you!”

Alex sucks in a sharp breath and shakes her head. That sentence really sounded like it meant something she’s sure he didn’t intend. 

“Darling…” She says softly, hand still on his leg. “You shouldn’t neglect your friends for the sake of - of a shag.”

Matt frowns and looks away. “But you’ll be gone in less than a week,” he finally whinges after a pause. He looks up and smirks at her a bit, shuffling closer on the sofa and snaking an arm round her waist. “I just want to make the most of you while I still have you…” he murmurs, leaning in to kiss her neck. 

Alex sighs as she lets her head tilt to the side. _There, see?_ She reassures herself. _It’s all about the sex Alex_. Which was good - that was what she wanted. 

Still - she has a point and she’s not going to drop it that easily. “And then when I leave next week you’ll be knocking on their doors and they might decide not to answer Matt, and then what would you do?”

He chuckles against her skin, sliding the other arm round her small waist to pull her closer to him. “Course they will.”

Alex shakes her head. “Friendship doesn’t work like that. You should go out with them tonight.”

He makes a noise of protest and nips at her skin. 

_“Matt._ ”

“Alex.”

“Alright.” She says firmly, extricating herself from his arms and looking at him sternly. “I’m going home.”

“What?” He laughs. “Alex don’t be ridiculous.”

She gets to her feet and brushes herself off brightly. “I’m not. I’m going.”

She hears Matt leap up as she walks to the door. “Alex!”

“I’m going home, goodbye!” She sings. 

“Well I’m still not going to go out!” He says childishly. 

“Well spend the night alone then!”

Matt makes a noise of frustration and lets out a hard sigh. “Fine - come with me then!”

Alex falters at the door. “What?”

He folds his arms and grins at her. “I’ll go out with them - if you come too.” He raises teasing eyebrows. “It’s called a compromise Kingston.”

Alex scoffs. “Now _you’re_ being ridiculous. I’m not going to a _nightclub_ Matt - I’m too old!”

He laughs, walking towards her. “No you’re not.”

“I am.”

 _“Not,”_ he grins, stopping and crowding her into the door, arms either side of her head as he leans right in and speaks in a low voice. “You want me to go out with Kaz and Arthur, and I want to spend the night with you… so I’ll go if you come too.”

“Matthew,” Alex speaks firmly, pretending not to be affected by his close proximity as she rests her hands on his shoulders. “I don’t care how low you drop that sexy voice of yours darling, I can tell you seriously, there is no way in _sodding hell_ you are getting me into a nightclub.”

\--

The music is so _awfully_ loud. Not that Alex objects to a good party, but this… this moronic beat that is thumping through the floor and her chest and her head isn’t even _music._ And she’s sure it never used to be this loud in clubs - she can’t even hear what Matt is yelling into her ear - or maybe she’s just getting old. 

_“What!?”_ She shouts back. 

“They’re over there!” Matt speaks right into her ear and she looks where he is pointing to indeed see Karen and Arthur seated with a large group of people in a little cordoned off VIP area in the corner. 

They make their way over, Matt’s hand on the small of her back guiding her through the crowds (and it is so crowded in here - and hot) and Karen shrieks excitedly and jumps up when she spots them. 

Alex watches her wrap one arm round Matt, smoothly dodging the drink in Karen hand as it sloshes over the edge of her glass and watches Matt roll his eyes as he says something to her and tugs her hair. The redhead moves over to Alex, throwing her arms round her too and Alex pats her back, a strong smell of alcohol that suggests this is far from Karen’s first drink tonight invading her senses. 

“Can’t believe he actually persuaded you to come! I’m so happy you’re heeeere Alex!” Karen is shouting in her ear.

“Believe me I can’t believe it either dear,” Alex shouts back.

Room is made at the table and she slides into the booth seat next to Matt with Arthur the other side of her, Karen returning shortly with drinks for them. They chat for a while, and it’s… quite nice, although Alex doesn’t hear half of what anyone’s saying and takes to just smiling and nodding. After several rounds of shots that she politely refuses, Karen wants them to dance, something, Alex also refuses after a glance to the crowded dance floor, waving her off. 

Matt stays with her for a bit but keeps glancing over to his friends until Alex finally manages to persuade him to go and join them, and yes of course she’ll be fine she’s just going to sit right here. He shouts in her ear that he’ll be back in a moment and she waves him off and watches him make his way over to Karen and Arthur. 

Alex sits in the little booth, nursing a drink watching Matt dance with his friends. She feels… out of place here, as she looks around at the hoards of barley dressed people dancing and moving around, laughing and drinking, all full of the vivaciousness of youth. She has spotted one or two people who look more her sort of age in the club but they are few and far between and Alex can’t help but feel she shouldn’t be here. 

Matt, however, looks more than happy, and totally at home as she watches him bounce around, arms flailing everywhere, a grin on his flushed face as he dances with his friends. She smiles fondly, unable not to, to see him so obviously happy and she knows this is where he belongs. It isn’t, however, where she belongs, and when two girls who scarcely look old enough to be here totter past in shoes they can barely stand in and glance at her, one nudging the other and giggling as they walk on, Alex decides she’s had enough and she’s going to call it a night. 

She leans across the booth to the three young men who are part of their party and speaks loudly to them. 

“Can you tell Karen and the boys I’m going home?”

The man turns and grins at her, obviously less than sober himself, and nods. “Sure - you’re leaving already?”

“Yeah, I - I’m tired - apologise for me, yeah?”

He nods and she smiles in thanks before pushing her drink towards him and getting up to sidle out of the booth. With one last glance at Matt, she slips away and out of the club, relieved to breathe in fresh, clean air outside. 

\--

It was a little past one when Alex got in, and, kicking off her shoes with relief, she’d changed straight into pyjamas and crawled into bed, sighing in comfort as she’d snuggled deep into her duvet. 

But the beat was still thumping through her head and her ears were ringing and she was wide awake despite her whole body feeling tired. She glances at her bedside clock to find it is now almost two and she is still restlessly awake. She huffs, turning over and burrowing under the covers and wondering if Matt was still having a good time and what he was doing now when she hears a knock on her hotel room door. She jumps, sitting bolt upright and frowning at the noise. 

“Aleeex!” Comes a hiss through the door, and despite the fact they he’s trying (and failing) to whisper, she would know that voice anywhere. Matt knocks again, louder as she scrambles out of bed and hurries through her suite. “Kingston! Are you asleep!?” Comes the hushed muffled voice and she reaches the door and pulls it open quickly. 

“Matt, what the hell are you doing!?” She hisses, tugging him by the arm as he grins at her. “It’s two in the morning you’ll wake everyone up - get inside!”

“ _Oh,_ ” he says, as he stumbles through the door. “Shhh!”

“Yes, shush!” She scolds him as he dissolves into giggles. 

“What are you doing here?” She demands once the door is closed. “Where are Karen and Arthur, did you come back on your own?”

“I dunno. They’re still out. You left!” He points accusingly at her, frowning. 

“Yeah, I was tired… did you come after me? I wanted you to stay out and have fun…”

“But why did you leave?” He whines. 

“Because I was _tired_ , and you were having a good time and I didn’t mean for you to come back too, you pillock!”

He pouts at her, actually _pouts_ , and she has to suppress a giggle at his ridiculous expression as he sways slightly on his feet. 

“But I wanted to dance with you,” he slurs miserably. “And you left.”

Alex chuckles, placing a hand on his cheek. “I’m sorry sweetie. Come and sit down, I’m gonna get you a glass of water okay?”

“Noo,” he bemoans, resisting when she tugs on his arm, instead stepping close and sliding his arms round her waist. “I wanna dance with you.”

“There’s no music darling,” she tells him tolerantly as he starts to sway with her. 

“Yeah, there is,” he grins, starting to hum in her ear, drawing another giggle from her as she slides her hands up round his neck. 

“You are ridiculous.”

“Mmm, you’re gorgeous,” he growls, bending down to press a sloppy drunken kiss to the side of her face. 

She smiles, her eyes sliding closed, humming in pleasure as he pulls her close and rocks them gently, his kisses trailing down her neck. His hands slide down to cup her bum, which he squeezes as he sucks below her ear and she feels his erection start to press into her. 

“Can you be River for me?” He growls against her skin. “I love it when we play that game.”

She giggles softly, running her hands through his hair. “Darling we’re not having sex. You’re very drunk and I need to get you to bed.”

She feels his grin against her skin. “Yeah you _do._ ”

“Matt.” She pushes at him gently. “Come on.”

“I’m not drunk.” He protests as she removes herself from his arms, and without her support he sways and immediately stumbles backwards - luckily Alex grabs his arms to steady him with a laugh and a raised eyebrow. 

“Alright,” he grumbles as she leads him through the suite. “I’m a bit drunk.”

“Yes, you are.”

Alex pushes him into bed, and finds him quite compliant as she removes his jacket and tugs his shoes and socks off before manoeuvring him beneath the covers. 

“I don’t wanna sleep in my clothes.”

“Well take them off then. I’m going to get you a glass of water.” She turns to leave but Matt grabs her arm and hauls and she squeals in surprise as she tumbles down on top of him. He quickly pins her beneath him and grins in triumph as he leans in to begin kissing down her neck again. 

“Ma-att _stop it_ ,” she giggles her pathetic protest, as his hands skirt down her figure. He pulls her tank top up and slides down to sloppily take a nipple into his mouth, kissing and sucking noisily at it as Alex sighs and arches up towards him. “Oh you are _terrible,_ ” she whispers as she runs a hand through his hair.

“Yeah,” he smirks against her breast. “And you want me even when I’m stupid and drunk.”

She snorts. “Well you’re very _persuasive_ when you’re drunk darling - hmmm, that feels so good honey,” she sighs in pleasure as he moves over to suck messily at the other nipple as his hand glides up to massage her breast. 

Content that that one is suitably seen to as well, Matt drops a kiss to the tip of her nipple before pulling back to look down at her, braced on his forearms either side of her body. Alex pants lightly as she gazes up at him, unable to resist reaching up and brushing the lock of hair that has fallen into his eyes from his face gently. That face of his that she realises she has become so damn fond of. 

Bloody hell, this man. How does he do this to her? Even drunk and ridiculous he makes her feel giddy with desire. Makes her feel like she doesn’t want anything in this world except _him_. 

“God you are so gorgeous,” Matt breathes, making her breath catch in her throat. _He’s drunk Alex_ , she reminds herself, but the importance of that is difficult to remember as he continues. 

“So bloody fucking gorgeous I can’t believe I get to have you,” he utters hoarsely as his eyes, clouded and slightly unfocused, roam her face. “Every bit of you is beautiful,” he hums happily, leaning down to kiss the corner of her mouth as his hands start to roam over her body. “And I love you so much.”

Alex lets out a gasp that Matt swallows; now kissing her deeply as he presses himself close and slides a hand inside her pyjama bottoms. Alex lies still as he kisses her, internally panicking because _Oh God oh God oh God, what does that_ mean!? 

He’s just playing the game, he _must_ be, and he’s drunk and just all muddled and filled with lust and rambling jumbled thoughts and of course he doesn’t mean he actually _loves her._ Of course not. 

She shouldn’t be doing this with him now. He’s too drunk. So drunk he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. But his fingers are sliding through slick skin and his knee is nudging her legs apart and oh God, drunk or not, his words have made her melt and she just wants him close and wrapped round her and inside her and oh _God_ this doesn’t feel like just sex anymore. She’s not sure it ever has. 

She whimpers, clinging to him too tightly and kissing him back too tenderly, because he’s drunk and he won’t notice it and she just - she just… she just wants him so very, very much. Her Matt. He is so very dear to her, she thinks with an aching heart as she helps him wrestle their clothes off so they can get closer, faster. And she thinks…

She thinks she loves him. 

“Jesus Alex,” Matt grunts in her ear, fisting a hand in her curls, his other holding tight to her hip as he sheathes himself inside her. “You’re so bloody tight. So perfect…” he rambles as he begins to thrust into her, his voice slurred and babbling in her ear. “So bloody, fucking, _perfect_ …”

And he is so drunk. And all this is to him is sex. 

Alex squeezes her eyes shut and holds him so tightly she can scarcely breathe with his weight pressed into her but she doesn’t care and she isn’t letting go for the life of her. Her heart hammers in her chest as he moves inside her, and she thinks about how amazing and right it feels to have him buried inside her and realises it’s always felt like that with him and why had she never wondered at that before? 

She curls her legs round him and hooks her ankles together, pressing him even closer still and he is mumbling incoherent things into her hair and nipping at her neck, biting so hard every now and then that it strings but she doesn’t _care_. Because it feels perfect and this man is perfect and she wants him forever and she thinks when she has to say goodbye in less than a week it’s going to kill her. 

Alex senses Matt approaching his climax and slips a hand down between them to let her fingers find her clit, pressing against it, desperately seeking that moment of bliss as she cries out from the pleasure, her voice mingling with his. She reaches her own orgasm just seconds after him, her body shuddering as he spills inside her, swearing loudly, and she clings to him with a spinning head until they both collapse and still. 

Matt lifts his head after a moment to grin down at her and he kisses her, lazy and sloppily, his gaze too unfocused to notice the tears in her eyes or the less than happy expression on her face. 

“Mmm best shag ever,” he groans drunkenly in content as he rolls off her and onto his back, his eyes closing and breathing evening out within seconds. 

Her brow knitted together, Alex lifts her head to look down at him, shuffling closer and curling herself into his passed-out form. And she is glad he is drunk, because she hugs him so close, kissing his cheek over and over and tucks her head into his neck and cries.


	23. Chapter 23

It is just gone half eight when Alex wakes, and she allows herself to lay still with her eyes closed for several minutes before she forces herself up. Her eyes are sore and her head hurts and she is tired, and she’d only stayed out a couple of hours and had two drinks. She is definitely too old for this sort of thing, she thinks miserably as she stretches. 

Her eyes fall to the man next to her, sound asleep with his mouth wide open, one leg and one arm hanging out of the bed. She smiles fondly before biting her lip, her brow furrowing deeply. How had she not _noticed_ the significance of this great affection she holds for him before?

She reaches down to smooth a lock of hair from his face. She’d _always_ been fond of him, terribly, dearly fond, even long before they started shagging - before they even knew each other well enough to become good friends. She’d been fond of him since that very first day on set, watching him flail around and trip over everything, and still manage to flirt awkwardly with her, shooting her grins and winks that made her smile and tingle with warmth inside. 

She supposes that’s why she hadn’t realised what that fondness had turned into; because it had always been there. 

Sighing heavily and tucking the covers up around Matt, Alex slips from the bed with painkillers and a strong cup of coffee in mind, throwing her dressing gown on and padding over to the little kitchen area of her suite. Her head is absolutely pounding, and she suspects it is more likely due to the fact that she’d cried herself to sleep last night rather than the two drinks she’d consumed. 

She just couldn’t believe she’d let this happen. Falling for a man almost half her bloody age - God, she should know better by now, she was so damn _stupid._

She thought back to the club last night and scoffed at the idea of her and Matt together like that when it could so _obviously_ never work. He was so young and vivacious - and ridiculous and daft at times but that was okay, because she knew from experience that youth and freedom should be enjoyed while you had it. She no longer did, and that was more painfully obvious than it had ever been as she’d sat watching him looking right at home in the club last night, suddenly feeling so dreadfully out of place and _old_. 

Matt was still just beginning what she knew would be an incredible career and she… - she would ruin his life.

Not that being with him like that would ever even be an option - because she was pretty damn sure he’d never even considered the idea of her that way. Of course he hadn’t; it was ridiculous. He cared for her as a friend, which was lovely, and he obviously fancied her too but to him she knew the sex was just a bonus. She _knew that_. 

She was just going to have to get over it. 

Scrubbing a hand over her face, Alex finishes her coffee and pads towards the en-suite with a shower in mind. Matt is still dead to the world, sprawled out across her bed like that’s just where he belongs and she sighs, smiling sadly and leaving him to sleep. 

Alex wakes Matt just after ten with a glass of water and two paracetamol, and leaves him to wake up while she goes to make him breakfast. When he wanders out of the bedroom ten minutes later she does have to stifle a giggle at his dishevelled appearance, and the way he has a hand clapped to his forehead, squinting in the light.

“Do I need to apologise?” He rasps quietly as he plonks himself down on her sofa. 

She raises surprised eyebrows over the counter from where she is buttering toast. . “For what?” 

“I dunno. I’m blank from knocking on your door.”

She snorts. “Blimey darling, how much did you drink?” 

“Dunno. Kazza dragged me to the bar and kept putting shots in front of me.” He frowns. “And we played this game to see how many we could down in one go…then I went to get you to join in and realised you were gone.”

She sighs. “You really shouldn’t have come after me, I wanted you to stay out and have fun.”

He smiles faintly. “But it wasn’t going to be any fun without you there,” he says, and her face softens. “And besides, you left so quick I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He heart melts and he has to not _say things_ like that because in her fragile state of mind right now it was going to do things to her she’s sure he didn’t intend. She opens her mouth to dismiss the comment when he suddenly groans out loud and continues. 

“Oh God, I didn’t even ask if you were alright did I? Once I got here. I must have forgotten and I…I just…” Another groan and he looks at her with apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry Alex…”

“I was fine - just tired.” She forces a grin. “And there’s really nothing to be sorry for darling,” she says with a wink, steering the conversation back to their familiar cheeky flirting and away from things that were making her feel things she _couldn’t_ be feeling. 

Matt does grin back then, and despite his state, manages to look rather smug as he proclaims, “Good to know I can still satisfy you even blind drunk.”

The smile that tugs at her lips is for real this time, but ever quick with a comeback, she covers it fast and deadpans as she stirs sugar into coffee; “Well I’m sure you would have done if you hadn’t passed out on top of me halfway through taking my clothes off. It was a lovely snog though, darling.”

She manages to keep a straight face for about five seconds, before she is unable to resist glancing up and sees Matt staring at her with wide, horrified eyes and a red face and she bursts out laughing. 

“I’m kidding honey.” 

“Oh.” She watches him relax, the mortification leaving his face to be replaced with a well aimed glare. 

She is still chuckling as she walks over and hands him a plate of eggs on toast and a steaming cup. She pats him patronisingly on the head. “You did a lovely job.”

He swats at her and she dodges with a giggle. 

“You’re lucky you just made me breakfast Kingston; that was _not nice._ ”

She laughs, retrieving her own plate and mug and crossing the room to sit on the other end of the sofa with it. After a quiet moment she looks at him carefully. 

“Do you really not remember any of it?”

“No,” he mumbles around a mouthful of egg, and then pauses and looks over at her. “Why?”

“No reason,” she says quickly and brightly. 

His face falls. “Oh God. What did I do?”

“What? Nothing!” _Apart from telling me you loved me._ She forces out a laugh but Matt has stopped eating and is still watching her. 

“What did I say then?”

“ _Nothing_ ,” she insists, glancing at him to give him a quick smile that tells her he is still not convinced. Damn it, how can he read her so well - even bloody hung-over? “You didn’t say anything. Just… drunken ramblings darling. Nothing important - eat your breakfast, it’ll get cold.”

Matt gives her a suspicious look but obeys, dropping the subject and going back to his eggs on toast. 

Drunken ramblings was exactly what it had been and she knows she would do well to forget all about it. 

\--

At work, Alex is quiet. She doesn’t realise this until after they have been filming a few hours, when Matt pulls her aside during a short break between shooting scenes, and lowers his voice so nobody around them can hear. 

“Are you alright?”

“What?” She asks, surprised. “Course I’m alright, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem… distracted. I don‘t know.” His brown furrows in concern, and his hand, resting affectionatly on her elbow, tightens. 

“No, I’m not,” she answers immediately. “I’m fine, of course I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?”

He studies her carefully and she squirms under his gaze. Bloody hell. Clearly he could read her even better than she’d sodding realised if he was picking up on something not being right even though she’d been making a conscious effort _not_ to think about what was troubling her. 

“Alex…” He drops his voice further and steps in a bit closer to her. “Did I say something last night? When I was drunk? Something that upset you…?”

“What?!” She squeaks out, and laughs nervously. “No, no, of course not darling don’t be silly, I’d have told you!”

How in _hell_ did he know this? How!? She’d acting been exactly the same around him as usual - or at least she thought she had. And yes, she supposed she has been a bit quieter than usual today but she hasn’t been any different towards Matt… or at least she thought she hadn’t. 

He frowns. “I can tell something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Matt. I promise.”

“Alex -”

“ _Matt._ I’m fine, alright? I’m just tired. I - we didn’t sleep til late and I woke up at six this morning,” she lies.

“Oh… I’m sorry. About the late night.”

She sighs. “It’s fine. And I appreciate the concern.” 

She offers him a smile, touching a hand to his arm and he smiles back and she wants to kiss him in that moment _so much_ she has to step back, quickly averting her eyes. She clears her throat. “Come on. You can buy me a coffee to make up for it,” she says lightly, starting to move away.

Matt laughs, quickly falling into step with her, a hand lightly on her lower back as he leans in to murmur in a low voice that sends shivers down her spine; “Anything for you, my dear.”

Alex feels herself go hot and she subtly bats away his hand, with a smirk that was meant to be a glare at him. Distracted, she almost walks straight in to Steven, who laughs when she gasps and apologises when Matt tugs her to the side. 

“Not to worry!” The Scot says brightly, and looks at the two of them very purposefully before grinning widely and continuing on his way, looking very incredibly pleased about something. 

“What’s he so happy about?” Alex wonders aloud as she and Matt continue. Matt shrugs and rolls his eyes. 

“Oh you know Steven - probably got some huge bloody great plot twist up his sleeve that he’s hanging on to.”

Alex smiles. “Yeah, probably.”

\--

Before she goes home that night, Matt corners Alex in the empty costumes trailer as she is throwing her coat on, and pushes her against a rail of clothes, kissing her deeply as he hums and presses himself tightly to her. 

“What was that for?” She manages to ask breathlessly, blinking at him when he lets her go.

Matt shrugs, smirking at her. “I know you’re tired and you probably want to go home and sleep and I just wanted to do that before you go.” He pouts down at her. “I’ll miss you.”

Alex swallows, pushing him away gently and moving out the clothes she had been buried in with a nervous chuckle. “You’ll miss me? For one night? Don’t be ridiculous darling…”

“I’m not being ridiculous. I will,” he insists. 

Patting her hair with hands that are slightly trembling, Alex forces herself to keep her tone light. “Mmm you’ll miss the orgasm, I’m sure.”

“I -” Matt cuts himself off and looks at her strangely, frowning a bit before he shakes his head. “Just… have a good rest, okay?” He says, reaching up a hand to help her with sorting her hair, tucking a curl behind her ear in a gesture that makes her heart speed up, despite the fact that it had sunk slightly at him having not denied her words. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Alex nods. “Have a nice evening, honey.”

He leaves her alone to finish buttoning up her coat and shove her feet into her uggs, which she does slowly, resisting the urge to call out to him to wait, and please don’t go home without her because she’ll miss him too. But she _is_ tired, and she does need to sleep, and although she knows she probably won’t have much luck finding all that much tonight, she knows it is better for her to go home alone; if she doesn’t like the idea of one night without Matt she doesn’t know how she is going to cope when she has to say goodbye to him for a very long time next week. It’s best she tries to wean herself off him gradually, and maybe if she could manage to distance herself enough emotionally before then, it might not hurt so much when she has to leave, and, adhering to their agreement, it‘ll all be over. 

Who was she kidding, it hurts like hell already and she hadn’t even gone yet.


	24. Chapter 24

Smiling, Alex squirms as Matt crawls up over her and proceeds to kiss his way down her naked form, pausing to flick his tongue over a nipple before continuing down, dipping it briefly into her navel and then sucking at the skin of her stomach. 

She giggles breathlessly at the sensation, then gasps as he sucks a bit harder, and when he pulls away there is a dark red mark standing out on her skin and he grins up at her proudly. Alex rolls her eyes and tugs at him, pulling him back up so she can kiss his mouth, wrapping a leg round his waist. 

She feels him smile against her lips and then she lets out a gasp when his fingers slide between her folds, the pad of his thumb quickly finding her clit and circling it as two of his fingers dip inside her. She bites her lip and whimpers, her eyes locked with his. 

“God you are so gorgeous,” he breathes and she smiles up at him brilliantly. 

“Oh darling,” she sighs, her hips lifting on the bed. “I want you.”

He withdraws his fingers and slips his hand from between her legs, moving it to her hip to still her movements as his other hand slides up to cup her face and he pauses there, looking down at her intently, making her feel as if she could drown in his eyes. 

“I love you, Alex,” he says, and she gasps, feeling her heart swell to bursting, and with a breathless laugh she cups her hands to his face too, leaning up and kissing him fiercely. 

“ _Matt._ I love you too,” she laughs dizzily against his lips, kissing him over and over between smiles and words of affection as Matt shifts his hips forward and sinks inside her…

\--

Alex gasps, flails, and struggles to drag in air as her dream replays over and over while she tries to make sense of where she is and what is reality. 

When she finally gathers her senses, she is crying so hard she can hardly breathe. 

And she knows then that she has to _do something_ about this because… she can’t go on like this. She can’t. Her heart has already endured so much pain, she’s not sure how it’s going to survive this, and the longer she puts off the inevitable heartbreak she’s going to endure, the worse it will be. 

Half blinded by tears, she scrambles up and reaches for her phone, having to blink furiously to see the screen well enough to pull Matt’s name up and press call. 

He answers on the fourth ring. “…Hello?”

“Matt?” She croaks, wincing at how thick and hoarse her voice comes out. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks immediately, concern edged into his words although his voice is raspy with sleep. 

“I… need to talk to you…”

“Alex?” She can hear shuffling and a click and assumes he has sat up and switched the light on. “What is it? Are you alright?”

“Yes… no, I…”

“Has something happened?”

“No - no, no…”

“Alex, what is it?” His voice is urgent and distressed she feels awful for worrying him. 

“I just - I just had a bad dream,” she finds herself says as tears roll down her cheeks. She sniffs. 

“Oh… Alex.” He says, with a voice so full of compassion it only makes her cry more. “I’m glad you called me…”

“No - that’s not why I called, I just - I…” _We need to stop this thing between us Matt. It needs to be over now._ Why wasn’t she saying it?

“What is it then?” He prompts gently and she sniffs again, wiping at her cheeks. 

“I - … we can’t…” _We can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. - Say it, damn it!_

“Do you need me to come over?” He asks, and her heart speeds up a bit. 

“No! No, no, I just…”

“Alex?” he coaxes gently after a moment. 

_I can’t see you anymore. I’m sorry, I can’t._ She takes a deep shuddery breath. “I… I just couldn’t sleep, and then the bad dream and I just… I just wanted to talk. Can you just talk to me Matt?” She begs softly, closing her eyes as more tears slip down her cheeks. She couldn’t do it. She was in so deep before she’d even realised she’d fallen that she couldn’t get back out.

“Okay. Um…” she hears more shuffling and imagines him sitting himself up properly in bed and she feels terribly guilty for waking him. Not for the first time. After a pause, he starts talking, in a low steady voice that soothes her from the inside out, and she shuts her eyes and just listens, waiting for the tears to stop. He talks nonsense - about the film he’d watched before bed, about a joke he and Arthur had played on Karen on set today, about filming, and the new series. 

After ten minutes or so he pauses, clearing his throat. “Alex? You still there?”

“Yeah,” she says softly. “I’m listening.”

She hears him swallow. “…I’m gonna really miss you when you leave you know.”

Her heart speeds up and she feels fresh tears start to well in her eyes. “Don’t be daft you’ll be too busy,” she says quickly. 

“I…” He clears his throat. “You know, I was thinking… do you, um… are you sticking around in the UK at all after you wrap?”

“No… I fly out the next day.”

“Oh right. Yeah, course you do.”

Biting her lip, her heart still thudding in her chest she asks, “Why?”

“Oh - it doesn’t matter. I just… well two weeks after you go I have four days off. You know, after Kaz and Arthur leave. And I just thought… just that if you were still around we could… could get together or something - but you’re not so - you know. Doesn’t matter.”

“Um - well you could - you’d be welcome to - I mean if you wanted to come and visit,” she finds herself blurting out the invitation before she can think about it. “I have Salome but you’d be - well no,” she laughs nervously. “That’s a silly idea, of course you don’t want to fly all the way out, of course not!”

“What? No - no, I… do you mean it?”

Her stomach flips. “Yes!” She says quickly. “Yes, yes - of course I do, you’d be welcome…”

“Um…okay.” She hears him give a sort of laugh on the end of the line. “Brilliant. That would actually be great. Kaz and Arthur will have just gone and… - I could actually really do with getting away to forget about it all for a few days, you know?”

Alex’s heart drops. _What did you think, idiot!?_ She scolds herself. _That he wanted to fly all the way over to LA just because he wanted to see you?_

“Alright,” she manages to force out. “Well good. Um… I should let you go…”

“Oh - okay. Are you alright now?”

“Yes I’m fine - uh, thanks for talking… and I’m really sorry. You know that I woke you.” _Again._

“You don’t need to be sorry. I’m always here for you, alright?”

She nods, whispering, “Alright. Thank you.” 

_Because that’s what friends were for, right?_ She thinks bitterly, before realising it was truly awful of her to resent something she should value, because if she can’t have Matt any other way at least she had his friendship, and she bites her lip, wondering if that will still be true in a couple of weeks. 

“…Matt?” She finds herself asking.

“Hm?”

“Can you promise me something?”

“Anything,” he says immediately and she swallows. 

“That we won’t lose our friendship? Because… - because sex can ruin things - maybe it seems alright now but when I go back to LA and -” _and when it’s over,_ “- just… please tell me things will stay the same. Between us? That - that I’ll still be able to call you my friend?”

Matt is silent for a moment before he finally speaks. “Oh - _Kingston._ Of course,” he says a bit hoarsely, his voice fierce. “Of course you will. _Always._ I promise.”

“Okay.” She feels herself breathe a sigh of relief. “Good. I’ll… I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Yeah. Hope you can get some sleep.”

“Hope you do too, I’m really -”

“Don’t apologise again,” he says fiercely. “I’ve told you - I’m glad you called me.”

“… Alright.”

“Alright. Good. Night, then.”

“Night darling,” she whispers into the phone before hanging up. 

\--

Three days. 

Three days is all she has left of shooting before she wraps. Just today, and tomorrow, and the day after. And then it is over. Not Who, of course; she’ll be back to shoot again in the Autumn, and then again whenever they want her. No, this thing she has with Matt is what will be over. It’s what they’ve agreed, and it’s what she _must_ adhere to - because she simply cannot _love_ Matt Smith and she knows the longer they continue sleeping together the harder it’s going to be to ignore the fact that she does. 

“Three days,” Matt is muttering into her skin as his open mouth traces over her collarbone. 

She groans, because she’s really trying not to think about that _now._ “Shut up and shag me, sweetie,” she orders breathily, and feels his lips curl into a smile. 

He pushes her against the console, and she feels it’s only fitting that she calls him Doctor as she pulls herself up onto it and hauls him closer by his braces, and Matt obviously seems to agree because he grins widely at her, leaning her back as he tells her she’s a bad, bad girl. 

They are on their lunch break, and Alex doesn’t even care anymore how terrible it is of her to be carrying on with this sort of thing at work because she has _three days left_ and she’s taking as much damn pleasure as she can. It had actually been her idea this time, sliding a hand subtly over his bum and leaning in to whisper the invitation in his ear as they’d all spilled out of the studio towards the cafeteria. It had been Matt’s, however, to come in here, to the studio that was built and decorated to look like the Tarids interior which they weren’t shooting in at all today. The door didn’t lock but Alex didn’t even care. 

River’s trench coat is dropped by the stairs, and the Doctor’s tweed next to it, and Matt has Alex’s skirts bunched up around her hips as he kisses her and shoves a hand inside her knickers, too impatient to bother trying to wrestle with the corset. 

She fights with his trouser fastenings, shoving them down impatiently as Matt slides two long fingers inside her and she feels herself clench around him in delight, a rush of warm liquid seeping from her to coat his hand. 

_“Fuck_ Alex,” he swears and she grins. 

“Alex? Sweetie is there something you want to tell me?”

Matt snorts, grinning back at her. “Slip of the tongue. Sorry dear.”

Leaning forward, she bites at his neck a little for good measure, and hooks a leg round him to draw him closer as she tries to push her hips towards him but she is sliding on the console, and when Matt curls his fingers inside her and strokes her inner walls roughly she gasps, bucking up, and would have fallen right off if his arms hadn’t been so tight under her thighs. 

“Wait honey this is no good,” she giggles, pushing him back so she can hop down. Her sex throbs as his warm hand slips from between her thighs, and on wobbly legs, she spins to face the console, hooking her thumbs under the top of her knickers and shoving them down her legs before bending at the waist so her torso is flat on the console. She hears Matt make a choking sound behind her and grins, wiggling herself at him as she mutters, her voice coming out a bit more strangled than she’d intended; “Hurry up sweetie, haven’t got all day.”

Clearly recovering quickly, she hears a rustling of material, as he quips, “Always down to business with you, isn’t it Doctor Song?”

And Alex grins wider and answers, “You love it, honey.”

He laughs. “You know me too well.” She feels his hand on her bum and then his erection pressing against her entrance, and he pauses, leaning forward a little to mutter a command to her; “Hold on.”

Alex grins, and obediently curls her fingers round two knobs of some sort, spreading her legs as much as she can and then letting out a low groan when he pushes forward and fills her. Mouth open, she lets out noises of pleasure Matt beings pumping into her in a hurried rhythm, his hand squeezing tight on her arse, the other braced on the console next to her own. Her knuckles turn white on the ‘controls’ she has hold of and she feels a climax quickly start to build inside her. 

She pushes herself back against him, tilting her hips up just so, so that on his next thrust he hits that spot deep inside her just right and she shrieks her approval, thighs quivering with her approaching orgasm. Obliging her wordless pleas, Matt leans down and drives himself harder inside her, the sounds he is making only winding her up tighter inside. And then his hand slides from her bum round her hips and between her legs, and her body jerks as he presses his fingers to her clit, engorged and throbbing, and he only has to rub her there a couple of seconds before she is coming hard beneath him, incoherent words leaving her lips as she hangs on to what she has hold of for dear life, and something snaps but she is so far gone she can only focus on the pleasure flooding through every inch of her body. 

As she slumps, collapsed and spent, she feels the rhythm of Matt’s thrusts become uneven and hears him suck in a sharp breath and swear. 

“Come on sweetie,” she pants out hoarsely. “Let go, give me everything you’ve got…” And it is enough to send him over the edge, spilling deep inside her with a roar as her inner muscles quiver and spasm around him in little aftershocks of pleasure. 

He collapses against her, his chest pressed to her back with his cock still buried inside her, and she feels his hand sweep back damp curls from her neck and his lips as he presses a lingering kiss there. 

“I -…” She hears him break off and swallow, pressing another kiss to the back of her neck. “You’re bloody incredible.”

Forcing out a chuckle, because this all feels a little too tender for her heart to cope with, Alex pushes herself up, and Matt, taking the hint, straightens and slips out of her, stepping back. “Thanks darling but I think you really did most of the work this time,” she quips lightly as she turns to face him, giving him a wink. Her skirts drop down and she pulls her knickers up her legs, smoothing her costume down and patting her hair as Matt does himself up. 

“What time is it?” She asks casually, clearing her throat. 

“Um… - quarter-to. Blimey.”

She grins as she steps past him and wanders over to the exit. “Know what they say, time flies.”

“Yeah,” Matt chuckles as he follows her. 

Alex pauses in front of the door, turning to face him. “Do I look alright?”

He leers at her. “Better than ‘alright.’”

She rolls her eyes, unable to hide a smile. “You know what I mean.”

“Not freshly shagged?”

 _“Yes._ ”

He grins, winks, and, “You look fine,” he nods. 

Alex reaches up to smooth down his hair and can’t resist leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips with a, “There. So do you.”

Matt grins, sliding a hand to her bum as she turns and opens the door, stepping out into the hall -

To come face to face with Steven Moffat. 

“Steven!” Alex gasps, a hand to her chest. “God, you made me jump,” she laughs nervously, feeling Matt’s hand leave her rear like it had caught fire. 

“We were just rehearsing,” Matt quickly explains scratching his head nervously and pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the room they’d just come out of. “Practising one of our scenes in here - we thought, you know, since it’s empty why not?”

Alex nods quickly in agreement, pasting a bright smile on her face. 

Their producer raises an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. “I just saved you from a potentially very embarrassing situation,” he tells them seriously. “You owe me.”

Alex’s heart speeds up and her and Matt share panicked glances as Steven turns and begins strolling away. She hurries to walk with him. “Um - what?”

“Oh,” he says cheerfully as they stride through the corridors of the BBC studios, “Our director wanted to change the schedule this afternoon and shoot scene sixteen in there. Fortunately for you, I’d seen you both sneak in at the start of lunch and I managed to persuade him otherwise.”

“Uh -” now internally panicking, Alex glances at Matt again who is as wide-eyed as her. “We were just going over some scenes,” she reiterates Matt’s lie. 

Still walking, Steven glances meaningfully at her before looking away and saying with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth; “These walls really aren’t all that soundproof.”

Alex freezes, as does Matt beside her as Steven continues striding away, turning at the end of the corridor to hold a finger up and proclaim, “I’m all for encouraging working relationships but please - keep it off the set, yeah?”

Alex stares at him in horror, and is ready to blurt out a hundred embarrassed excuses and apologies when the Scotsman looks at her, grins widely and winks, before turning and striding off. 

“Steven - !”

“My lips are sealed!” He sings out, his laughter echoing round the corner.


	25. Chapter 25

Taking a long sip of her coffee, Alex huddles herself in a corner of the set, keeping out of the cheerful banter as the crew finishes setting up for their first take of the day. She wraps her episode tomorrow, and she doesn’t really feel like happy interaction with her co-stars this morning; a forlorn sense of sadness has settled in the pit of her stomach, and she knows it really has little to do with being sad she is leaving for now and a lot to do with a certain star of the show. 

Also, there is the fact that they are shooting in the Tardis console room today, and Alex had taken one look at the console this morning and flushed red down to her toes, so she feels it is best she composes herself in private. 

Matt doesn’t seem to be having the same problem, leaning against the console itself in a way that makes her swallow and try to dispel steamy memories, and she watches him quietly as he talks animatedly to Karen and Arthur. 

As if sensing her eyes on him, Matt suddenly looks over, making her blink when she finds herself abruptly locking eyes with him, and he pauses in what he is saying, staring for a moment before grinning widely and holding up a hand in greeting. 

Sighing at her hiding place having being discovered, Alex smiles and waves back and him, Karen and Arthur, who have followed his line of sight and also looked over - and are now bounding towards her. 

“Morning Alex, when did you get here?” Arthur greets when they are close enough and Alex opens her mouth to reply when she suddenly has an armful of redheaded girl. 

“Alex! Tomorrow’s your last day!” Kaz exclaims as she hugs her tightly. 

Smiling sadly, Alex rubs her back, hearing the note of genuine anguish in Karen’s voice that hints at her being on the way to becoming emotional again - poor Karen. She wasn’t handling her last series very well. 

“I know - mind my coffee honey,” she says gently, holding the cup away from Karen as she clings to her. 

“Oh - sorry!” She pulls away and sighs heavily. “I’m gonna miss having my daughter around,” she attempts to joke but it comes out sad and pathetic. 

Alex offers her a smile. “We’ll keep in touch. Promise. And anyway you’ll be far too busy to miss me, you’ll hardly notice -”

“Um - what happened to this!?”

They three look over at the sudden cross exclamation of the head of props department to see that he was standing by the console and holding up a handle - that definitely used to be attached.

Alex immediately has a vivid flashback of something distinctly going _snap_ beneath her as she’d screamed out the orgasm Matt had given her over the console yesterday and, unable to prevent it, her face flushes a deep red. She turns wide eyes on Matt who has his own on her and they share a panicked look. 

“Well!?” Demands the middle-aged and grouchy-at-the-best-of-times head of department. 

Everyone is silent, shrugging and looking around and Alex steadily feels herself go redder, shrinking back and thanking God that Steven isn’t here.

“Someone must know - it didn’t fall off by itself!”

Alex intently studies the floor, trying to breathe and knowing just _knowing_ that if anyone so much as glanced at her they would be able to tell by her _face_ and -

Matt clears his throat and speaks up. “Er…that might have been me,” He says with a nervous chuckle as he scratches his head. “Did it practising the scene this morning…sorry, it - it was an accident.”

The man scowls at Matt, but knowing he can’t exactly berate the star of the show simply grumbles, “Would have been nice if you’d told us Mr. Smith.”

“Uh, yeah…sorry.” Matt’s cheeks go rather pink and Alex feels terrible about him taking the blame. (Although really, she thinks, it had been _his fault.)_

The man huffs and turns back to the console, grumbling something along the lines of “Third bloody thing this week…man’s a liability…”

“Hey Kingston, you alright?” Arthur suddenly asks and Alex looks up with wide eyes. 

“What? Yes! I’m fine,” she answers in a slightly high voice. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh - no,” Arthur shakes his head. “You just look a bit…flushed.”

“Oh.” Alex laughs falsely and fans herself. “It’s just warm in here!”

Off to the side, Matt snorts and covers it with a cough and Alex glares at him, noticing Karen next to him regarding him with narrowed eyes. When the redhead turns the suspicious gaze on her, Alex’s own eyes widen before she quickly smiles brightly and looks away, tucking a few curls behind her ear and busying herself with smoothing down her costume. 

The rest of the day passes by almost too quickly, dragging her closer to getting on that plane - and her affair with Matt being over. She thinks often that day about how different it will all be the next time she is here. No Arthur and Karen - and no evening with Matt to anticipate after work; no secret meaningful glances, no serious undertone to their flirting on set, no sly brushes of their hands again the other. She will _miss it_ , and when Matt takes her hand under the table in the canteen during their lunch break, she wonders if he is thinking the same things. 

Karen wants to go out for drinks after work, but Alex has to pack, and Matt follows her back to her hotel when they finish without asking. 

They order Chinese, and both are unusually quiet as they eat in front of the telly, Alex’s feet in Matt’s lap. She is unable to help herself from continuously glancing over at him, and notices him doing the same out of the corner of her eye when she’s looking away. 

When they’re finished, she scurries off to her bedroom to pack her suitcase, leaving Matt in front of a football game with a promise to be as quick as she can. 

After ten minutes he appears in the doorway, scratching his head. “Can I help?”

She shakes her head. “No I’m fine. Thought you were watching the game?”

He shrugs. “It’s a replay. Seen it before. Sure you can’t use a hand?” He asks as he wanders into the room, shooting her a cheeky grin. “I could fold your knickers.”

Giggling, Alex tosses a rolled up pair of socks at his head. “Love that, wouldn’t you?”

He sniggers as he approaches her, and as she turns back to the case open on her bed to lay a folded t-shirt inside, she feels two long arms slide round her waist and smiles, leaning back into his solid form. 

She continues neatly folding the stack of tops on the bed and laying them in the case when after a moment, Matt’s arms tighten around her and she feels him place an open-mouthed kiss on her neck. 

She elbows him gently. “Don’t distract me.”

He ignores her, sliding the flat of one hand over her stomach and round the front of her hips to settle on her thigh, kissing her neck again. 

“Matt,” she protests, shoving at him. “I need to pack.”

“You’ve got tomorrow to pack.”

She gives him a meaningful look over her shoulder. “You won’t let me pack tomorrow.”

Matt grins. “You’re right, I won’t.”

His hand drifts from her thigh up higher, where he presses long fingers into the crotch of her jeans, drawing a sharp gasp from her as he bites down lightly on her nape at the same time. 

“Alex,” he whispers into her skin, sending shivers down her spine. 

“Need to pack,” she repeats breathily, tilting her head back, her eyes sliding closed. 

“I’ll help you… in a minute,” Matt tells her, kissing her again and pushing his hips into her backside, letting her feel his hardness. 

Heat pools in her lower abdomen but she manages to smirk and tease, “A minute?”

She feels Matt’s grin against her neck and with his free hand, he lightly pinches her side. “Shut up Kingston.”

“Make me,” she has to purr in retaliation. 

“Yeah well maybe I will,” he replies in the Doctor’s low flirty tone that makes her grin and lean back into him.

It escalates rather quickly from there, with Matt spinning her in his arms to kiss her hungrily and pushing her until, with a bounce and a giggle, they both tumble down onto the bed next to her suitcase amidst piles of clothes. 

Obviously feeling playful, Matt remains in character, calling her ‘his Doctor Song,’ and sticking his tongue out and tickling her in the sides when she tells him cheekily that since they’re married, he’s actually ‘Doctor Song’ too now. Alex follows his lead, happy to call him sweetie and pretend to be River for a while because it is easier that way - easier than to acknowledging that this is getting scarily close to the last time they will be doing this. 

She manages to completely lose herself for a little while and it is _wonderful,_ but Alex is brought crashing back to reality sharply when, close to the end, Matt kisses under her jaw and, “River. I love you…” he murmurs into her neck and she swallows, suddenly gripped with all those _feelings_ again and the sharp stab of pain at Matt saying those words as the Doctor as part of playing a game instead of the way her heart wants him to say them. 

Feeling him pause against her, Alex realises she has momentarily frozen, and quickly gulps in a mouthful of air and stroking fingers through his hair, mumbles back her automatic response; “I love you too sweetie.”

Many hours later, as she lies next to Matt in bed with him long asleep, Alex still hears the words ringing in her ears. She can’t just brush it off and forget about it tonight, she just _can’t._

Because…. what the hell was this? Was this playing? Did you really tell someone you loved them every night as part of playing a game? It didn’t _feel_ like a game. She knew it wasn’t to her anymore, and when he held her so tightly she could scarcely breathe, kissed her like she would be gone tomorrow, and whispered _I love yous_ in her ear as she came apart in his arms it didn’t feel like a _game._ What were they doing? What was _she_ doing?

Alex knows what she has been doing - no matter how much she has told herself what she says is pretend because of course, they _aren’t_ in love - she means the words as Alex, not as River when she says them. She knows she does, she can’t help it - she has fallen for Matt and there is nothing she can do about it. And playing this stupid sodding ‘game’ with him has only resulted in completely confusing and hurting her, giving her a taste of what she firmly tells herself can _never_ happen. Of course it can’t happen, Matt would never feel that way about her. 

But then tonight… he had said the words so… so reverently, with that low voice, his lips against her skin…- and it always felt alarmingly real when he said it to her but tonight… God, she could _weep_ over it. 

_Matt is an actor. You are_ actors, she tells herself in the dark. Of course it feels real. 

A frown creases deep in her forehead as she draws a deep breath and lets it out shakily. This is ridiculous. She should never have let this happen - as soon as she became aware of her (frankly embarrassing) feelings for the man, she should have gotten out. In fact, she should never have gotten in; it was never going to end well and she knew that from the start. 

Eyes a bit damp, Alex looks over at the man breathing deeply next to her. She needs to talk to him. Set it all straight - confirm it for herself before she goes. Get clarification on exactly what the hell has been going on between them so she can leave without all this confusion and put all of this behind her. And she will get over him eventually. She just has to. 

She leans up on an elbow and looks down at him. Lifting a hand, she gently brushes a rebellious lock of hair from his forehead, eyes roaming affectionately over his face, his eyes closed, mouth slightly open. He looks so peaceful she can’t bear to wake him, and so she lays back down and shuffles closer, slipping an arm over him and nestling herself into his side. Matt shifts in his sleep to tuck an arm round her and pull her closer and she smiles sadly, letting her eyes slide closed and snuggling closer into him. She will allow herself tonight and tomorrow - tomorrow she will talk to him. 

\--

But tomorrow morning her alarm doesn’t go off, and she wakes with a start at Matt’s urgent voice telling her she needs to get up because they have to be at work in less than half an hour. It is a mad rush from there, neither having time for showers, Alex just managing to grab half a cup of coffee and a slice of toast until they have to bundle into his car and break all the speed limits to get to the studios on time. None of this gives her much opportunity to discuss the finer points of their affair with him. 

At work, she is ambushed with hugs and cards and even chocolates from Karen and a bottle of wine from Arthur, and in between shooting, and telling everyone who asks of her plans after she leaves, she doesn’t have a second alone with Matt all day. 

She has to go back to her hotel after work because she never did finish packing the night before, and as soon as she gets out of costumes, she hurries off before Matt can catch up, opting to send him a quick text that she will pop round later rather than tell him in person because if he asks to come with her she will say yes and she needs to speak to him properly but she _really_ has to pack first. 

When she knocks on his door later that evening with a purpose in mind, he grins at her so widely and greets her so fondly she almost wants to just forget all about what she’d come here to say and throw her arms round him and kiss him until he tugs her into his bedroom. But she forces herself to remember that tomorrow she will be leaving, and this will be over and she needs to _know._

Shutting the door, she follows him inside, and he is wandering over to the kitchen and opening a bottle of wine as he tells her to sit down and asks if she’s in the mood for red or white, but instead of taking her coat off, Alex hovers nearby. Wine is not what she came here for, and she knows she needs to say what she intends before she loses her nerve. 

She swallows. “Matt…”

Matt looks up at her, and raises his eyebrows. “That sounds ominous,” he comments. 

She shifts on her feet. “Can we talk?” Her words had sounded a lot steadier when she’d said them in her head before out loud. 

He pauses. “…Sure. Um -” he falters, and holds up an empty glass, a question. 

“No, no,” she quickly shakes her head, then changes her mind and nods firmly. “Actually yes, red please.” She could do with a drink for this conversation. 

She moves quietly over to his sofa and sits herself down, shrugging out of her coat and wringing her hands together as she waits for him to join her. When he hands her a glass and sits down on the other end of the settee, she takes a large sip before clearing her throat and sitting up straight, facing him. 

“Is this where you tell me it’s been fun but after you leave that will be it? Because I know, Alex, we decided that already and it‘s fine.”

Matt’s words take her by surprise, as does his tone; quiet and resigned, as he studies the glass in his hands. 

“Um - no, actually…”

He looks up, surprised at that, and they lock eyes. “Oh.”

She shifts. “I mean… yes, I know that’s what we agreed about after I go, I… - but - but that’s not what I came to talk about.”

“Oh. Then what is it?”

“It’s… well it’s…” she sighs, and looks him in the eye, speaking softly. “Matt… what have we been doing?”

He looks confused, and then amused, the corner of his lips twitching. “ _Well -”_

 _“Matt,”_ she sharply cuts him off, her face telling him she wasn’t in the mood for joking around and Matt snaps his mouth shut and frowns in bemusement. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this…” she gestures between them, “You and me. What is… this thing? Because… because I don’t know anymore.”

Matt draws in a deep breath in through his nose and appears to study her carefully. “It’s… we’re just having fun, aren’t we?” He says quietly, and Alex shakes her head. 

“Are we? Because it doesn’t feel like just fun anymore,” she admits quietly, and Matt’s brow furrows. 

“You’re… you’re not enjoying it? Because I thought -”

“No - _no_ that’s not what I mean. Of course I am. It’s… it’s this thing Matt, that we keep -” she cuts herself off, at a loss for words trying to explain herself. 

“What?”

She looks down fiddling with her glass, and wondering why the hell she hadn’t though about how on earth she was going to word this. How _did_ you explain your confusion on something like this? 

“Alex? What is it, what’s wrong?”

She glances up and catches his eyes, and suddenly the words tumble from her lips all at once. “When we say we love each other - what the hell does that mean!? Because I know - I know it’s a game and - but is it just a game because you say it to me all the time, and - and sometimes I think it feels like you’re being honest and then I realise how stupid that is but I don’t know why - I don’t understand this. I - and I know I started it, I know I said it first and really I don’t know why I did because it just slipped out but you didn’t - you weren’t even _surprised_ , and, and you just acted like it was normal and if it’s all just part of the game that’s fine but - but I think it needs to stop - I mean we shouldn’t have started it - saying things like that because it’s, it’s…I don’t know. I don’t _know.”_

Alex takes a deep breath and blows it out steadily, relived to have got all that out but aware she really probably hadn’t said it in the best way possible. 

She looks up when he doesn’t speak, chewing on her lip as she watches him nervously. “Matt? Say something…”

“Okay, um…” he scratches the back of his head. “Well… I don’t know either. I mean… it’s just the - the roleplay thing,” he says a bit awkwardly. “Right…?”

Alex feels her heart sink, but quickly mentally scolds herself - because what had she _expected_ him to say!? That he was actually head over heels for her for real? - And this was what she _wanted_ anyway, she’d wanted confirmation because she knew it couldn’t ever work between them and -

“Alex?”

She jumps, realising she’d been staring at her hands, silent, for a few moments. “Oh - um - right. Yeah,” she nods quickly. “That’s what I thought, I just wanted to make sure that, that… you know. We’re both on the same page, and everything. Because I was just… I don’t know. Yeah.” Another nod as she tucks her curls behind her ears. “Good.” 

“Good.” Matt nods too, a frown on his face as he picks at a thread in his trousers. “And… well I wasn’t surprised because… because you’d said it before - in your sleep. Quite a few times.”

Alex sucks in a sharp breath at his words looking up at him in horror. “…I did?”

“Yeah.”

She feels herself flush and drops her face into her hands. “Oh my God.”

She hears Matt give a nervous chuckle. “Don’t worry about it, I - well I mean, I know you have those dreams sometimes - about the Doctor and River, and… well yeah. I know it doesn’t mean anything…”

Alex sits for a moment, face buried in her hands in mortification, suddenly feeling very, very vulnerable. So she had been speaking her feelings aloud in her dreams, even before she’d realised they were real feelings - feelings she shouldn’t be having and was doing everything to hide - especially from the man who had actually been hearing them. She feels emotionally exposed, embarrassed, and hurt. And then she starts to feel angry. 

She drops her hands, a deep frown on her face. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me?” She demands. 

Matt shrugs. 

“Matt,” she finds herself snapping. “Why didn’t you _tell me_ that I was talking in my sleep - that I was saying things like that!?”

Looking baffled by her sudden anger, Matt shrugs again, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well…it doesn’t matter, does it? I mean - it’s nothing different from what you say to me when we’re… you know.”

“No,” she frowns, “Because you just _told me_ that I’d said I - said things like that _before_ \- why wouldn’t you tell me something like that!?” She all but shouts at him, feeling her throat tighten with tears that were threatening to fall.

“Well - uh - I don’t know… Jesus Alex, it doesn’t matter does it?”

“Doesn’t _matter!?_ I was telling you I loved you in my sleep and you didn’t think maybe you should mention it!?” She is vaguely aware, somewhere in the back of her mind that she has no right to be angry with Matt, but she is too emotionally panicked to listen to it. She feels like her heart has been torn wide open and her deepest feelings exposed and it _hurts_ and she is automatically taking it out on Matt. 

“Well… no, not really,” He stammers out, frowning. “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal…”

She feels yet another twang of pain in her chest at that and forces back tears. “Because - it - I didn‘t _know_ I was talking in my sleep you could have at least told me!” She manages to snap, skirting round the issue. “Or were you too busy enjoying the bloody entertainment!?”

Matt gapes at her. “ _What_ \- Alex - you’re being completely irrational -”

“No, I’m not!” She is shouting now, tears blurring her vision. “You should have told me!”

“I didn’t think it mattered! I know about your dreams - and I know it means nothing, so I… I mean,” he scoffs, “I thought you might be _embarrassed_ if I said anything - which you obviously are so I was clearly doing you a favour…”

Alex’s jaw drops as she stares at him with flaming eyes. 

Flying to her feet she makes for the door. “Fuck you Matt,” she spits, grabbing her handbag off the counter and flinging the door open. 

“ _Alex - !?_ ”

She slams it so hard even she winces at the bang, and tears blind her as she races down the corridor.


	26. Chapter 26

Alex is too hurt to feel anything but angry at Matt long after she had stormed out of his flat, and spends most of the rest of her night crying and cursing herself for being stupid, stupid, _stupid,_ and it isn’t until she is on the plane on her way home the next day that she understands two things. 

Firstly, that deep down she had actually been wishing, hoping and utterly _desperate_ for Matt to confess that he secretly felt the same way about her, no matter how hard she had tried to deny it to herself. And secondly, that the way she’d yelled at him and the things she’d said had been _totally_ uncalled for, and what she had really been doing was channelling her hurt into anger and taking it out on him. 

She starts to wonder if she’d even subconsciously done that on purpose so that it would be over between them for good.

Well - she finally consoles herself with after two nights of restless sleep and going over different variations of these same thoughts until she was sick of it - it _was_ over, so none of it should matter now anyway. Matt wouldn’t want anything to do with her now - and in the long run, that was for the best. 

The next day though - three days after she had left - he sends her a bouquet of flowers with a card saying nothing but _I am so sorry. M_ , and Alex cries for an hour because _he_ absolutely nothing to be sorry for. 

When Salome has gone to bed that night and Alex is curled up miserably on the settee in front of the telly, alone except for her glass of wine, she finally plucks up the courage to text him (because she can’t ignore it - she can’t just let him feel bad about something that was entirely her fault) and sends it before she can change her mind. _I’m the one who should be sorry. I am. And the invitation is still open next week, if you still want to come. A_

Of course he wouldn’t. And she hoped he didn’t because - it was going to be so hard. Being with him as nothing but ‘friends.’ And she’s not entirely sure she can trust herself to do it - she was missing him so much already that it hurt and it had only been three days. 

She jumps when her phone suddenly rings and bites her lip when she sees Matt’s name. She stares at the phone with wide eyes, wanting to ignore it and pretend she missed his call but she can hardly do that when she’s literally just texted him a moment ago. 

“Hello,” she says tentatively when she holds it to her ear. 

“Hey.” Matt’s voice is soft and the one word alone instantly floods her with warmth. “Are you alright?” He asks cautiously. 

“Yes, I - I’m fine.” She replies, trying to sound casual. “And you?”

“Are… _we_ alright?” He continues, ignoring her question and Alex sighs, closing her eyes. 

“Of course we are,” she answers quietly. “I’m really sorry about snapping at you the other night, it - … I was just stressed.”

“It’s alright,” Matt says warmly, sounding so relieved she feels _awful_. “I never meant to upset you, and I -”

“Matt,” She quickly cuts him off, squeezing her eyes shut further. “It… let’s not talk about it. It’s not important, anyway,” she lies through her teeth.

“… Okay. Alright - good.”

“Good,” she nods. 

“So um… how are things over there then?”

“They’re good,” she says, relived for the change in topic. “Nice to be back in the sun.”

He chuckles down the line. “I bet. It’s rained nonstop since you left.”

She laughs softly, making a sympathetic noise down the phone.

“How’s Salome?”

“Oh - she’s good. She’s brilliant - I’ve missed her so much, I think she’s even grown since I last saw her.”

She can hear Matt’s smile in his voice. “I bet she has.”

“And - how’s work?” Alex quickly asks, desperate for there not to be a gap in the conversation - normal, friendly conversation because that’s what this had to be.

“Oh yeah, it’s fine.”

“Hope you’re not all missing me too much?” She teases. 

“I miss you terribly.”

She’s not sure if he’d meant to say that playfully but his voice drops and catches on the words and it makes her suck in a sharp breath. 

“Matt -”

“We all do,” he quickly continues. “Not the same without River Song around to keep us all on our toes,” He jokes and she quickly forces out a laugh.

“So…” He says after a short pause had fallen. “It’s… still alright to fly over next week?”

Her heart skips a beat in her chest. “Yes! Of course - course it is - I’d love to see you. _We would,_ ” she quickly amends. “Salome and I would love to have you stay for a few days - you know she was so disappointed the last time you visited and she had to leave early.”

“Well - great,” she hears him smile down the phone. “That would be great. Um - We wrap on Thursday so I’ll fly out Friday morning and spend the weekend - if that’s alright?” He quickly adds and she smiles. 

“Of course - that’ll be lovely.”

“Brilliant. I’ll uh - I’ll text you the flight times when I know.”

“Okay,” she nods.

“Alright… I’ll see you next week then?”

“Yeah. See you.”

“… Bye then Kingston.”

“Matt -” She blurts out before he can hang up. 

“Yeah?”

“Um…” She bites her lip, fidgeting uncomfortably with her glass of wine. “We… we are alright aren’t we?”

There’s a pause. “I hope so?”

She nods although he can’t see her. “I mean… we’re friends, - right?” She asks, trusting that he will understand what she’s really asking.

“Yeah,” he replies softly after a moment. “Just friends.”

“Okay,” she says, knowing that she should feel relieved but unable to ignore the slight twinge in her chest. _It’s for the best, Alex_ , She tells herself firmly. 

“Just wanted to… make sure we both know where we stand.”

“…Yeah.” He clears his throat. “See you next Friday then?”

“See you then,” she agrees.

“Bye Alex.”

“Bye darling.”

She knows she should be glad they have cleared the air but she is filled with all sorts of confusing emotions when she hangs up her phone.

\--

Next week comes round too quickly - not that she hadn’t been looking forward to Matt’s visit, just that she had been trying to take the time to mentally prepare herself and she doesn’t feel like she’s succeeded yet. And now it’s Thrusday night and he will be here, in her house with her this time tomorrow. 

Sighing heavily, she turns on the sofa and let’s herself fall onto her back, a hand on her forehead as she closes her eyes. She can do this. It doesn’t matter what feelings she’s developed for him because nothing can ever come of her and him - and she’s always known that. So she’s just going to have to ignore it all. She _needs_ to do this, spend this weekend with him as friends and it will all be fine because having him in her life as a friend is fine. No - it’s brilliant, and she’s damn lucky to have him and - and all the strong, foolish feelings that she’s sure just came from all the intimacy will eventually fade and he will go back to being just _Matt_ to her and it will all be _fine_. 

She is startled by a sudden knock on the door and sits up, looking at the clock. It is gone ten at night and very unlikely that any of her friends or neighbours would be calling round at this hour but whoever it is obviously has the code to her front gates… Alex gets to her feet and hurries to the door worrying that something might be wrong. 

When she opens it her eyes widen in surprise. 

“Matt!” She manages to squeak when she finds her voice. “What are you doing here - I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow…!?”

He grins sheepishly at her, scratching the back of his head. “I know. Decided to fly straight out after we wrapped and sleep on the plane instead.” 

She blinks. “Oh.”

His face falls. “I should have called. I’m sorry - it was presumptuous of me - um - is it alright… that I’m here early?”

He suddenly looks utterly lost and unsure and Alex’s heart melts. “Oh - no, no _of course_ it is - of course!” She gushes, stepping forward to hug him tightly but quickly, allowing herself no more than a quick kiss pressed to his cheek. “Come in,” she invites, stepping back inside and letting him follow her. “I was just a bit surprised darling,” she chuckles. 

“I’m sorry,” he gives a nervous laugh, running hand through his hair as he follows her inside with his bag. “Are you sure it’s alright?”

“Course it’s alright,” she nods. “Oh - except - your bed’s not made up yet -”

“That’s alright I can share yours,” he interrupts quickly and she falters, trips over her next words and whips her head round to look at him with wide, alarmed eyes. 

“I’m kidding, Kingston,” he grins. 

“… Oh. Right.” She gives a nervous laugh. “Course you were. Um… come and put your stuff upstairs I can do it quickly now.”

They are silent as Matt follows her up the stairs, and at the top she pauses, motioning down the hall. “You remember where the room is right? I’ll grab some bedding.”

Matt nods and wanders off while she hurries to the linen closet to get out some sheets and pillowcases before making her way back to the guest room. Matt is standing by the suitcases he has deposited in the corner and looking every bit as awkward as she feels. 

“Um -” she holds the sheets up, moving towards the bed. “Here we are.”

“I can do that,” Matt quickly offers but Alex waves him off. “No, no, don’t be silly… why don’t you go and help yourself to a drink or whatever you want - you remember where everything is right? This will only take a minute,” she quickly babbles as she faffs with the duvet cover with hands she doesn’t fail to notice are slightly trembling. 

When she makes her way downstairs she finds him in the kitchen, sipping at a glass of wine. 

“Hey - hope you don’t mind?” He quickly motions to his glass. “Uh - the bottle was open.”

She rolls her eyes and waves him off. “Told you to help yourself didn’t I?” She says warmly as she walks over to retrieve a glass for herself. “How was your flight?” She asks for something to say.

Matt nods. “Yeah, fine. Listen Alex - I am sorry for dropping in on you without calling, I… well I didn’t think it’d be this late when I got here and I just -”

“No, it’s alright, really. Um - do you want to come and sit down?”

“Yeah but - what were you doing, I mean - I don’t want to interrupt your night -”

She chuckles because he can be so bloody adorable sometimes. “What would I be doing, really? Actually I was just about to go to bed, but I mean - if you’ve already slept on the plane you won’t be tired so I don’t mind -

“No - no actually,” he interrupts her, “Sleeping on the plane was the plan - didn’t actually get any.”

She looks at him sympathetically, suddenly noticing the dark circles under his eyes and wrung out expression on his pale face. “You must be shattered, honey.”

Chuckling a bit, he rubs the back of his neck. “Well… yeah, a bit.”

“Well - go and get some sleep then yeah? And we can talk properly and catch up in the morning when you feel better. Salome will be so excited to see you.”

Matt nods. “Sounds good,” he mutters, and downs the last of his glass of wine before mumbling a ‘good night,’ to her and trailing off upstairs. 

Alex finishes her own glass, letting out a heavy, slightly shaky breath as she puts it down. With nothing else to do, she wanders round the house turning all the lights off before following Matt upstairs and into her own room.

\--

It is a long time before she manages to fall into a light, fitful sleep, but Alex wakes again sometime deep into the night, frowning and blinking her eyes open drowsily in confusion when she feels the duvet around her being shifted and the bed moving…

She gasps when she realises that Matt is in her room, and is quietly climbing into bed with her. “Matt! What are you - ”

“Shh,” he hushes her, sliding beneath the covers. 

She scrambles to sit up. “No, no - darling we _agreed,_ please,” she begs, “We can’t…”

“I know, it’s alright,” he murmurs gently, a hand on her arm as he tries to settle in next to her. “I just want to… to sleep here. I just can’t sleep. Please…?”

“Matt…” She says uneasily, looking down at him in the darkened room. “I don’t think this is a good idea…”

He sighs. “I just… it’s just been a rough day, Alex,” he admits quietly, his voice barely above a whisper as he rubs at his face. 

Alex’s own face softens as she suddenly realises that he must feel utterly awful and she’d been so busy worrying about her own feelings she hadn’t even thought about it. She is suddenly filled with compassion for him because of course - _of course_ he’d had a difficult day - his two best friends had left, and yes it wasn’t like he’d never see them again but she knew it wouldn’t be the same. And he hadn’t even slept at all and with the different time zones it means he had probably been up for over twenty four hours and he must be absolutely shattered. 

The poor man just needed someone right now and he’d been there countless times for her. 

“Oh honey,” she coos softly, lying back down and shuffling close to wrap her arms around him. “I’m sorry. You must be exhausted,” she says gently, rubbing a hand over his back as he wraps his arms round her waist and snuggles into her, pressing his face into her neck and inhaling deeply. “Try and get some rest,” she presses a kiss to the top of his head and whispers, “I’m here,” like he had done to her when she’d needed him so much. 

She holds him and strokes a hand through his hair, feeling her heart tighten painfully in her chest when she feels a wetness on her neck where his face is buried, and she holds him tighter and tries not to pretend this is something more than it is.


	27. Chapter 27

Alex wakes to the feel of feather light strokes over her abdomen, and as she slowly comes round, she becomes aware of the warm feeling of two arms wrapped round her and a body pressed to her back. 

She is momentarily disorientated until she quickly remembers Matt arriving the night before, and then later crawling into her bed in the small hours of the morning and then holding him as he sniffed softly into her neck until they both fell asleep. 

Matt is most definitely no longer asleep now though, the fingertips of the hand on her stomach are stroking her softly, his breath warm in her hair as she feels him nuzzle his face into her from behind. What is he doing?? 

His fingers slip beneath the hem of her tank top to dance over her skin, just lightly, so light it almost tickles, but Alex is too busy silently panicking to be affected by that. Matt lets out a content sort of sigh and shifts against her a bit, and Alex struggles to keep her breathing even to feign sleep while she tries to work out what to do. 

She could pretend to remain asleep until he stops - the easiest option, but to do that she has to remain perfectly still and quiet and to be honest it is getting more and more difficult not to squirm as he caresses her stomach lightly. Maybe she should just push him off with a light scolding - but then what if she was overreacting and he was just being affectionate - he always had been after all - even before. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. 

But Matt is splaying his hand over her abdomen and inhaling deeply in her hair, letting out the quietest of low hums as he breathes out and it doesn’t feel like he is just being idly affectionate. His fingertips are moving again, tracing the waistband of her pyjama bottoms and she struggles not to gasp - then again as they trace down, down low, dancing over the heat between her thighs before trailing back up to toy with the top of her pyjama bottoms, and slip just under the waistband -

“I know you’re not asleep.”

His low voice in her ear suddenly makes her stomach flip flop, and she sucks in a sharp breath, going rigid in his arms. 

His hand stills and Matt nuzzles into her hair, his mouth right by her ear. “Alex,” he says, and sounds like he is going to continue but all he does is press a soft lingering kiss to the shell of her ear through her hair and begins to slide his hand back down, now beneath her shorts, and she needs to stop him but - oh shit, his fingers are tracing down between her legs to her wet heat and touching her and - and she’s letting him. 

He slides his middle finger between her folds, applying just enough pressure to make her gasp softly and push down against his hand, encouraging him enough to make him begin a gentle stroking motion, his fingertip quickly finding her clit and making her eyes flutter, her lips parting…

She grabs his wrist. “Matt -”

“Shh,” he breathes in her ear, rubbing soft circles over her clit and Alex bites her lip as red hot pleasure shoots through her core. 

She shouldn’t. _They_ shouldn’t. She should stop him or, or…

His thumb replaces his finger, rubbing over her clit so it can slide down with another, and Alex finds herself parting her thighs readily for him to push two fingers inside her, stroking her inner walls. A small sound escapes her as she clutches tightly to his wrist, digging her nails in but not pulling his hand away from her like she’d intended when grabbing hold of him. She feels his hard length pushing into her backside, the sensation causing a hot rush of wetness between her thighs and she hears Matt let out a soft grunt as he grinds himself against her in response. 

Alex knows somewhere in the back of her mind that there is a very good reason she _shouldn’t be doing this,_ but she isn’t _thinking_ right now - how can she when her mind is so flooded with physical feelings, Matt’s body feeling so good pressed to her back, his hand inside her pyjama bottoms doing incredible things to her and oh God - _why_ had she stopped this again!?

Her eyes slip closed as her hips begin to gently rock in time to his ministrations, and, her hand still tight on his wrist, she moans softly, a quiet whimper she cannot prevent, and she feels Matt’s fingers slide deeper, curling inside her, and she thinks she hears her name whispered in her ear, and she breathes his softly in response. 

“Alex,” he murmurs, definite and clearer this time, his fingers pushing deep, deeper inside her, his breath hot in her ear, “I -…”

But he doesn’t get to finish what he’d been about to say, when the shrill sound of Alex’s alarm clock rings out in the room, making both of them jump and freeze. 

Alex’s eyes fly open. It is eight thirty; she is at home, in her own bed, with Matt. Her daughter will be up soon, if she’s not already and she and Matt are…-

She turns to look at him in panic, to see his own wide, dark eyes staring down at her and - _oh God_ \- she remembers why she’d stopped this. 

Heart in her mouth, she yanks his hand away, scrambling away from him to sit up and turn off the alarm on her bedside table. 

She pauses, her back now to him, face flushed and panting hard (and painfully wet and aching between her legs.) She swallows as she tucks her hair behind her ears with shaking hands, those dark eyes filled with lust and desire for _her_ burned into her mind and bloody hell - she wants to see those eyes every day, drown in them every night and - she can’t. 

“This isn’t a good idea Matt,” she speaks quietly. 

Matt is silent behind her. 

“Um… my daughter is here, we…”

“Right yeah,” Matt quickly replies, and she hears him shuffling to get up behind her as he clears his throat. “Er - sorry… sorry. I’ll um…go.”

He makes to scurry from the room. 

“Matt?”

He pauses and she swallows when he looks at her. Even in scruffy joggers and an old stretched white t-shirt with his hair all sleep rumpled he is bloody _gorgeous,_ and it’s _not fair._

“Don’t lets let this… make things awkward, okay?”

He scratches at the back of his head. “Um… okay.”

She swallows and continues. “It was just… old habits, - yeah?”

Frowning a bit, Matt looks at the floor and nods stiffly. “Right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” she replies quickly. “Er - are you hungry? I’ll make breakfast.”

“Yeah, a bit,” he says, and then mumbles something about a shower and disappears. 

Alex lets herself fall back on the bed and presses a hand to her face. 

Three days. She could do this. 

\--

Salome had been happy about Matt arriving early, and she and her daughter had briefly discussed what to do for the day while Alex went about making breakfast for them.

“Mum?” Her daughter suddenly pipes up, sounding somewhat timid after a short silence had fallen between them. 

Alex glances at her as she butters toast. “Yes honey?”

Salome hesitates and Alex frowns at her as she fidgets, reaching up to retrieve a jar of marmalade from the cupboard and open it as she asks, “What is it Salome?”

“Why was Matt in your bed with you?”

Alex drops the lid of the jar and it clatters to the floor, her eyes wide as she turns to look at her daughter. She can only utter, “What?”

“This morning.” Salome frowns and pushes her hair out of her face as she avoids her mother’s eyes. “I came in to wake you but… Matt was sleeping with you…” she trails off uncertainly and Alex feels her palms start to sweat as she stares at her child. 

Oh God. Oh God, oh God, this wasn’t meant to happen! What was she going to say!?

“Um… uh - yes, he was…” she hedges, turning back to resume spreading marmalade on toast with shaking hands as she frantically tries to come up with an explanation. 

When she doesn’t say anything else (because she doesn’t know _what_ to say) her daughter pipes up again. “Why?”

“Why?” Alex says, falsely bright. “What do you mean why?” She laughs nervously. “He - he’s a close friend - er… we were chatting late and fell asleep…”

When the little girl doesn’t reply Alex risks a glance round at her, startled to find her fixing her with a look that says she knows damn well that she’d just told her a blatant lie and she is suddenly reminded that her little girl is not so little anymore. 

Alex swallows and puts down her knife, turning to face her daughter properly with a heavy sigh, rubbing a hand over her face. 

“Listen darling, I know what you’re thinking,” she says gently and Salome pulls a face that tells Alex she most definitely _is_ thinking what she thinks. “But it was nothing like that… you know Matt and I are good friends and… well he was just feeling a bit down when he arrived last night. You know Karen and Arthur just left yesterday right?”

Still watching her mother suspiciously, Salome nods. 

“Well… Matt’s quite upset about it. As you can imagine. He just needed a friend last night.”

“Oh,” Salome finally speaks, still frowning a bit. “So you weren’t doing… you know… adult… _things?”_ Her daughter pulls a face and cringes as she speaks, blushing red and avoiding her mother’s eyes. 

Alex swallows hard and clears her throat, forcing herself to speak brightly and telling herself she has nothing to feel guilty about because she isn’t lying; her she and Matt _weren’t_ doing ‘adult things’ (nearly didn’t count) as she quickly laughs, “Salome! Of course not - don’t be ridiculous darling - Matt’s a friend!” She forces out another laugh, her face red. “And I’m afraid he’s _much_ too young for me anyway, really, me and Matt? That’s ridiculous!” She insists, her voice several octaves higher than usual. 

“Oh. Okay,” Salome mumbles, looking every bit as awkward as Alex feels. 

A stiff silence falls between them, and Alex hurriedly turns back to the counter, fumbling with the knife and jar of marmalade. 

“Um…” Salome says after a moment. “I’m gonna go watch TV…”

Alex nods without looking up. “Alright - um -breakfast will be in five minutes though.”

She hears her daughter shuffling away before her footsteps pause. 

“Mum?”

“Hmm?”

Salome hesitates. “You’d tell me wouldn’t you? If you… you know, started dating anyone? Or anything?”

Alex is immediately flooded with guilt, her hands stilling. 

“Yes,” she manages to get out with a forced smile. “Of course I would honey,” she tells her, feeling even guiltier. But really, she tries to justify to herself, she has no reason to be guilty because it wasn’t like she and Matt were ever _dating_ , not like it was ever anything that could become something serious - and she was hardly going to tell her eleven year old over the phone, ‘Oh yes, work’s fine honey, and by the way, I’m shagging my co-star.’

As Salome leaves the kitchen, Alex puts down the knife and leans against the countertop, closing her eyes with a heavy sigh. 

_Look at the complicated mess you’ve made of things_ , she scolds herself. 

They must have still been asleep when Salome had come in this morning. She could only imagine the shock she must have given her little girl - and she couldn’t even bear to think about if she had walked in any later than she had and what she might have seen.

How had her life ended up like this? Secret affairs, in love with a man half her age who she could never seriously be with, and lying to her eleven year old daughter. 

And to think it had all started from some stupid, meaningless _dreams_. 

“Morning.” Matt clears his throat from the threshold and Alex jumps a bit. “You alright?”

“What?” She says, flustered as she resumes what she is doing. “Yes, fine!” She risks a glance up at him to give him a convincing smile but regrets it when it causes her breath to catch in his throat at the sight of him standing barefoot in her kitchen in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, evidently fresh from a shower with wet hair. She swallows and looks away. “Coffee?”

She could do this - just _three days _.__


	28. Chapter 28

Alex and Matt spend the morning avoiding each other. Despite their agreement not to let their little slip-up this morning make things awkward between them, of course, they _were_. But Alex wasn’t sure whether that was really all due just to the fact that he’d had his hand inside her pyjama bottoms that morning or whether things would have been this awkward between them anyway. It was the first time they’d been together back on ‘strictly friends’ terms, and, although it was now sorted, they hadn’t exactly parted amicably the last time they’d seen each other. 

So, Alex busies herself in the kitchen, spending far too much time and effort on making lunch - cooking pasta, making a salad - even making an apple upside-down pudding for afters - all to avoid spending time with Matt. Matt, it seemed was doing the same, offering immediately after breakfast to teach a delighted Salome some new moves with a football and retreating hurriedly into the garden with her. They come back inside after a couple of hours but Matt scurries off with her daughter, mumbling something about a game on the wii as Salome tugs him after her excitedly. 

Her daughter comes to find her after a while and begs her to join in but Alex uses the excuse of needing to watch the pudding in the oven and hides in the kitchen some more. She hears Matt’s whoop from the living room, and his voice as he calls out that he just beat the top score and swallows when simply the sound of his voice had made her stomach turn over. 

She wasn’t even sure if she was avoiding him because it was awkward anymore, or if it was to keep herself away from temptation. 

Lunch is nearly ready when Matt appears in the doorway. 

“Alex?”

She jumps, hand on her chest as she spins to face him. 

“Sorry,” he apologises, chuckling a little.

“It’s alright,” she quickly says, turning hurriedly back the sauce she is stirring. 

“Er… do you need any help?”

“No, no, I’m fine thanks darling. It’ll be ready in a bit,”

“Okay…” Matt hovers. “Um… can we talk?”

She shoots him a panicked look that seems to make him falter, and then forces herself to relax, remembering his upset about Karen and Arthur last night and realising it probably wasn’t related to her at all. She clears her throat, nodding, and tucks a curl behind her ears. “It must be difficult for you… them leaving I mean,” she offers, hoping (or not hoping?) she is guessing right, but Matt’s brief look of confusion tells her she isn’t. 

“Oh,” he says, frowning and scratching at his head. “Yeah, yeah, it’s… pretty weird um… sorry for last night you know… it had just been a hard day…”

Alex sighs and puts down the spoon, turning from the stove to face him properly, arms folded over her chest. “Don’t be sorry, Matt, please. You’ve always been there for me - and I’m always here for you, okay?”

Matt’s face softens with a smile and he nods. “Okay.”

She smiles back, about to return to her cooking when the expression fades from Matt’s face and he frowns slightly, standing up a bit straighter. “But um…that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

Alex’s stomach flips. “It’s not?”

“No.”

“Oh,” she says, her heart beating fast in her chest. “Then… what was it?” She asks, her eyes wide on his and _oh please, please don’t say you don’t want it to be over,_ because Alex knew she wouldn’t be able to refuse and she didn’t think her heart could take it anymore. 

Matt stands there a moment, just staring back at her before sighing heavily and running a hand through his hair. “You know… I thought about this the whole damn flight over here, went through a million ways in my head to say it but,” he gives a sort of nervous chuckle that makes Alex’s heart speed up even more, her stomach in her mouth as she can only stare at him. “Nothing seems right now so… - fuck,” he curses, hand shoved through his hair again, “I’m just gonna say it.” He takes a breath and looks her right in the eyes and Alex stops breathing. “I have feelings for you, Alex.”

She stares, stunned, absorbing the words and wondering if she’d actually just heard what she thought she had, and she opens her mouth - 

“Mum?”

They both jump and turn to look at Salome who has appeared in the threshold behind Matt. 

“I’m _starving_ is lunch nearly ready?” Her daughter whines, and Alex’s wide eyed gaze flicks to Matt’s briefly before she clears her throat and runs a shaking hand through her curls. “Er,” her voice comes out a bit hoarse and she clears her throat again. “Yes - almost honey, half an hour.”

“Half an hour!?” Salome bemoans. “I’ll have _starved_ by then! Can I have a bag a of crisps?”

“No you cannot, you’ll spoil it - go and wait it won’t be long.”

Salome has crossed the kitchen to Alex and is peering into the pan on the stove. “What is it?”

“Pasta - Salome, go back to your game it’ll be ready before you know it.” She tells her daughter, trying to steer her away. Her hands are shaking and she can feel Matt’s eyes burning into her. 

“Can I try some?”

“ _No_ , it’s hot - Salome!” She takes the spoon off her and shoos her away. 

“That’s not pasta.”

“It’s the sauce.”

“Where’s the pasta?”

“It’s - I’m _cooking it_ , alright, will you please go back to the living room and wait patiently!” She scolds her daughter, pushing her lightly towards the door. 

“But I’m hungry!”

“Salome!” She snaps, fixing her with a look. “You won’t die, it’ll be ready soon, alright?”

She huffs dramatically and flounces off, pausing in the doorway. “Are you coming to play Matt? It’s your turn.”

“Uh - yeah, I’ll be there in a minute sweetheart.”

With another sigh, her daughter disappears. 

“Sorry,” Alex apologises nervously.

“It’s alright,” Matt says quickly. 

She nods, looking down and fiddling with the wooden spoon in her hands. “Um…” She trails off when she realises she doesn’t know what to say and looks up at Matt with wide eyes to see him staring at her with an expression equally as anxious. He swallows and clears his throat. 

“That er… it didn’t go like that in any of the situations I imagined.” He chuckles nervously and her face softens. She bites her lip. 

“Matt…”

“But I mean it. And it… well it’s why I flew out early. I wanted - needed - to tell you. Sort of lost my nerve when I got here last night though…”

Refusing to let herself believe what he was confessing (because she _couldn’t_ \- it couldn’t be true - she’d had enough proof that he didn’t feel the same way about her as she did him and if she let herself believe it she would be in his arms in seconds and…) Alex shakes her head. “We just spent so much time together during filming,” she quickly tries to explain. “And it’s strange now that we’ve been apart, it’s… - because I’ve missed you too but it’s not - Matt it doesn’t mean you -”

“No,” he shakes his head firmly. “That’s not it.”

“It is,” she nods frantically, frowning at the floor. “It _must be_ \- why would you suddenly just -”

“Alex,” he speaks, and she jumps and looks up to find he has crossed the room and is suddenly right in front of her. “It’s not sudden.”

She blinks up at him with wide eyes. “What?”

He licks his lips, his eyes flickering down to her mouth and she sucks in a sharp breath. 

“Just tell me that… that there’s a _chance_ that you could…”

She can feel the thundering of her heart in her chest as she stares up at him, wondering if he or she had moved closer because there is scarcely a foot between them now. “What do you mean it’s not sudden?” She forces herself to ask with a dry mouth. 

“Alex…” He says, very seriously, and lifts a hand she notices is trembling as much as her own to brush lightly over her hair. “I have loved you for _so long._ ”

Her mouth opens and her eyes are wide. He leans in and kisses her parted lips before she can speak - just a brush, a soft caress of his mouth against hers before he pulls back, one hand still resting lightly on the side of her neck to look into her wide eyes. 

“Just please… _please_ say you’ll give it a try?” He whispers before quickly adding, “Because - because we know the chemistry is there between us - but it’s not just that - we get on so well, and even when we were - all during filming, we - I mean, it’s brilliant between us right? It was great - we know it can work because it already has, but -”

“Matt, Matt…” She cuts him off before he can babble anymore, shaking her head as she puts a hand on his chest (she isn’t sure whether it’s to distance him or to steady herself - perhaps both) a frown on her face. “I don’t understand this,” she says quietly. “How can you love me? You told me - I asked you before I left and you told me you didn’t… you _told_ me that - that it was just the roleplay, and me and you were just for fun and…”

Looking down, Matt speaks quietly. “I told you what I thought you wanted to hear, Alex,” he admits. 

Alex takes a moment to force herself to breathe, and to study his face as she lets everything sink in. She had spent so long convincing herself that Matt would never feel like this about her she is having a rather hard time processing the idea that he actually _does._

She swallows. “Well you were wrong,” she finally manages to whisper. 

Matt looks up, his face so hopeful it makes her heart beat even faster. “I was?”

She nods. 

“About… what I thought?”

Another nod. 

“…It wasn’t what you wanted to hear?” He asks as if he can’t quite believe it.

Not trusting herself to attempt speech, Alex shakes her head. 

“You… wanted me to say I loved you?”

She pauses, biting down on her lip hard, and nods again, slowly. 

A smile is creeping over Matt’s face now, a delighted, brilliant smile as he steps in close, brining his free hand up to gently cup the side of her face, her own hand still on his chest between them. It pushes back into her own as their bodies press together. 

“Because… you love me too?”

Alex pauses, licks her lips, and takes a deep breath. She nods. 

She has only moved her head the tiniest bit before Matt is on her, his mouth swallowing her squeak, and he is grinning against her lips as he kisses her hard, hands tight and tugging in her hair as he pours all of his elation into the kiss. 

Giddy, Alex cannot help but return it, feeling a laugh bubble in her throat as Matt muffles the sound, kissing her and kissing her until she finds herself backed into the counter, her hands clinging onto his shirt desperately, feeling like laughing and crying and kissing him forever all at once. 

“ _Mum!”_

With a gasp, Alex shoves Matt back and they stumble apart at the shout from her daughter from the living room. Her eyes are wide and locked onto Matt’s, and matching grins are on both their faces. Alex runs a shaking hand through her hair. 

“What honey?” She calls back without breaking the gaze. 

“You said half an hour!”

“Five minutes!”

Salome’s dramatic huff drifts through the rooms and Alex giggles and bites her lip. “Sorry,” she apologises again, and Matt shakes his head. “Er -” Flustered, she turns to the stove to see the pasta boiling over and hurriedly turns it off. “Maybe you should go and keep her quiet, I’ll finish up here quickly.”

Matt nods. “Okay. But Alex?”

She turns to look at him, unable to stop herself smiling again. “Yeah?”

“We need to talk, yeah? Properly.”

She nods. “I promise darling.”

He grins at her, looking so elated she can’t help but laugh again. He swoops in to press one quick, fierce kiss to her mouth before bounding off, leaving her leaning against her stove and feeling like giddy teenager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it sounds like it could be so - not the end just yet! :)


	29. Chapter 29

Alex doesn’t get to ‘talk properly’ with Matt until late that night after Salome has gone to bed. That doesn’t stop him from stealing elated kisses every second they are alone that day, cornering her in the hallway, sneaking up behind her in the kitchen and pressing her back into the sofa when Salome disappears off to the loo during the movie the three are watching that evening. 

Alex accepts his affections and returns them with ardour, each kiss leaving her breathless, head spinning with excitement as she is reminded each time that her feelings for this man are far from as one-sided as she had always thought. 

When her daughter is finally tucked up in bed, Alex pads quietly back downstairs to join Matt on the sofa, her heart pounding as she slips into his arms and settles against him. He grins and kisses the top of her head, and they sit in front of the telly quietly for another while, while Alex sneaks glances at the clock and wanders how long is long enough for her daughter to have fallen asleep. 

Finally turning to Matt just before midnight, she leans up and presses a lingering kiss to his lips. “Do you want to go to bed?” She whispers against them. 

Matt grins and tightens his arms round her, leaning in to mutter in a low voice; “Thought you’d never ask.”

Alex has every intention of getting this discussion they need to have over with first, but when Matt presses her to her bedroom door and covers her mouth with his own, it is all she can do not to rip his clothes off in her sudden burning need to be joined with him. They undress each other quickly and quietly between open-mouthed kisses, muffling giggles into each other’s skin as they trip and fumble their way to her bed. 

When he pushes her back on the mattress, Matt tries to duck down between her legs but Alex doesn’t want just pleasure tonight, she wants him - the man she loves - inside her properly. She tugs him up and presses him down beside her, rolling to straddle him where she slides her sex along the hard length of him before taking him in her hand and sinking down. 

They both moan softly, and Matt pulls her down to kiss her deeply, swallowing her sighs of pleasure as she gently rocks her hips atop him. Their rhythm increases, and soon Alex is gasping as Matt’s fingers find her clit and touch her in just the perfect way, and she can feel her climax fast approaching, sensing by the jerking of his hips under her that his own isn’t far off either. He buries his free hand in her hair and tugs her down to him to whisper in her ear. 

“I love you Alex,” he says, and she falls apart over him, gasping as she shudders, and moaning his name over and over and telling him how much she loves him too. 

When they finally collapse together, exhausted and satisfied, Alex realises her cheeks are damp and her vision blurred, and, embarrassed, she is about to apologise for being sentimental when she looks down and notices that Matt’s eyes are filled with tears too. 

She laughs then, an elated emotion as more tears slip from her eyes and drop onto his cheeks, and Matt joins in, wiping at his own eyes and sniffing as he eases her off him to roll her into his arms and cuddle her close. 

They lay quietly in the afterglow for a long, peaceful moment, and she has had all day to come to terms with it, but Alex can still hardly believe this is true. She is the first to finally speak, sighing and snuggling into him a bit more, her head on his shoulder, as she breaks the silence. 

“What made you decide to tell me?” She asks him softly. 

“Hm?”

“That you feel this way about me?”

“Um…” Matt gives a sheepish chuckle. “Steven actually…”

Alex lifts her head to look up at him in surprise. “What?”

“Yesterday. He came in - to say goodbye obviously - and he asked me how you were…and I said how would I know and he said…well something along the lines of ‘because I’d been sleeping with you since the start of series seven and in love with you two years longer than that.’”

Alex’s eyes widen and her breath catches in her throat. She opens her mouth but no words come out - Matt guesses her unspoken question. 

“He’s right. I know that now. I mean - I didn’t realise it myself until more recently but - he is right.” Matt grins and leans down to kiss the shocked expression on her face. 

Alex blinks up at him when he pulls away. “I think I have been too you know,” she finally manages to utter quietly. “In love with you for that long, I mean… I just didn’t -” She is choking up again and Matt hushes her quickly, kissing her again and pulling her in closer. 

“Well we have a bloody lot to thank that man for,” She finally manages to get out, and Matt laughs and nods. 

“But on a more serious note darling,” Alex begins after a pause, because this is what they need to discuss; she is not young and naïve, and she has no intention of blundering in to anything with nothing but blind hope. She sighs, and says sadly, “We live in two different countries most of the time… it’s not going to be easy, you know.”

“Well…” Matt lifts a hand to run it gently through her curls. “We don’t have to, you know…”

Frowning, Alex rolls onto her stomach to look down at him. “What?”

He strokes a hand down her arm and smiles softly. “I know there’s work - but it’s not _all_ the time - and sometimes we’re even there together…”

Her heart is beating fast in excitement at what he’s suggesting but she forces herself to shake her head. “Darling… I _can’t_ move, Salome…”

“What?” He says. “Alex I’m not asking you to move back to England. I’m saying that I’ll move out here. - When I’m not working, of course.”

Her eyes widen. “What?” She squeaks. He chuckles.

“I don’t have any ties Alex, and to be honest, after Who I was thinking about moving over here anyway - you know… maybe get into films. I love my job but I won’t be doing it forever, and the hours for television are hell…”

“But,” Alex blinks, stunned. “Matt, we haven’t even -”

“And Kaz is moving out here too you know,” he quickly continues. “So - I mean she’s a great friend so it’d be great and she’d love that too…”

_Oh God_ , Alex thinks, speechless. _He’s_ really _thought about this hasn’t he!?_ This wasn’t just something he was saying in the thrill of the moment - he meant it. 

Matt trails off and Alex sees his face fall when she doesn’t reply. “Unless - unless you don’t want me to… Is it moving too fast? I - I mean I just thought -”

“No!” She quickly cuts him off, suddenly giggling at his expression and leaning down to kiss him fiercely. “No, no, it’s not - I’d love it - I’d love you to move here, God darling I couldn’t think of anything more wonderful, I just - I’m just shocked is all!”

He laughs, overjoyed, and kisses her again. “Alright then,” he grins against her lips. 

“Alright,” Alex grins back. 

She kisses him once more for another moment, opening her mouth over his and letting his tongue stroke along her own, thinking deliriously that soon she’s going to be able to have this _every day,_ when Matt pulls back and beams up at her happily. 

“Can we tell Salome tomorrow?”

Alex’s face falls. _Oh_. 

“What’s wrong?”

She bites her lip. “I lied to her - earlier this morning.”

“What do you mean?”

“She… she saw us - in bed together…”

Matt’s eyes widen. “Oh. Shit. But we weren’t -”

“I know - I… told her it didn’t mean anything. But she asked me if I ever started seeing anyone if I would tell her and - and I promised, Matt.” She chews on her lip again. “She’s going to know I lied to her, and that I’ve been hiding this from her…”

Matt is silent, thinking for a moment. Finally he says, “Well… why don’t you tell her it’s only just happened? That we had a long talk tonight and… and decided to start dating?”

Alex sighs, and rolls over to flop down on her back next to him. “You don’t think we should just… wait a while?”

Matt leans up over her and takes her hand in his own. He brings it to his lips and presses a kiss to the back. “Alex,” he says gently. “I want to tell her. I don’t want to have to hide this from anyone. You’re not really lying, love, it’s the truth. It‘ll be alright.”

She turns her head to look at him carefully for a moment before she slowly nods. “Okay,” she says quietly, and Matt’s grin as he leans down to press an elated kiss to her cheek is enough to make her decision worth it.

\--

Surprisingly, Salome doesn’t take the news either way Alex had expected she might. She’d spent all morning worrying about the impending discussion, imagining in the best case Salome being shocked but happy about it, and in the worst case her daughter not believing them and being angry that she’d lied to her yesterday. 

When they sit her down after breakfast and break it to her, Salome, however, rolls her eyes. 

“I _know_.” She says. 

Mouth open to continue her exclamation, Alex falters and gawps. “You - you what?”

The little girl folds her arms. “I saw you kissing yesterday.” Alex and Matt share wide-eyed, guilty looks. 

“Well - honey yesterday was when Matt asked me -”

“You don’t have to pretend. I’ve known for a long time - it’s been since the last time Matt came to visit, hasn’t it?”

Alex is speechless this time, and Matt steps in, squeezing her hand clasped in his between them. “Sweetheart…” He addresses her daughter, “We never meant to keep anything from you, it’s just that -”

“It’s okay,” Says Salome. “Mum’s just scared of getting hurt again. I knew you would tell me when you were sure mummy,” She smiles at her mother. “But every time I spoke to you when you were away you were happier - and you were like that last time Matt was here. I guessed that he was why.” 

Her eyes filling with tears, Alex wordlessly opens her arms to her daughter, who gets up and crosses over to settle into them, pressing a kiss to her mother’s cheek. 

“I’m happy that you’re happy,” Salome whispers to her, and Alex holds her tightly and cries. Her eleven year old daughter had known she was in love with Matt even before she had realised it herself, and she presses a kiss to the top of her head, wondering when exactly her amazing little girl had grown up and become so brilliant.


	30. Epilogue

_Two years later…_

Alex slowly opens her eyes, humming and stretching in the morning light, smiling when she turns her head to see Matt’s grinning face looking down at her. 

“And what are you so smug about at this time in the morning?” Alex asks, her voice a bit hoarse with sleep as she rubs at her face. Every time she wakes up next to him, where he belongs in their bed, she begins her day happy. - it’s been two years and she is beginning to think the novelty of the situation will never wear off. Alex is more than alright with that. 

He is going back to the UK tomorrow to begin filming the next (and his last) series of Who, but this time, Alex doesn’t need to be sad about his impending departure because she is in the opener with him, and the two of them and Salome, who is on spring break, are all flying out together to stay in his flat for the two weeks she is shooting with them. Afterwards, Alex and Salome will come back to LA and Matt has already made plans to put his flat on the market: once is finished shooting this series his permanent home will be with her in LA. He has already been offered several fantastic rolls and Alex knows he’s going to have a wonderful future as an actor over here. 

Currently propped up on an elbow next to her, still smirking, Matt lifts his free hand and tugs on one of her curls affectionately. “I had a dream about you.”

“Did you?” She enquires sleepily. 

“Yeah. About me and you - well - it was River and the Doctor actually.”

Turning her head to glance at him, now intrigued, Alex smiles. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“What happened?”

Suddenly, Matt grins and rolls to pin her under him, grinding his hips into hers and making her gasp when she feels his rock hard arousal through their thin sleepwear.

“Oh, _that_ kind of dream,” she purrs up at him, returning his smirk and parting her thighs to let his hips nestle comfortably against her own. 

“Yep.” He grins cockily at her as he inches up her vest top between them, fingers tracing feather-light patterns over her skin. 

“Mmm,” she hums in pleasure as she snakes her arms up round his neck. Her ring catches the morning sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains and makes her smile. “Tell me about it.”

“Well,” he says in a low, seductive voice that makes her grow swiftly damp between her legs. “There was a bed - and there was me…”

She giggles, arching into his touch as he lightly traces his fingers up over her breast. “I like this dream already.”

He grins and tweaks her nipple gently. “And there was you - well, River - and I was the Doctor…”

“Tell me more darling,” she begs breathlessly when he stops talking to press an open-mouthed kiss to her neck, as he palms her breast while his other hand skims down her body. 

“Well, like I said,” he mutters against her skin, his seductive tone making her shiver. “There was a bed, the Doctor, River…” He pauses for effect, lifting his head to smirk down at her. “And then… _another_ River appeared…”

“Ooh sweetie!” Alex giggles, and leans up to whisper in her husband’s ear with a smirk; “The mind _races_ …”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...this is it. I just need to say a hugeee thank you to every one of you who has taken the time to comment and leave kudos on this, and know that your wonderful words and knowing that my writing is being enjoyed are what have kept me going and enabled me to finish this. I've LOVED writing this story, and I hope everyone has enjoyed reading it as much :)
> 
> That said...I really hope everyone liked how I decided to end this, it may be all a bit of a cliché but after everything that happened in the duration of the story I feel like it works and...I do love happy endings hehe :D


End file.
